Why YOU Are Fundamentally Flawed

I recently (painfully) read THIS ARTICLE titled: Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed. This is my response.

Here is the first quote I want to address...

"The One Dating Rule: Don’t go out with the same guy twice in a row." followed by a quote from his grandma: “If I had only gone out with 3 or 4 guys I wouldn’t have known what I wanted in a husband."

What?! You can ask me, a girl who dated, if she is happy that she went out with different guys and my answer would be: NO! You can ask me if I think it helped me figure out what I wanted in a husband and I would say: NO! All my dating led to regret and heartache. Each time you date someone you are choosing to invest in them emotionally and sometimes, unfortunately, physically. Dating often leads to giving parts of your heart and body to someone who will likely not be your husband/wife.

God gave Eve to Adam. How many people did He choose in His infinite wisdom to give Adam? One. That's right folks...one person. What was God thinking?!! Why didn't He create numerous people for Adam to choose from? That way he would have known that Eve was the right one for him.

Next quote: "It is easier to justify promiscuity when you are exclusively committed to just one person, even if that commitment is only a week old."

Promiscuity exists because of lust and temptation, not because someone is committed to just one person. I have been in dating circles and courting circles, let me share something they have in common: the temptation to go too far physically. Don't blame dating or courting. Blame your flesh, that's what the Word of God blames.

"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am being tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death" (Jam 1:13-15). 

Let's dissect these verses a bit and see what God says leads to temptation and then sin, which in this case manifests itself as promiscuity.

God says first not to blame Him. Sounds good to me. Then He points out each person is tempted when he is carried away because of courtship and because they are committed to just one person... oh wait! No! Each one is tempted when he is carried away by HIS OWN LUST. See, therein lies the issue: YOU. YOU ARE FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED. You have this enemy called the flesh. You are born with it. It is continually enticing you to go agaist the work of the Spirit in your life. Don't blame courting. Don't blame dating. Don't blame your parents. Don't blame your genetics. Blame your flesh. You are fundamentally flawed.

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life" (Pro 4:23).

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "Your heart is deceitful."

Jesus said, ""For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man..." (Matt. 15:19-20).

Your heart is the issue... YOU are the issue. You need a new heart, not a new system, not a new program, not a new list of rules...A NEW HEART. Don't fret! You don't have to try and manufacture this new heart. You don't have to work for it or sign up for some 12 step program. God is in the business of giving new hearts to those who receive His Son!

God said, "I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations" (Eze 36:26-27).

Another quote: "Recently I have seen a spike in divorces amongst couples who courted. I have a few theories as to why this is. Young people whose parents often maintain veto power on all of their decisions are then expected to make this most important decision without any experience in good decision making. They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse. How can you know what personality you fit well with if you only go out with one other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain."

There has been a spike in divorces amongst ALL married couples, not just those who courted. His theories as to why there is a higher divorce rate is another form of blame shifting: it's not the fault of the couple divorcing, courting is to blame! Surely if they dated they would not have divorced! Divorce is a result of sin not a result of not enough taste testing.

Scott and I have counseled many couples that were considering divorce. Here is what they had in common: sin. Here's what they they did not have in common: courtship before marriage. Once again, sin is the issue.

One of my main concerns with articles like this is it encourages people to blame the issues in their marriage on something (courtship) or someone (their parents) instead of their sin. They look to divorce as a way out of their "mismatch" rather than looking to Christ.

The second part of the quote that drives me crazy is where he discusses personality. Every couple is unique and therefore every couple has a unique personality. Every couple also, therefore, has the potential to experience major differences in personality. Things that will annoy you to no end are found in each personality. A "mismatched couple" is really EVERY COUPLE. We are all mismatched in some ways. 

Couples get divorced because of "irreconcilable differences." Every couple has irreconcilable differences outside of the grace, forgiveness and love that's afforded through Christ. For example...

