Being Someone You're Not For The Sake of Your Marriage

Do you ever feel like you have to be someone you're not in order to have a good marriage? That's ok! In fact, I would say, that is a good place to be!

The less I am "myself" the better my marriage goes and therefore, the better my life goes. Myself wants to dominate and control. Myself wants things my way. Myself wants to put forth the least effort and fully give into my flesh. Who I am in Christ however, who I am when I die to self, wants to give the other person their way, wants to submit to my husband in all things (Eph. 5:24) and fully give myself over to the Spirit.

Our marriage should constitute (after our relationship with Christ), the most important relationship in our lives. What are you willing to give up for that relationship? What are you willing to sacrifice? Hopefully we are willing to sacrifice our wants, wishes and desires in order to have the best marriage possible.

Now, before you start throwing tomatoes at your computer screen let me explain. "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20. Did you catch that? You aren't yours. You don't belong to you anymore if you are a follower of Christ. You belong to Him and He calls you to adapt to your husband. He calls you to submit or put yourself under him and that is going to call for a major, difficult changes for most of us... I would dare say, for all of us. 

Many of us wives spend so much time worrying about what our husbands aren't or are doing that we lose track of what God has called us to do!

Now maybe you have a super passive man and you don't feel this as much. But in some ways I bet you have to work super hard (not be yourself) and let him lead how he wants (which might look like not leading) and deny your desire to control. Or maybe you are married to a visionary man that has you on a constant roller coaster ride, learn to enjoy the ride. Learn to let go and be someone you're not in order to support your man in a way that seems so foreign and scary to you. Remember, your job is not to make sure your man is doing everything right, your job is to be obedient, respectful and submissive... you better believe that calls us women to be someone we aren't :) Maybe you are married to an organized, leader-type and efficient man like me and you are anything but organized and efficient. Maybe you feel like me and that you have had to be someone you aren't in order to bring the most peace and joy into your home... and that's ok! God calls us to a life of self-denial. Every Christian has to be someone they aren't in different ways in order to bring the most glory to God. 


Now hopefully you picked a godly man to share life with that will also experience this push to be someone he isn't in order to love you as Christ loves the church. But if you didn't, that doesn't get you off the hook for doing your part when it comes to obeying God and His calling on your life as a wife.

Proverbs 12:16 says: "A fool’s wrath is known at once, But a prudent man covers shame." Some of us wives are acting as fools letting our wrath and whatever else we are feeling be known at once because we believe in fully being ourselves! But the verse goes on to say a prudent man or in our case, a wise wife, covers shame. The word here in greek means to hide or conceal. Sometimes the best thing for us to do, the wisest thing for us to do, is hide or conceal ourselves. Be someone we aren't. The most miserable wives are the ones who refuse to hide or conceal or deny. The most miserable wives are the ones who are so busy fighting for their rights and being themselves that they forget the ultimate goal of marriage is to bring God glory, not themselves. 

So stop fighting against that push to be someone you aren't... instead embrace it! Claim it as if it's something you want because you know that in the long run it will make for a more peaceful home and marriage and therefore life!

My Favorite Places Online!

The internet can be such a blessing... and a distraction. Let's use it more for the blessing part and look for ways to build ourselves and our homes up spiritually! 

Here are some of my favorite places to do that:

Looking for some awesome audio messages on godly womanhood?! 
https://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/programs/p/Revive%20Our%20Hearts/topic/Womanhood/ 

A great resource for bible study! 
https://www.biblegateway.com/

Our associate pastor's wife's blog! I met her through her wonderful blog! 
http://jessconnell.com/

I have been following Kelly's blog for years and have been so encouraged! 
http://www.generationcedar.com/main/

Another great resourse for bible study! 
http://www.blueletterbible.org/

Got questions about the bible or Christianity in general? This place has solid answers! 
http://www.gotquestions.org/

Our church website and audio sermon page! 
http://woodlandchristian.net/messages.php?show=messages

Endless sermon options here!
 http://www.sermonaudio.com/main.asp

Looking for solid homeschooling info?
 https://www.christianheritageonline.org/

Looking for godly tv? Hard to find I know. Look no further! Joni did an awesome job creating a tv series that will build your family up! 
http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/

4 Ways to Nurture Your Marriage In Busy Times

It's easy to pay attention to your husband and put his needs first when it's just the two of you. But when you throw 2, 3, 5, 8 kids into the mix it makes things a lot more difficult. Add to that homeschooling and ministry and you are bound to be scrambling just to keep your head on straight much less figuring out how to pour into your marriage. But it's easier than you think! Here are four ways even the busiest wife can nurture her marriage:

#1 Smile. Weird huh? But when's the last time you intentionally looked at your husband across the room and smiled? A smile can change the whole mood in the home. When your kids are running around like monkeys make an effort to look at him and smile. This is a small way to warm his heart and let him know you not only love him, but you like him. 

