My Second "Non-Babywise" Baby

My sweet Chloe was born on December 6th 2014. She was my second homebirth (you can read about my first homebirth here). The birth went as expected: lots of pain followed by lots of joy :) oh and p.s. this was the first time I didn't find out what I was having and it definitely was NOT all it's cracked up to be. Not doing that again.

Oh my goodness! How cute is my Chloe bug?!

I had decided when I was pregnant that I would do a "non-babywise" thing again with this baby as I had done with Charis. Now truth be told I was terrified (slight exaggeration) that I would change my mind... because... well... I do that A LOT. But yeah! I didn't change my mind and I am loving having my sweet Chloe bug on what I call: a go with the flow sleep training schedule. 

Now "go with the flow" and "schedule" don't usually go together. But I believe I have found a happy balance. Here are my tips on how to not have your baby screaming their head off periodically while also not losing your mind. 

#1. NEVER sleep with your baby. Alright, so I totally just lost half of you right there. But try it out! Sleeping with your baby trains your baby to sleep with you. Duh. But sleeping with you also means lots and lots of nursing and that can often mean no sleep for you or daddy or baby. Now, hey, if you want to sleep with your baby and that's what your husband wants (mine definitely didn't) then by all means go for it.

#2. Have a transition plan. My babies when they are first born are placed in the little bassinet and placed next to my bed. When they start to become more aware of their surroundings I transition them to a more private place like a bathroom or closet (big closet with good air flow) that is still close to my bed but far enough away that they don't see me. Around 6 months I transition them to the crib. Chloebug (her nickname) is almost 7 months so has been in her crib for about a month and it's going great! Now, by great, I don't mean: sleeping through the night. That, unlike babywise moms, is not my ultimate goal. I'll sleep later in life. I am able to nurse and go back to sleep and so it's not a big deal to lose out on sleep in 10 min. increments knowing that I am still in my own bed without a baby about 7-8 hours a night. Chloe usually gets up around 1-2 times in an 8 hour period. I nurse her in the dark and lay her right back down with her pacifier (I LOVE THE PACIFIER). Which brings me to number 3.

#3. Use a pacifier. There are so many oppositions to the pacifier that you can start to fear it's use. I didn't use a pacifier with my third and fourth child and they both still suck their finger (one is 2 and one is 5). Pacifiers can be taken away. Chloe has never shown "nipple confusion" and it never has hindered her nursing. Lastly, I taught her how to take it in and out of her mouth on her own so that I don't have to go in constantly and put it back in. You just practice when they are awake. Pacifiers have also been shown in helping preventing sids. Speaking of that, this is the first baby I have put on their back. I was not too excited about that but my husband insisted that I did and I was petrified of one of our babies dying from sids and us having to live with that if we had them on their tummies. One of my friends is a NICU nurse and she said she has never seen a baby come in who died from sids that was on their back... every single one was on their tummy... put that bit of info together with the fact that our friend's neighbor had just lost a baby to sids and they had the baby on their tummy. So I put Chloe on her back and swaddled her with one of these. It went fine and now she is swaddle free and rolling all around in her crib. I still lay her down on her back and she often chooses to sleep that way now anyway.

#4. Try feeding your baby whenever they wake up. This idea actually did come from babywise with it's: feed, wake, sleep routine. Chloe wakes up, I nurse her, let her "play" and then lay her down WIDE AWAKE. Now here's the deal though, for the first three months this rarely happens as planned and I am okay with that. I wore Charis (my first non-babywise baby) a lot the first three months and I did that a lot with Chloe as well. I was so afraid to wear my first "babywise babies" and was so pleasantly surprised that they could still sleep by themselves at night and that I wasn't training them to only sleep on me like I had feared. I never let Chloe and Charis scream like I did with my first three. I would do a "go with the flow schedule/routine" of: sleep, wake, feed, play, sleep. But sometimes I nursed them to sleep and sometimes I would wear them to get them to sleep during the day. By the time they were almost four months old I wasn't wearing them anymore and they were going to sleep happy! I never watched the clock but instead prayed that God with give me motherly wisdom to nurture, love and train my babies as He would have me do, not as man says I should. How did Eve survive without Gary Ezzo telling her what to do?! In fact, she didn't even have a clock! Oh. my. 