My husband is very organized and efficient. I am very free spirited and unorganized. I have never lived by rules and he enjoys rules. This can lead to many "personality conflicts" (and sometimes does).  Here is what we don't let happen; here is what we don't say: "Well, if we would have dated more people we would have married someone that wasn't so mismatched." We DO say: "You know what, every marriage is composed of two sinners with two different personalities. If we have Christ in common though, surely we have all we need to have a successful marriage."

Matching personalities are not what is needed to make a good marriage. Christ is. Marry someone who loves Christ. 

The article is really long and I am about to make mine just as long so I will stop here with the quotes. I just want to conclude with something I have noticed in my life...

I got my degree in psychology. Something I noticed is everyone blames their issues on their upbringing, their circumstances, etc. That to me is what this article does. Many loving parents wanting the best for their children have chosen courting for their children. If their children court and later get divorced they choose to blame courting, because the alternative would have to be accepting responsibilities for their own decisions. This is the sinful nature that makes us want to shift blame. It began at The Fall and has continued since: "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate" (Gen 3:12). 

I have heard people blame everything on their problems. They're mean because their dad was mean. They're bad wives because their mother set a bad example. They went off the deep end and left the faith because their parents were too strict. They fell into drugs because their parents sent them to public school...or they fell into drugs because their parents home-schooled them, sheltered them too much...the list goes on... and on...and on...

People don't truly change - like permanently change - unless God has worked in their hearts. People don't forsake sin and choose Christ unless the Spirit living inside them enables them. It is only when people recognize they are sinners in desperate need of a Savior that they have good marriages. It is only by grace, and not by a system or set of rules that couples have marriages that glorify the Lord.

You are fundamentally flawed. You fundamentally need Christ.

You can read the second part of my response HERE.

All the Reasons I Shouldn't Homeschool

1. I am unorganized. My mind is everywhere all the time. I am planning something new before the last thing is finished. My house has little piles of lots of things all over that are composed of lost items desperately looking for a home.

2. I have a short temper. I lose it with my kids all too often. I am snappy and impatient.

3. I don't know much of much. Just today I was doing language arts with Rhea and I had NO idea that you use an before a word that starts with a vowel and a with a word that starts with a consonant. I got my degree in psychology but that means nothing.

4. I like my free time. I like to be alone. To read. To go for a walk. To take a nap. Homeschooling takes my time away. It is a big time sucker and I like to be selfish with my time.

5. I am not creative. I hate doing crafts or anything of the sort. The idea of coming up with a lesson plan makes me nauseated.

6. We don't have a lot of money. We have been single income ever since we had our first child 11 months into our marriage. My husband is a pastor... he isn't in the pastorate to make money :)

BUT.... I want to be with my kids! I don't want to lose that precious time with them! Everyone says: "Those years go by so fast!" Why in the world would I want to send my kids away every day for hours a day when everyone tells me this will go by so fast?

Let's address those six points:

1 & 5-I may not be organized or creative but there are lots of people out there that are! I am one of those that loves pre-packeged curriculums. Right now I am just doing letters, numbers and Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons with Ricky (4 years old). I am doing Timberdoodle's basic 1st grade curriculum with Rhea and love it!

2-I have a short temper but God is using homeschooling in all sorts of ways to help chisel that sinful part of me away. Don't run from something just because it conflicts with your struggles. God often uses those things in our lives in mighty ways if we let him!

3-You don't have to be a genius to teach your kids. You just have to be willing to learn yourself! I have talked to so many moms that enjoy learning with their kids! If you have a heart to teach your children the Lord will bless that!


4-I am selfish but this is just another area that the Lord is refining in my life. Just like my temper the Lord wants to rid me of my selfishness and homeschooling is a great tool in the hand of the Lord to do that!

5-see above (because I feel like creative and organized go together in some ways).