#2 Text him. Text him things you are thankful for about him. Text him about how thankful you are that he works hard for the family. Text him some of your favorite things about his personality. Text him about how you appreciate his love for your kids. Text him anything during the day that will encourage him and put a little pep in his step!

#3 Put the kids to bed early and plan a "in home date night". Make his favorite dessert and sit together at the dining room table or out on the front porch and talk about your day. It's amazing how much this time together can nurture your marriage and save you money! :) 

#4 Touch him. Embrace him with a big hug and kiss when he gets home. Hold his hand when you sit together. Lay your head on his chest when you sit next to each other on the couch. Some men are not "touchers" and so you can ignore this one. But it is important that you find out how he does feel loved! Does he light up when you verbally affirm him? Does he seem extra thankful when you serve him his favorite meal or bring him a cup of coffee? Does he beam with joy when you surprise him with a special gift? Figure out what blesses him the most and look for ways to incorporate it into your life! Figuring out your husband's love language and looking for opportunities to do it will be a major way to nurture your marriage. One love language most men share is sexual intimacy. Be sure to be available sexually for your husband too! You are the one woman he gets for life to satisfy him and you don't want to disappoint. God has made it very clear in His Word that your body belongs to him too. Don't deny him. 

When we pour into our husbands and marriage this way we are nurturing ourselves too! When we feed our marriage we are feeding ourselves! After all, two become one flesh. However you nurture him you nurture you.

Please leave a comment and give your own ideas of ways that you nurture your marriage in the midst of busyness. Also let me know if you do one of these four things! Would love to hear how it goes!

I'm Going Back to School...

Well, that's what it feels like at least. You see, I spent 13 years going from kindergarten through my senior year and then I spent another 6 years getting my BS in psychology. What. A. Waste. OK, I know it wasn't ALL a waste. I did learn my alphabet and how to read. But as far as learning how to be a homemaker, mother and wife I learned nothing. Even my home economics class in high school has proven to be of no worth in terms of benefiting my current day to day life. 

I am putting myself back in school. I am studying homemaking, motherhood and being a godly wife like I am getting degrees in all three! 

Ladies, I am already seeing the fruit of this endeavor! As I am diligent in studying and putting into practice what I am learning, I am being blessed with visible fruit!

Why in the world don't we study for these major roles? Why spend so much time studying and investing in things that have little value eternally or even practically, for how we will spend most of our lives (as mothers, wives and homemakers). 

God addresses older women to train the younger women in Titus 2 to: keep the home, love their husbands and love their children (among other things). According to God these are the things He wants me to be trained in. These are the things He wants me to be investing in. 

That is why I am looking for Titus 2 women on-line to teach and train me! What a blessing to have so many godly women available to us 24/7 to train us in the things God desires for us to be trained in! We have no excuse.

I am by nature a very unorganized woman. This does not work out well for me when it comes to being a keeper of the home and training my children. There is hope though! With God's help we can change! If you are like me, believe with me that we can become organized! I have been praying that God would help me to think differently since that is how we change ourselves! (Romans 12:2) He is changing the way I think and He is using my investment in studying in keeping the home to actually keep it! 

Study the Word of God first and foremost, seek His Kingdom first and He will add unto you what you need. Don't neglect the study of His Word to study even good things like keeping the home, loving your husband and children. Read it first and then go to studying practical ways to live out His design for your life!

I feel a bit like a guinea pig for y'all! I am going to be checking in every once in a while over the next few months to share with you what worked and what didn't work. What was worth investing in and what wasn't. I will be sharing practical ways to better keep the home, love your children and love your husband.

Stay focused on these few things God has called you to ladies! Don't get distracted by all the things there are to pursue in this world. (For me this means no facebook :) If you are feeling overwhelmed cry out to God and ask Him to reveal to you what needs to be removed from your life to be able to carry out His will. Remember, there is ALWAYS TIME FOR THE WILL OF GOD. 