#5. Don't stress. Easy right? Ha! Yeah right! Stress is something we as people, especially a Christian people, have to combat daily. Stressing usually is due to a lack of trust in God but in the case of being the mama of a new baby it's often due to just not knowing what to do! It's hard to meet the needs of a little one that can't talk yet! It's hard to know why they are crying again and again. Mothering seems like something that should "come naturally" but just like many things in life, it is a learning process. For some of you though the learning curve isn't as severe because you were raised around babies, I wasn't. But I have found such a profound difference in mothering my fifth baby verses my first. Oh that I could go back and tell myself to chill out! I remember sprinting through the house as fast as I could to pick up Rhea (my firstborn) because she was crying. Now I understand crying is part of life. It's a part of my life as an adult and for a baby. I don't believe in letting my baby cry for long periods of time because frankly that's what "crack moms" do. Sounds harsh. But it's true! Crack moms don't tend to their babies needs and nurture them. Crack moms leave their babies to cry for hours. I have learned to enjoy this season more. Not freak out about crying and not let it go on and on. Now when I lay Chloe down I recognize which cry means: "I'm not going to sleep" and which one means: "I'm sleepy and need to fuss a bit". I enjoy my "go with the flow" mothering so much more than rigid scheduling! Life doesn't always happen on schedule and so pray and ask God to help you to not stress when things don't go according to your plan. Stressing totally takes your joy and prevents you from loving the baby season!

#6 Have a "security blanket" for them. I love my pacifiers and blankies. I pick out a soft blankie, preferably lighter so that it isn't too hot in the summer, before the baby arrives. I nurse them with it and lay them down with it. These come in so handy in the car when they need to settle down, at church, when they are upset and best of all at nap and bed time! 

Those are my 6 simple tips on how to "train" a non-babywise baby to sleep. Thoughts? Questions? Be sure to leave them in the comment section! Thanks for stopping by! 

My Second Homebirth

I did it again. I can't believe it. Up to the last week before I had my second homebirth I was contemplating how great it would be to get an epidural... My little loves due date came and went. November 30th my baby was due and I kept saying: "plan for December 6th". Well, guess what? My little baby girl, Chloe Marie, was born on December 6th at 12:05 a.m.!

It was a Friday. My day began with story time at the library. Me, my sister and her kids and my four littles walked over to the library across the street at 10 a.m. and participated in story time/craft time. On the walk home with my sister I said: "Man, sorry I'm walking so slow these contractions are holding me up." They didn't feel like "real labor" contractions... but they were enough to make me want to walk slow.

The rest of daylight was pretty uneventful. Minor contractions when I moved around a lot, but nothing consistent....UNTIL about 5 p.m. I was making the kids some food and pausing for contractions. I told Scott: "Hmmm, these ones feel different..." His excited response: "Well, is it the real deal?!" Me: "Nah, I doubt it." He went to the gym. I texted him and said: "I think we are going to have to cancel dinner with that family...I might go into labor tonight!" He wrote them and they were understanding :)

At about 6 p.m. I called my inlaws and asked them to take the kids. I was starting to think "tonight's the night" but still afraid to completely admit it. Scott took the kids to his parents house and I vacuumed :)

At about 8 p.m. I still "wasn't sure"... why do I do that?! I just don't want to get my hopes up I guess.

I started singing during my contractions (something I used to make fun of). Here is a video of me singing to my sweet Chloe out of the womb the same song I sang to her during labor. The verse of this song was perfect because it takes about 45 seconds to sing and that's how long my contractions were and besides that I love that song, it ALWAYS ministers to me.

Scott would come in and be like: "This is it right?!" Finally, around 9 p.m., I said "Yep! My water just broke!" At the peak of one of my contractions I felt this crazy POP and my water broke. I texted my midwives and let them know and told them I would text them when things got crazy... but they decided to come anyway (and I'm glad they did!). They arrived at about 9:30 p.m.

Daddy got to hold her right after they cut the cord.

a picture of me holding Chloe moments after birth.

First picture of all five children together.

I continued to sing through contractions and labored in my bed in the dark. It was peaceful. At about 10:30 p.m. I decided it was time to get in the tub (which is code for: "I can't handle these contractions anymore without the warm water!"). I got in and felt immediate relief. In my first homebirth with Charis I didn't say one word to my midwives the whole labor... I think because I was in such shock with how terrible it was... it was my first full natural birth (I labored 12 hours with Rhea with no epidural but the labor overall was 18 hours). With Chloe's birth though I knew what I was in for and I talked to my midwives in between contractions asking: "What do I need to do to get this going faster?" They told me the more that I got out and walked around the better. They also told me to sit on the toilet backwards and rest my head on a pillow on the back of the toilet...ay-yi-yi... ouchie...hurt...pain... you get the point. Those contractions threw me into throwing up mode and made my whole body shake. Not fun, but they made things go faster. Mission accomplished.

At about 11:45 p.m. I was ready to start pushing. I expected it to go EXACTLY like it did with Charis (Don't do that with birth... ever, ever, ever...just like children, each one is unique and different). It felt like I was pushing against a brick wall... like something was blocking her... the midwives thought maybe her arm was positioned above her head... not sure. It was WAY more painful than my pushing was with Charis. My midwives were champs and helped me all along the way and little Chloe bug entered the world at 12:05 a.m. on December 6th! She actually came out and didn't breathe for a bit so one of my midwives did mouth to mouth on her a couple of times and she perked right up. One of my very favorite things about homebirth is the lack of chaos... the calm... the flow... I have a feeling if I were in the hospital there would have been major panic.