6-It's amazing how much you can save with so little money if you are willing! Curriculum is the one thing we splurge on. Because we save like crazy we are able to buy homeschool curriculum without cringing. We currently have no debt. We just paid our house off in January of this year! This is not to brag but to encourage those ladies out there that think they "have" to work! We have four kids six and under and are debt free on a pastor's salary. We never go to coffee, we go to dinner maybe once every three months, we never buy new clothes, we only go shopping about every two weeks and we don't vacation unless it's with church activities. Saving money is a lifestyle. Practice saving and you will get better practice spending and your money will continue to disappear.

Are you considering homeschooling but don't feel cut out?! Don't worry, every homeschooling mom feels like that at some point. You and I are not perfect but we are our kid's moms and we know our kids better than any other teacher ever will. Once you decide in your heart that you want to homeschool your kids be sure to find a community of like-minded people so that you have that support that is so needed.

How do you do it all?!!!

I often hear this: "How do you do it all?!!!" First of all, I don't. Second of all (BIG disclaimer here) I am not saying if you do these things that you are bad, wrong, etc My desire is to simply give some practical tips on how I "find time" :)  Even though I don't "do it all" I thought I would share with you some things I do and don't do that free up time so that I can do things that I think matter most.

A friend wrote me recently and said: " I don't know how in the world you find time to write, post, blog, read, encourage with all your kiddos...Most days I barely have time to eat." Unfortunately, I ALWAYS find time to eat. :) But "find time" is an interesting saying, isn't it? Do we find time? Not really... In a way time finds us. We can't escape it. We all have a certain amount of time... 24 hours... EVERY day to do whatever we CHOOSE. There is the key, we choose what we do with our time. Each minute is so valuable. Ephesians 5:16 says: "Make the most of EVERY opportunity in these evil days." We are either spending our time investing in this life or the next. When you do EVERYTHING for the Lord you are investing in eternity because what we do FOR HIM lasts forever. Now that's cool. Colossians 3:23-24 says: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Good stuff. Convicting stuff. Encouraging stuff.

1. WE DON'T LIKE SPENDING MONEY.  What does buying things have to do with having more time?! Well, if you don't go somewhere to buy things you are saving time. Shopping takes lots of time. Buying things often means clutter. Clutter is stuff that takes your time. Everything we buy becomes something else for us to take care of, to clean, to find a spot for... Everything we buy takes our time. When you don't buy much of anything you have more time!

2. WE BARELY GO ANYWHERE.  We live next to the church where my husband works and where the majority of our social functions happen. Not all of you have this luxury I understand. We (my husband and I) are homebodies anyway and so we aren't tempted to go places anyway. Just to give you an example of how much we are homebodies I will tell you this: our van showed that we should have gone in for an oil change a YEAR AGO because that is when the average person would have traveled 3,000 miles. We were at like the 2,000 mile mark. Driving places takes time too. The less you drive the more time you have to do other things that you decide matter more.

3. I DON'T READ BOOKS. (or at least finish them). Books are great. I love books. I just never finish them. I try and get out of them what I NEED. They are a resource but I don't want them to be a "time sucker". Use things like books, don't let them use you. There is so much good stuff on the internet too that often puts into a shorter form what books are trying to portray. There is SO much info on homemaking, recipes, being a godly wife, a good mom, commentaries etc. that are on-line in a condensed form. And remember if you don't buy it you don't have to shop for it and it won't clutter up your home and give you something else to clean up and therefore you have more time!

4. WE HOME SCHOOL. Homeschooling frees up time in some ways and takes it in others. Obviously I have to take time to teach my children. But this is one of the things I decided is WELL WORTH MY TIME. It frees time up because we don't have to get up and going and out the door and driving somewhere. We are at school all the time :) My kids have more time too because of it! Getting done with school work by noon frees up lots of time (having no homework helps too!)

5. AS OF NOW, WE DON'T DO SPORTS. Sports seem to be a major time sucker for lots of families. Which is fine if that family has decided that that is something that is very important. Scott and I have discussed sports at length. We are thinking of letting one child pick one sport a year. That way we can go as a family and support that child. We also want to teach our children to look at sports from an eternal perspective (just like we want them to look at all things in life). If and when we do sports we want our child to represent Christ well in their sport and to share the gospel/invite their teammates to church etc. How well our kids do in sports has no eternal value unless we seek to do it for the Lord and I doubt He cares if we take first place or not.