There is a lot at stake when we don't live out God's design. 

It actually says that His Word is dishonored. Let's honor God today and every day by pursuing His best and endeavoring to be excellent in the few roles He has called us to!

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.…" Titus 2:3-5

Your Husband Ain't Your Jesus

Women are dependent. We are naturally built to look to our husbands for support. Financially. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Men are the head. The leader. But... they often fail. Just as we are designed to be their helpmeet and we fail often and take the roll of nag, mother and boss instead. 

Our husbands will be in a bad mood that has nothing to do with us and yet we take it personally... why? Well, I think in part, because we are dependent on them. The question is: are we too dependent on them and not enough on the Lord? We were never made to trust in our husbands more than we do the Lord. We were never made to look to our husbands more than we do the Lord. We were never made to have our lively hood revolve around our husbands. We were made to trust in, depend on, look to and revolve around the Lord Jesus Christ! He is is our everything. He is our purpose and the One that is to determine our mood, our outlook, our focus etc., not our husbands. Your husband ain't your Jesus and he was never meant to be.

All of this should point us back to Christ. We so easily take our eyes off of Him and unfortunately it happens all too often for women in marriage.

The next time you are consumed with your husband's bad decision, bad mood, bad whatever, remind yourself, He ain't your Jesus. Be consumed with Christ instead and you will find that all is well with your soul despite your surroundings and circumstances. He will never leave you or forsake you. 

Two become one flesh in the sense that we are to come under our husband's leadership and work as a team, with him leading, but two do not become one flesh to the extent that you leave your First Love for your secondary love.

"But I have this against you, that you have left your first love."-Jesus (Rev. 2:4)

Your husband ain't your Jesus. Your Jesus is your Jesus. Set your eyes and heart on Him first. Put your hope in Him or suffer the continual consequences of putting your hope in someone or something else, including your husband.

Where is your identity?

I love this definition of identity according to dictionary.com: "the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions." 

Let's look at how the Lord describes our identity if we are genuine, born again believers in Christ: 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." (2 Cor. 5:17)

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9)

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal. 2:20)

"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Col. 3:3)

So let's see here. If you are a believer then you are:
 

Chosen.

For His own possession, 

Crucified with Christ 

Hidden with Christ in God.

That is your identity. You no longer are your own. You no longer are identified with your past, with the world, with your flesh... You are officially HIS.

How should this affect our day to day life? How does this influence us hour by hour? 

Let's look back at our definition of identity: "the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions." Hmmm, in other words, our state... or our identity in Christ remains the same regardless of the varying aspects or conditions of our lives. That's powerful! That's life changing!

Your identity should be "wrapped up" in Christ. Not in motherhood. Not in your marriage. Not in your occupation. Not in your home. Not in what others say or don't say about you. Your identity is in Christ ALONE.  Now marriage, motherhood, work, your home and people are important and gifts from God but they do not constitute who we are in Christ. If all those things fade or change or waver your identity in Christ doesn't fade, change or waver.

When your identity is wrapped up in who you are in Christ then the way you respond to the various aspects, conditions and circumstances in your life will be vastly different than the way those in the world respond to those same things. When your identity however is wrapped up in the passing things of this world then you will reap the consequences of that.

Fighting with your husband? Having a rough day with the kids? Find out that someone is talking trash about you? Get some bad news? Well, none of that changes the state of your identity. You are still His. You are still hidden in Christ. You are still crucified with Christ. You are still His possession.

Your life will continue to have MANY ups and downs. Don't let your identity be shaped by the ups and downs, let it be continuously shaped by who you are in Him. 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)

10 Ways To Be Gracious Toward Your Husband

1. Bite your tongue. Want to get in the last word? Want to say something straight up mean to "really get back at him"? Don't. Just bite your tongue. Literally bite it if you have to. Pray this instead: "Set a guard over my mouth, LORD..." Psalm 141:3

2. Get over it. Stop thinking about it. Move on. Is it really worth ruining your marriage? Your family? Your kid's upbringing? Get over it. Tell your husband how you feel (once... maybe twice) and move on. Bring your issue to the Lord and leave it there. You are what you practice. If you keep meditating on the wrong done to you then you will have a harder time moving on. "drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Prov. 17:14

3. Don't ever, ever say: "I told you so." Really? How much do you like to hear that? I hate to hear that. No one likes to hear "I told you so." He knows you were right. "I told you so" screams: "I'm prideful!" "Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips." Prov. 27:2.