6. I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST. (sometimes I wish I was a little more than I am :) I think perfectionists have a tendency to spend a lot of time on things. They want it to be perfect after all! I am happy with things being done. Just done. Not perfect. Take this blog for example. It is far from perfect. My goal is not to have a beautiful impressive blog, my goal is to encourage my sisters in Christ.

I am happy to have my house looking nice and picked up and but maybe not necessarily immaculate. We should do things well, because as I said earlier everything we do should be done for the Lord, but we don't want to be consumed by things just so they can be perfect. Don't be a Martha concerned about many things that don't matter in light of eternity. Be a Mary. Seek the Lord. Seek to serve Him and please Him. Don't seek to impress others.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”-Luke 10:38-42

Don't be a perfectionist. Be a Mary. Look to invest in things that can't be taken away from you. Things of eternal value.

7. I DON'T MAKE A FUSS OVER MEALS. I think some women spend a lot of time planning meals, cooking meals, cleaning up after meals. I keep things simple. Take today for example. I used one skillet to make the whole family scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast. For lunch the kids had peanut butter and chocolate chip (just a few :) sandwich on whole grain bread. For dinner tonight we are having leftovers. As long as your family is eating healthy I don't think it matters how fancy/complicated it is.
 
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit..."Romans 14:17


8. I DON'T HAVE MANY HOBBIES. This is a big one. I have seen many women get into hobbies and it takes over their time. I don't sew, play sports, make things etc. This frees up lots of time. There is nothing wrong with hobbies, just don't let them be another time sucker in your life. Now blogging is a hobby but it is one that I think has eternal value. Hopefully it is encouraging people in their walks with the Lord and I am excited for my children to be able to read it when they are older. I would have loved it if my mom did something like this for me to look back on and read! I also enjoy facebook and view it as a hobby of sorts but I see it as a eternal hobby because I am able to hopefully encouraging people in their walks with the Lord. Choose your hobbies wisely and prayerfully.

9. I DON'T TALK ON THE PHONE OR HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS MUCH. Need I say more? Going out even one day a week really puts me behind on laundry, house cleaning, time with kids, homeschooling etc. Talking on the phone does the same thing. I have plenty social time with all the activities at church, I don't need to add more to my plate.

10. I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY NO. This may be the most important. I don't know if it is a woman thing or what but we seem to struggle with telling people no. This is why it is so important to sit down with your husband and talk about priorities. What are you going to make your life about? What are you going to allow to take your time? Once you figure that out you can figure out what to say no to. 

11. I LOOK FOR WAYS TO MULTITASK. Multitasking gives us lots of extra time. Doing two things at once always helps! For example, if I'm on the phone (even though like I said I barely am) I try to unload the dishwasher, clean counters, clear the table, sweep etc. While cleaning the kitchen I always try to listen to a sermon or the audio bible. Look for ways to multitask.

We all have 24 hours. We all have time to find. We all have to choose what we will do with our time.  Be intentional with how you spend your time.
 
"Do you love life? Then do not waste time for that is what life is made of." anonymous quote 

Sorry about the button... I just couldn't help myself! :)

Another Reason To Homeschool

Click here to watch an amazingly devastating video 20/20 did on bullying in schools.

This just makes me want to keep my children in the safe haven of our home and teach them my self even more. What a cruel world out there for poor children! The evil young people are capable of is disgusting.

More Homeschooling Goodness

I suppose homeschooling is on my mind since most children that go to school are back at it after a hot summer. One of my favorite bloggers says that we should always be preparing for the NEXT season. Rhea is 2. I plan on starting some sort of "schooling" with her when she is four. I am studying different techniques and thoughts quite a bit, so that, when the time arrives I am prepared (or some what anyhow!).

I wanted to share some goodies I found with ya all!