4. Forget about it. Don't keep a record of wrongs. This kind of goes with number 2. In order to not keep a record of wrongs you have to get over it :) Don't keep track of anything bad. Keep a record of rights instead. A record of how he has blessed you. "love does not keep a record of wrongs." 1 Cor. 13:5 Remember being bitter is like swallowing poison hoping the other person will die. 

5. Just DON'T say no. I'll keep this one short. Don't deny your husband. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband." 1 Cor. 7:4

6. Don't ever say: "Why didn't you _____?!" or "You should have _____."  This is similar to number 3. It is just as annoying and prideful. (see verse above :) 

7. Ignore his weaknesses and praise his strengths. Enter marriage with eyes wide open, stay married with eyes half way open :) You are not the Holy Spirit in your husband's life. "When he [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict..." John 16:8

8. To be gracious means to be "pleasantly kind", according to dictionary.com. Be pleasantly kind toward your husband. Did he do something to tick you off today? Why don't you be pleasantly kind and make him his favorite thing for dinner? "with humility think of others as better than yourselves." Phil. 2:3 and "they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2

9. Praise him in front of the kids. Let them know how proud you are of their daddy. "Isn't daddy the best?!" "Man your daddy sure loves you guys!" "Doesn't daddy take good care of us?" Think of something. Anything positive. And then say it in front of your kids.

10. Saving the best for last! Forgive your husband as Christ forgave and forgives you! One night after Scott and I had a fight and I was laying there in bed seething and wanting to hold onto my bitterness when this verse came to mind: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Co. 3:13 Ouch. I immediately felt the bitterness leave me. Forgive as You forgave me Lord?! Really? Wow Lord.... Well, you forgave me while I was yet a sinner. You have forgiven me of SOOOOO much...You continue to forgive me for things I don't apologize for. You forgive me completely! You want me to forgive my husband like that? You want me to be gracious toward him like you are toward me? Okay Lord. Help me.

p.s. I stink at numbers 1-10... which is why I could write this so quickly. I know I need to work on these daily!

Seven Thoughts After Seven Years

Scott and I have been married seven years (as of yesterday)! What a joy it has been! He is my strong leader. The one who makes me laugh and laugh! He enjoys our kids immensely. He enjoys just sitting and visiting with me. He is a great bible teacher and we thrive on doing ministry together.

I have been pondering marriage a lot the last couple days and wanted to share seven thoughts I have after seven years:

1. Adapting to my husband makes him and me happier. I am seeing with each passing year the benefit of adapting to Scott. I am also seeing the detrimental affects of not adapting to him and pushing my own agenda. As I adapt to Scott's vision for our family and home I find there is less and less strife. No husband is going to have the exact same agenda as his wife in all things and we must submit to them as unto the Lord, ultimately doing it for God and leaving the results up to Him.  I am a lot happier when I walk in my God ordained boundaries. Scott leading and me following works best because it's God's best.

"Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.” (Eph. 5:22, amplified)

2. Nagging isn't good. It's bad. Real bad. Not sure when you are nagging? Give your husband the freedom to tell you when he thinks you are. :) For me it is best to present my side and drop it. (Lord knows I need to improve in this area!)

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (prov. 25:24)

"It is not the nagging, but the behavior, that shows Christ in a life. The quiet winsomeness of a wife speaks eloquently of Jesus Christ." Jay E. Adams

"A gracious wife satisfieth a good husband, and silenceth a bad one." George Swinnock

 

3. Our children are watching us. As Rhea is getting older and understanding more I am sobered. Big time. She is watching. So is Ricky... and Johnny... and soon to be Charis as well. Our children are learning from us every moment they are around us. Rhea is learning from me about how to be a mom and a wife. Am I a joyful mom? Do I whine and complain about my house-wife duties? Or do I do them promptly and with thankfulness? How am I treating my husband? With respect? With love? Kids notice these things. They are constantly, sometimes sub-consciously, taking mental notes that are shaping who they will be as spouses and parents some day. Generations will reap what we sow.

4. Marriage is a GIFT from the Lord! The more I concentrate on his strengths the more I see what a gift he is! So many of us focus on our husband's flaws (which they all have... which WE all have). what fun is that?! That never gets me ANYwhere. Marriage can be such a gift or such a burden. The more we as wives seek to honor our husbands the more we will be blessed and enjoy marriage. The more we resist our man and push our way the more of a burden marriage will be. It's our choice. I have met some women out there married to JERKS! LOSERS! and yet, by God's grace and their desire to please Him they are living happy, fulfilled lives! I have also met some women married to hardworking, kind men and they are miserable. It's all about our focus. Our hope is to always be in God. Our identity is in Him, not our husbands.

5. I am much happier when I accept my husband for who he is! Don't try and force your husband to be someone he isn't! My favorite "wife verses": "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2). Reminds me of the Jay Adams quote from earlier. No man is perfect in all ways except our Savior. Be thankful for the man you got! Praise him for his strengths and ignore his weaknesses.

6. Marriage is good for lots of things, like showing me what a selfish/self-righteous person I am. Unfortunately marriage has brought out the worst in me at times... I have done and said some pretty ugly things. All my ugliness, however, brings me closer to Jesus, makes me more thankful for His sacrifice and makes me more dependent on Him... that's always a good thing. Marriage is best when I put Scott's interests before my own. Marriage is not about me (although it does bless me!) It is about Him! It is for Him! It is a representation of Him and His bride!

7. Lastly, marriage doesn't last. It is temporary. In heaven we will no longer have the marriage relationship we have now (Matt. 22:30). Don't take your focus off the Lord! Your relationship with Him WILL last forever. Pour into that relationship the most and all your earthly relationships, including marriage, will be better. He makes all things better.

Top Ten Ways to Make Yourself Bitter Toward Your Husband

1. Make sure you focus on his faults. Make sure you pay no attention to his strengths and the reasons you married him. Forget that he is a messed up sinner just like you. Meditate on his flaws and think about them often chanting to yourself all the reasons he doesn't deserve you.

2. Expect him to fulfill all your needs. Forget that God is the only One that is meant to fulfill all your needs.

3. Talk badly about him. The more you talk badly about him and his inadequacies the more you will think poorly of him and poor thinking always leads to bitterness.

4. Make sure your children know how lame daddy is. This will help them to be bitter toward him too! That way you can practice bitterness together!

5. Compare him to other men. Especially the ones that are opposite to him in lots of ways. This makes bitterness grow in exponential amounts.

6. Take mental notes all day about the ways you serve him and help him and make sure to not focus on all the ways you are messing up as a submissive, respectful wife.

7. Keep a record of wrongs. This may be the best way to be bitter toward your husband. Never forgive and forget. Always forget about all the ways God has forgiven you, is forgiving you and will forgive you.

8. See marriage as a means to make you happy, not holy. View marriage continually as a way to build you up and make you feel better. In fact, make marriage all about YOU.

9. Have a worldly perspective on marriage. Get angry like the feminists that God calls you to submit to your husband in everything. Despise God's design for marriage and conform to the world's design.

10. Repeat number 7 because nothing says bitterness like an unforgiving heart. Cling to your rights and keep track of every wrong he does every day. In fact, repeat all the points above to really experience bitterness!

hmmm, sound awful? I think so too. But how many of us practice these things? How many of us choose bitterness in our marriage? There is a better way... why don't we do the opposite of the ways listed above and practice grace and humility?

• Let's be sure to focus on our husbands strengths and ignore his faults.
•  Look for ways to meet his needs regardless of how much he fails at meeting yours (YOU'RE THE HELPMEET, NOT HIM-neither was man created for woman, but woman for man-1 Cor. 11:9).  
• Look to God to fulfill your longings and thank Him for the ways your husband is blessing you! 
• Only speak kindly about him. Build him up in front of your children and speak highly of him. Speak in a way that your kids can see why you think daddy is a superhero! 
• See your husband for who he is, your husband. You didn't marry those other guys so don't compare your man to them. Do you want him comparing you to hot, submissive, organized, emotionally stable women all the time? I didn't think so :) 
• Thank the Lord for ways you can serve your man and recognize you are ultimately serving the King of kings! 
• Throw your record of wrongs in the trash. It only wrecks your home and heart. Bitterness is like swallowing poison that lingers and kills slowly. Keep the Lord's great forgiveness toward you in the forefront of your mind and practice it toward your husband. 
• View marriage from God's perspective. As a way to glorify Him. Honor Him. Represent His relationship with the church well. Do your part and let him worry about his. Let the Holy Spirit convict him. He is much better at that than we are! Marriage is a gift from God to further His kingdom... not our selfish kingdoms. 
• And for goodness sakes, don't say: "If he.... then I would submit." Not true. Christ is the perfect Husband and we all fail in our submission toward Him daily. 
•  Our lack of submission is more of a reflection of us than our husbands. Our lack of honor toward our man is a glimpse into our hearts and desire to please the Lord.