• Over at Sprittibee I found a HUGE list of homeschool links.

• Kelly Crawford recently made a post titled: Homeschool Help!

• And finally Jamie over at Rose Cottage gave some GREAT reasons as to why she home-schools

Great List of homeschool "musts"

borrowed this list from Kelly Crawford.

At the top of our list of educational goals are:

• A love and understanding of Scripture (the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.)
• Teaching them to be self-learners. In my opinion, the government knows full-well how dangerous a society of self-learners can be, and has purposely created a system that convinces the masses they can only receive a real education through the transferring of information from a “professional”; such a concept ensures that people will be taught only what is “safe” for an engineered society. But for centuries, the most intelligent men and women of history were self-taught; the average high school graduate can not even decipher the writings of these historical intellects. I believe John Taylor Gatto when he says the system has purposely “dumbed down” our students. The proof is in the pudding.
• Teaching them to think. Ask them questions, challenge their reasoning, and press them to give an answer for opinions they express.
• Giving them a love of reading. Not all children will love to read as much as others; but from the very beginning, one of the most important things a parent can do is to read to their children, read in front of them, and make books an important part of life. Another thing is to read challenging books in their hearing, even if they don’t grasp it all. They need to hear rich language before they understand it, just as they need to hear simple language before they can speak it.
• Communication skills. The ability to express one’s self is vitally important. Writing well and speaking well are invaluable assets in any choice of career or role in life. These skills usually come more naturally to a prolific reader, and the more parents verbally communicate with their children the better. (Another benefit, in my opinion, of not being dominated by a peer group for most of the day.)
• Teaching them to be numerate. I’m not as concerned with whether my children pass trigonometry as I am that they are able to understand measurements and basic life-concepts of math. I made a B in college Calculus and still struggle making change at a yard sale
• A love of arts. Poetry, music, beauty–whether it be an intricate composition of notes, or the simple, mysterious beauty in the arrangement of wildflowers, we seek to heighten an awareness of the order, creativity and beauty that makes up the very character of the God we serve.

homeschooling book sale

Hi everyone!

My favorite blogger (Kelly Crawford) is having a sale on her e-book: Think Outside the Classroom. If you homeschool or are thinking about it I am sure this will be a good purchase!

Click here to check it out!

More Homeschooling Advice

Here is some more homeschooling advice. This time for family and friends of those who homeschool:

I found this lovely list posted by Kendra Fletcher on Preschoolers and Peace. It was too good not to share. (her blog doesn't exist anymore but I still wanted to give her credit).

___________________________________________________________________________________

If you are the mother, grandmother, sister, friend, father, or brother of a homeschooling mom, here are some things you should know:

1. Educating children at home is a full-time job. Don't get irritated if she consistently allows the answering machine to do its job. If she were a teacher in an institutional classroom, you probably wouldn't think of calling her during school hours, so try to realize that while still at home, she is keeping regular school hours, too.

2. Unlike homes in which the children are gone for eight straight hours, her home is in a constant state of activity. The children are not only home, they are home making messes. All day long. Their mother doesn't even have the opportunity to go into their rooms while they are at school and weed out the junk. And if she is like me, you might find odd homeschooly things lying around- like the month we had a dead turtle in the garage fridge.

3. Housekeeping and homeschooling are mutually exclusive. If she is doing her job educating her children academically, then her house is not being cleaned. If she takes the day to clean the house, then school will not be accomplished.

4. Place realistic expectations on her- she cannot simultaneously teach school, make three square meals, keep a house that looks like it has sprung out of the pages of Architectural Digest, have her nails done, drive children to extracurricular activities, and have all the clothing laundered and pressed. Something's gotta give, and in my experience, it is usually her personal care. So don't expect her to don the latest styles, have her roots meticulously dyed at just the right moment, and her aforementioned nails filed and polished to perfection. And while most of us aren't slovenly, we just tend to put some superfluous aspects of personal care at the bottom of the to-do list.