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24) 
"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)

Let's resolve to fight against bitterness ladies! BEFORE it takes root and defiles many!

Struggle #5-Turning to food rather than God

"Modern Christians, especially those in the Western world, have generally been found wanting in the area of holiness of body. Gluttony and laziness, for example, were regarded by earlier Christians as sin. Today we may look on these as weaknesses of the will but certainly not sin. We even joke about our overeating and other indulgences instead of crying out to God in confession and repentance." Jerry Bridges

This is a tough one. A very sensitive subject. It is also a VERY common struggle amongst women. God gave us food. Food is good. But we seem to always mess up even the good things He gives. Gluttony seems to be one of the “acceptable Christian sins”. Sometimes even joked about. But God doesn’t find it acceptable or funny. And neither should we. 

I have struggled with food my whole life. It has been my drug of choice. In high school and some of college I struggled with anorexia. I got down to like 80 lbs and still felt I needed to lose weight. My mother was a alcoholic and the only way she seemed to express her love to us was through food. I was angry with her because of her addiction and so I "paid her back" by not eating her meals... in a strange and sick way, I enjoyed watching her suffer with my eating disorder. After a year or so it turned into more of an image disorder and my "relationship" with food has been messed up ever since.

Now I am overweight and am struggling with eating too much rather than too little. God desires balance in this area. Few women seem to find that balance.

Let’s look at Gen. 25:29-34. 

²⁹ Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. ³⁰ He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)
³¹ Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
³² “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
³³ But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
³⁴ Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.

Let's break this down. Jacob had food. Esau wanted food. Esau loved food more than something of greater importance, his birthright. Esau exchanged something as important as his birthright for food! How many of us do this daily? We exchange better health, being more attractive for our husbands, peace and practicing self-control for that cookie, that brownie, that "one more bite"... Let's not be Esaus ladies! We give up so much good just to satisfy our cravings. Our flesh wins way too often.

Also consider Eve. Let’s turn to Gen. 3.6 

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

There is so much in this one verse it is crazy! She SAW the food and thought it looked pleasing and desirable (how many can relate to that pattern of events in their own kitchen or potlucks and family reunions?!) And then, the worst part, "she took some and ate it". This is where she sinned. We are not sinning when we look at food and see it as pleasing or desirable. It is when we are already full and we reach for more and eat it that we sin. Eating is not evil. Eating is a gift. Eating too much is sin. Our bodies show us whether or not we are practicing sin or self-control.
Notice also that Eve's husband suffers because of her decision. Many men won't admit it but they suffer because we overeat. Men are visual and when we carry around extra weight it's just not as visually pleasing... just keepin' it real ladies.

It also affects our relationship with our kids. The fatter I feel and the more I overeat the grumpier I am. The grumpier I am the worse I am as a mom and the less energy I have to play.

Lastly, it affects our relationship with God. He desires for us to crave Him more than we crave food. To pant for Him. To long for Him. To seek Him and His Word. We must desire Him above all else. There is a great book and video series on this called: Made To Crave. Click here to watch a video on it!

However, we can also swing to the other side of the pendulum and make healthy food an idol in our life! Many women may not turn to food instead of God and overeat but they are consumed with the latest research on health food and spend more time studying health than the Word of God. We are to set our eyes, heart and mind on Christ. Not on food. Don't worry about food either way. Jesus said “Do not worry about what you will eat or drink”. I know the context is more about trusting God to provide us with food but in the culture we live in there is plenty of food. Now it is more of an issue of not worrying about it in terms of thinking about it all the time. Food is a tool that we should use to do whatever it is the Lord has for us. We can enjoy it and not obsess over it.