5. For many of us, homeschooling isn't an option. Many believe it is not only the best way for their family, it is the only way. Many see homeschooling as a Scriptural directive. When sharing a particular struggle unique to homeschooling, comments like, "Well, why don't you consider putting them in school? Maybe homeschooling just isn't your thing" aren't helpful. Instead, offer a listening ear and your fervent prayers on her behalf.

6. If you are truly concerned about the state of her emotions, home, children, or marriage, offer practical help to ease her burden. Personal time is at a premium for her, so consider offering to take her kids for the day so she can recuperate. If you like to do laundry, offer to come over and get the loads going, fold, and/or iron. If you like to cook, consider putting together some meals that she can store in the freezer for days when time is at a premium. If she teaches a broad spectrum of ages and grades, consider offering to come in once a week or more to teach preschool to the little ones. One grandma I know created "Nana U" for her preschool grandson (number five of seven) and not only did it ease her homeshooling daughter's burden, it created a special bond between grandma and the child.

But there’s a caveat here: ASK her what would be most helpful to her.Don’t presume to know what would help her. Taking the oldest children for the day might be fun for you, but it’s quite possibly not at all helpful to her. The living room might need to be vacuumed, but it’s not helpful if she’s trying to take a nap. Someone once told me, “If it’s not wanted, it’s not helpful.”

7. Think about what a financial burden homeschooling may be placing on the family. The loss of her possible income can be a real struggle nowadays, and you might be able to buoy her for another year by offering to purchase little things like simple school supplies. Gifts for the children like books on subjects of interest to the child, field trip fees, museum memberships, and the money to pay for music lessons or other extracurricular activities are the best thing you could give a homeschooling family. Not only does a homeschooling mom not need one more thing to manage or pick up, she would be thrilled to see you take an interest in the many academic items on her wish list.

8. Simple questions like, "How can I pray for you?" and "Is there any way I can help you?" are like a cool breeze in her life. Don't assume you know her needs- ask. You could just be the vessel God uses to carry her on through this very demanding and ultimately rewarding season of her life.

My Kind of homeschooling...

In researching homeschooling I have found the Charlotte Mason method to be my favorite so far. I have pasted below an excerpt from a website describing her methods. If you want to see more click here.

Charlotte Mason was a British educator who lived in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Her method, the Charlotte Mason method, is centered around the idea that education is three-pronged: Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life.

By “Atmosphere,” Charlotte meant the surroundings in which the child grows up. A child absorbs a lot from his home environment. Charlotte believed that atmosphere makes up one-third of a child’s education.

By “Discipline,” Charlotte meant the discipline of good habits — and specifically habits of character. Cultivating good habits in your child’s life make up another third of his education.

The other third of education, “Life,” applies to academics. Charlotte believed that we should give children living thoughts and ideas, not just dry facts. So all of her methods for teaching the various school subjects are built around that concept.

For example, Charlotte’s students used living books rather than dry textbooks. Living books are usually written in story form by one author who has a passion for the subject. A living book makes the subject “come alive.”

She taught spelling by using passages from great books that communicate great ideas rather than just a list of words.

She encouraged spending time outdoors, interacting with God’s creation firsthand and learning the living ways of nature.

You can see many other living methods she used on this methods chart.

Many homeschoolers have adopted her philosophy and methods as they seek to educate the whole child, not just his or her mind.

more reasons to home school

I found this great list of 55 reasons to home school. (I got it from www.nhen.org)