One more thing: "Two mistakes accompany most discussions on gluttony.The first is that it only pertains to those with a less than shapely waistline; the second is that it always involves food. In reality, it can apply to toys, television, entertainment, sex, or relationships. It is about an excess of anything." Chris Donato. Some of you may not turn to food but you may turn to the television. The phone. Facebook. Alcohol. Whatever. We can all turn to something or someone instead of the Lord and His desire is that we turn to Him. He alone satisfies!

A Godly Mother Part 3

#3) A godly mother is hardworking. A worldly mother is lazy.

I am by nature a procrastinator. I have to fight this. I try to keep in mind that work is good for me! It was in the garden BEFORE the fall. It is not part of the curse. I always feel better when I have accomplished much and have been productive with my day as opposed to sitting around and “taking it easy”. I think God made us this way. He put in us a desire to have things in order and to work hard.

Listen to this verse that could describe a home of a woman who neglects it. Prov. 24:30-33 says: “I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down.” Hopefully no one feels like this when they “pass by” our homes. They shouldn't be overgrown with thorns, covered with nettles, cluttered and broken down. We need to tend to them and take care of them as unto the Lord. What does your vineyard look like?

Maybe you aren’t lazy…maybe you are too busy with other things and don't have enough time at home to keep up with the work. I really don’t think the Lord would have us involved in things that cause our vineyard to look overgrown and unkept... He calls us to be "keepers of the home" (Titus 2:5) not "keepers of many things". 

Something else to keep in mind in regards to all this is that we are to adapt to our husbands in this area too. Some of your husbands like the dishes done, or the bathrooms cleaned, the counters cleared off, or if they’re like my husband, they want all the hair ties all picked up J I try to clean my home with my husband's desires in mind. What does your husband desire? What is important to him? Be sure to make a special effort to do what pleases him first.

p.s. this was one of the most convicting lessons for me. I keep thinking about those verses and my vineyard being overgrown with thorns and I am motivated to clean... in fact I think I'll get to work right now! J

Godly Mother Part 1

I feel like much of my spiritual journey since becoming a Christian 10 years ago has consisted of undoing my old way of thinking. Rom. 12:2 says: "Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I need a lot of renewing.

I have noticed that much of what the bible says is the opposite of what everyone else is saying. Do you ever feel that way? Christianity requires a lot of what I call: "opposite thinking". Much of what God says is the opposite of my own thinking. The Word says that His ways aren’t my ways or your ways or the world's ways. I believe this is also true when it comes to motherhood. We have to turn to the Word of God to determine how to be a godly mother.

I have eight points that will outline some differences I have noticed between a godly mother and a worldly mother. I will post a point a day. This is not a list of comparisons to make you feel like a loser. None of us will ever live these out perfectly. Sanctification is a growth process that will not end this side of heaven. I do hope they challenge you in a good way to seek God and His ways and to ask Him to renew your mind in regards to what He sees as a godly mother.

Point #1) A godly mother adapts herself to her husband. A worldly mother resists her husband.

1 Peter 3:1 in the amplified version reads: “you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,”

Adapt means to adjust or modify. Adapting ourselves to our husbands benefits everyone in our home including us. I included pictures of Scott and I on our wedding day because this is where I vowed to submit to him... adapt to him... honor him. I am sobered by those vows! What a lovely day that was!

How we are as wives is a big reflection of how we are as mothers. The bible has much less instruction on how we are to be as moms than for how we are to be as wives. How we are as wives pours over into how we are as moms. Children need a good wife for their daddy.

How are you doing in the area of submitting yourself to your husband? In adapting to him? Are you a blessing to him? Are you his helper or his nagger? Would he describe you as a contentious, unsatisfied woman?  How would your children describe you as a wife? Do you study your husband and look for ways to adapt to him? Or do you resent him and resist him?

Now I can read some of your minds: “Yeah well he!....” “If he would just love me like the bible says to then I would submit!”

We are all called to submit to God. He is the perfect Husband. He loves us unconditionally and yet we rebel against Him everyday. Submission is never easy. No matter who you are married to. It’s a choice. We are to submit to and adapt to our husbands as unto the Lord. Always keep in mind that it is ultimately for God anyway, not your husband.

I know that some of you are in some really hard marriages. I am so sorry. I pray the Lord gives you discernment and wisdom as to how you are to live out the scriptures in regards to being a good wife. I pray He guides you in motherhood and wifehood. Please also consider seeking godly counsel from your pastor. I truly believe it’s never too late.

Good Wife Stuff

I was emailing a friend this morning some "good wife stuff" that I read off of: nogreaterjoy.org (Michael and Debi Pearl). I hope it convicts and encourages you as much as it did me! (It may seem a little jumbled/out of order because I copied and pasted from various articles).

"The first and the most important thing you will ever do as a mother in training your children is to reverence your husband, delight yourself in him, love to obey him, feel honored to be married to him, joy in his presence. In doing so, you are building up your house, you are creating a home, you are establishing a foundation. It is this first and most important ingredient in raising happy, obedient, creative, respectful children, children delighted to be part of the family. This kind of atmosphere in the home causes your children to love each other, to enjoy being with their own brothers and sisters.

Oh, your teens might see that you are not Mr. and Mrs. Perfect, but they will delight in the fact that their parents really like each other. It makes for a very happy, peaceful home life. It makes the promises found in the Bible become a reality. It is the reason some parents who seem to do everything wrong are still able to raise good teens, while other parents who do everything right raise sour young people.

Ladies, we have in our grasp the opportunity to reverence our husbands, thus teaching our children how to reverence God. I can change eternity by choosing to delight myself in my husband, obeying him, loving him and causing him to stand before God free from the shackles of domestic condemnation. As Mike once said, “When a wife suggests that a husband take the lead, any leading he does after that is just following her suggestion.” When you decide what course the family should take and then seek to bring your husband into compliance, you will not only spoil your marriage but your children as well.

ALL men share many of the same “faults”, and ALL women spend their time and emotional energy trying to correct those faults and are frustrated when he is man enough to stand firm against it. A splinter in a man’s eye is hard to get out when a beam is in your own eye. Love, joy, and peace will never come until you lay down your expectation for your husband and learn to cheerfully appreciate him as he is.

In the dominant role, a woman quickly becomes emotionally and physically exhausted. God made us the weaker vessels. If you are in this exhausted state, then chances are you’re carrying a lor thatad not meant for you. It is not for you to press your husband to do his duty to be spiritual. You are to live joyfully in the context he provides.

God designed us, so he knows what our husbands need in order to function properly in their roles as men who cherish the woman in their life. By nature, men need honor (this includes not questioning their decisions). They need respect (treated as if they are wise). They need reverence (daily admired as a man who is accomplishing great things). They need to be accepted for who and what they are, just like they are. Men need to feel they are in command and doing a good job.

An important part of man is a God-given, natural instinct to bring his wife pleasure. If a woman is to be greatly treasured she will choose to find pleasure in the way the man presents himself and his care. All these traits are basic masculine needs. We were created as a helpmeet to the man we married, fulfilling who and what he is. This is God’s will for us as women. When we as women obey God by responding to the needs of our husband, we are worshipping and honoring God. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man (1 Cor. 11:9).”

A man cannot cherish a strong woman who has expressed her displeasure with him and is holding out until he fulfills her ideal. You say he should have Christ’s love. Is that what you want? Do you want your husband to have to seek supernatural power just to find a way to love you? What most men cherish in their wives is the memory when love was fun and free, with no demands—the time when she smiled at him with a sweet, girlish, “I think you are wonderful” look. She was so feminine then, so much the woman. It was a time when he wanted to hold her just because she was his, a time when he wanted to give her everything. A vague memory keeps him hoping. He is as disappointed in love as you are, maybe more. He is just as lonely. He just fills up his loneliness doing things that will distract him from the reality of the emptiness he knows is there but does not know how to fix. His helpmeet is not pleased with him. He is a loser.

God’s reward is without measure. Men are like clay in the hands of a woman whom they can trust with their hearts. A man, lost or saved, responds to a woman who honors him. When a woman looks to her husband with a face that is full of laughter and delight, he will look forward to being with her. If her voice speaks words of thanksgiving and joyful appreciation of him, he will want to listen to her. If her actions are full of service and creativity, and if she has goodwill towards him, he will be drawn to her as a bee is to honey. This kind of lady is altogether feminine. She is what God created and gave to Adam.

I've asked a male or two this question in a over a dozen foreign countries: "What is the most valuable and attractive attribute a woman can have in your culture?" The answer has been consistent in every country, Happy, cheerful, fun, joyful, smiling, good attitude...etc.