1. Spend more time together as a family. 2. Spend more time with children when they are rested and fresh rather than tired and cranky from school. 3. Avoid having to struggle to get children to do the tedious busywork that is so often sent home as homework. 4. Allow children time to learn subjects not usually taught in their school. 5. Allow children to have time for more in-depth study than what is allowed in school. 6. Allow children to learn at their own pace, not too slow or too fast. 7. Allow children to work at a level that is appropriate to their own developmental stage. Skills and concepts can be introduced at the right time for that child. 8. Provide long, uninterrupted blocks of time for writing, reading, playing, thinking, or working so that the child is able to engage in sophisticated, complex activities and thought processes. 9. Encourage concentration and focus – which are discouraged in crowded classrooms with too many distractions. 10. Encourage the child to develop the ability to pace her/himself – this is prevented in a classroom where the schedule is designed to keep every child busy all the time. 11. Spend a lot of time out-of-doors. This is more healthy than spending most weekdays indoors in a crowded, and often overheated, classroom. 12. Spending more time out-of-doors results in feeling more in touch with the changing of the seasons and with the small and often overlooked miracles of nature. 13. Children learn to help more with household chores, developing a sense of personal responsibility. 14. Children learn life skills, such as cooking, in a natural way, by spending time with adults who are engaged in those activities. 15. More time spent on household responsibilities strengthens family bonds because people become more committed to things they have invested in (in this case, by working for the family). 16. Time is available for more nonacademic pursuits such as art or music. This leads to a richer, happier life. 17. Children will not feel like passive recipients of subject matter selected by their teachers. They will learn to design their own education and take responsibility for it. 18. Children will realize that learning can take place in a large variety of ways. 19. Children will learn to seek out assistance from many alternative sources, rather than relying on a classroom teacher to provide all the answers. 20. A more relaxed, less hectic lifestyle is possible when families do not feel the necessity to supplement school during after-school and week-end hours. 21. Busywork can be avoided. 22. Learning can be more efficient since methods can be used that suit a child’s particular learning style. 23. Children will avoid being forced to work in “cooperative learning groups” which include children who have very uncooperative attitudes. 24. Children can learn to work for internal satisfaction rather than for external rewards. 25. Children will not be motivated to “take the easy way out” by doing just enough work to satisfy their teacher. They will learn to be their own judge of the quality of their own work. 26. Children will be more willing to take risks and be creative since they do not have to worry about being embarrassed in front of peers. 27. Children will be more confident since they are not subject to constant fear of criticism from teachers. 28. Peer pressure will be reduced. There will be less pressure to grow up as quickly in terms of clothing styles, music, language, interest in the opposite sex. 29. Social interactions will be by choice and based on common interests. 30. Friends can be more varied, not just with the child’s chronological age peer group who happen to go to the same school. 31. Field trips can be taken on a much more frequent basis. 32. Field trips can be much more enjoyable and more productive when not done with a large school group which usually involves moving too quickly and dealing with too many distractions. 33. Field trips can be directly tied into the child’s own curriculum. 34. Volunteer service activities can be included in the family’s regular schedule. Community service can be of tremendous importance in a child’s development and can be a great learning experience. 35. Scheduling can be flexible, allowing travel during less expensive and less crowded off-peak times. This can allow for more travel than otherwise, which is a wonderful learning experience. 36. Children will be less likely to compare their own knowledge or intelligence with other children and will be less likely to become either conceited or feel inferior. 37. Religious and special family days can be planned and celebrated. 38. More time will be spent with people (friends and family) who really love and care about the children. Children will bond more with siblings and parents since they will spend more time together playing, working, and helping each other. 39. Feedback on children’s work will be immediate and appropriate. They won’t have to wait for a teacher to grade and return their work later to find out if they understood it. 40. Feedback can be much more useful than just marking answers incorrect or giving grades. 41. Testing is optional. Time doesn’t have to be spent on testing or preparing for testing unless the parent and/or child desires it. 42. Observation and discussion are ongoing at home and additional assessment methods are often redundant. Testing, if used, is best used to indicate areas for further work. 43. Grading is usually unnecessary and learning is seen as motivating in and of itself. Understanding and knowledge are the rewards for studying, rather than grades (or stickers, or teacher’s approval, etc.). 44. Children can be consistently guided in a family’s values and can learn them by seeing and participating in parents’ daily lives. 45. Children will learn to devote their energy and time to activities that THEY think are worthwhile. 46. Children will be able to learn about their ethnicities in a manner that will not demean. Children will be able to understand multiculturalism in its true sense and not from the pseudo-multicultural materials presented in schools which tend to depict others from a dominant culture perspective. 47. Children will not learn to “fit into society,” but will, instead, value morality and love more than status and money. 48. Children do not have to wait until they are grown to begin to seriously explore their passions; they can start living now. 49. Children’s education can be more complete than what schools offer. 50. Children who are “different” in any way can avoid being subjected to the constant and merciless teasing, taunting, and bullying which so often occurs in school. 51. Children with special needs will be encouraged to reach their full potential and not be limited by the use of “cookie cutter” educational methods used in schools. 52. Low standards or expectations of school personnel will not influence or limit children’s ability to learn and excel. 53. Children will be safer from gangs, drugs, and guns. 54. Parents will decide what is important for the children to learn, rather than a government bureaucracy. 55. Family will not be forced to work within school’s traditional hours if it does not fit well with their job schedules and sleep needs.

Homeschooling Advice

Scott and I desire to homeschool our children. We believe this is just an extension of "training your child in the way they should go." Why would I want to give the gift of teaching my children to someone else? The article posted below gives great advise on the things we need to succeed in homeschooling: vision, guidance, determination, consistency, patience, positive attitude flexibility and support. Read on:

"When a family decides to homeschool, one of the most common questions people will ask them is, "Why?" For some, the motivation may be educational. For others, spiritual. Whatever the reason, most parents are able to give a solid, well-formed answer to anyone who asks. But often, during the darker seasons of homeschooling, the feelings of frustration and hopelessness may drive the parent to turn and ask themself that same question. The enemy knows that if he strikes the shepherd, the sheep will scatter. This truth applies to homeschool families as well. If he can convince the parent that they don't have what it takes, or they aren't smart enough, or they don't do it just right, then the parent may become too overwhelmed and give up. The results can be devastating for both the parent and the student. It should be understood that the success of a homeschooling parent cannot be guaranteed by a college education. It is not established by a teaching certificate. It cannot be created out of intelligence, prosperity or a spotless reputation. No, the foundation of a successful homeschooling parent comes from a servant's heart and a passion to see their child learn and grow. If a homeschooling parent can read, they can teach. If they love and understand their child, they can provide a positive learning environment. If they are willing to keep trying, they have a continual chance at success. Homeschooling is merely the vehicle by which the Christian parent launches their child into a balanced, victorious life. With humility and the right perspective, the various elements can be set in motion. Vision This is the big picture or the mental image of the end result. The parent envisions a confident, educated, spiritually effective graduate that is ready to fulfill the call God has for their life. Guidance: the Map This represents input and advice that parents receive from other successful homeschooling families, and the prayer and encouragement provided from spiritual leaders. Determination: the Fuel This element motivates the parent to persist in the face of opposition, setbacks and disappointments. These will come, but they do not need to be roadblocks. Consistency: the Rear-View Mirror The purpose of this is for the parent to see what they have already accomplished in order to assess the upcoming course. This will help them make any necessary changes without compromising foundational values. Patience: the Cruise Control This helps set the pace. By doing so, the parent won't rush the child ahead prematurely in their studies, nor become anxious if the child needs more time. Positive Attitude: the Steering Wheel The attitude of both the parent and the student can affect the entire homeschooling environment. A positive attitude will help build and maintain a rewarding and successful educational experience. Flexibility: the Turn Signals No homeschool course is designed to be a one-way street. There is freedom to make changes to promote the highest learning potential for the student. Support: the Tires No parent can take on the homeschooling task alone. For a smoother ride, parents will find security and wisdom in a multitude of counselors. There is also comfort and value in a friend to confide in when things become difficult. Nearly every well-seasoned homeschooling parent has encountered uncertainty at some point during their teaching experience, but the comforting thing is that all have survived. The secret to the Christian parent's persistence is really no secret at all. The most successful homeschooling parents are those who understand where they are going, and who they are in Christ. This motivates them to keep charging ahead despite the questions and doubts that may continue to arise."-written by Amy Miller