I got to hold her for quite a while (lost track of time) until they cut the cord (another thing I love about homebirth is how long they leave the cord attached!). Afterwards I got to get in my own shower and go to my bedroom where they weighed and measured her (8 lbs 12oz, 20 in.) and I got to go to bed IN MY OWN BED!

Birth isn't fun. But since it is inevitable when having a baby I will choose to have them at home :)

My First Homebirth

Charis is six months old! Can you believe it?! We love our sweet girl and are so glad we reversed our decision to not have any more children. Look what we would have missed out on!

After six months of reflection I thought it would be good to post about my home birth experience. Let me open by saying: I NEVER...EVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO A HOME BIRTH :) With Rhea (my first) I had every intention in the world to have a natural childbirth in the hospital... um, yeah right. I went on and on the months before going into labor about how women have done it for thousands of years, I can do it to! I remember my sister said something like: "Um, sister, you might want to wait until you have a baby before you go talking about how easy it is..." Yeah, wish I would have listened to her. After about 12 hours of labor with Rhea and being dilated to only a three I called it quits and got that lovely thing called an: epidural :) WOWZA. that thing made me feel like I wasn't even having a baby. It did wear off at the pushing point though... I pushed for over an excruciating hour and then my beautiful baby girl was FINALLY there!

My second birth was my son Ricky. I told Scott: "well, I'll go as long as 'possible' without the epidural." (I think we both knew that wouldn't be very long). Once I started puking over and over I decided to "hook it up". Ricky was a much easier labor over all. But he came out with a 104 temp and was immediately taken from me and put on antibiotics... still not sure what happened there.

18 months later Johnny came. This time I was a week overdue and my blood pressure was through the roof. My mother had died suddenly a couple days before I was due and I think I was internalizing a lot of things (obviously) and they broke my water to start labor... and I got the epidural..... again. It was a very UN-eventful labor...if there is such a thing :)

Fast forward two years. I am pregnant with Charis and seriously considering a home birth. The only reason for that is because of where I now live: Washington. The state with the highest rate of home births. Almost every single one of my closest friends here does home births (a lot of them with the same Christian mid-wife).

I thought: "well, I would like to do a natural child-birth and I KNOW I won't do that at a hospital with that epidural so readily available. I also hate them waking me up all night and not really feeling like my baby is mine until I leave the hospital." So, Scott and I talked and decided yep, we're gonna do it! I had no idea what I said yep to.

On February 6th around 7 a.m. Johnny came in the room with me and cuddled. I had some pretty strong contractions about 10 min. apart.... I thought: "I bet this isn't it." The morning proceeded. Scott was at his office in an important meeting so I didn't bother him. The kids started making fun of the silly/crazy sounds/breathing noises I was making every five minutes or so. They were impersonating me and laughing pretty hard. not. funny. I called my dad and his lovely wife and asked if they could come over and help me out with the kiddos (they were staying at my in-laws waiting for me to have the baby).

They came over around 10 a.m. Kathleen offered to make me a omelet and I gladly accepted the offer (I puked it up a couple hours later). At this point I was laying on my bed breathing through sporadic contractions. Scott came home around 10:30. I called my midwife around 11. She said: "Hmmm, we might be having a baby today." I still didn't believe it. I called my friend Bonnie and she said: "I think this is it!" I still didn't believe it. Around noon though, I told my dad: "I think this is it."

Scott got the birthing tub out and... POPPED IT! I was like: "What is that sound?!" It was a hilarious sight (now I think it's hilarious). Our dear friend/contractor, my father in law, step mom and dad were frantically running around looking for duct tape! :) They found the duct tape and I asked my dad to take the kiddos back to my in-laws. IT WAS HAPPENING... and I was puking... and in so much pain....

Scott started to fill the tub and we called our midwife and told her this was the real deal. She got there around 1. The tub was full and I was in there....dying.... or at least that's what it felt like. I just kept telling myself: "Next time I can get the epidural..." That was the only thing making me feel better :)

She checked me and said I was at a five. I was depressed. A five?!!! This is going to take FOREVER! The contractions were strong but the water helped SO much. I didn't realize how much the water was helping until I got out to try and go to the bathroom... I had three contractions right on top of each other that were INTENSE. I couldn't even stand. My husband was holding me up and I said: "I want to go back into that tub... NOW."

Well, it didn't take forever... in fact after only 2 more hours of labor and 7 minutes of pushing, she was in my arms at 3 p.m.!!! All I kept saying was: "Isn't she beautiful?! Isn't she beautiful?!!" Scott was crying lots of tears of joy. We called my family (my parents, his parents and our kiddos) immediately and skyped with them via i-phone (sometimes I love technology :)

I got to hold her as long as I wanted. Then I passed her off to one proud and happy daddy.

After that I got into my OWN shower. And walked down the hall to my OWN bed. My whole family got to come in and share in the excitement. It was wonderful. The pain stunk. I hated it. Suffering is never fun. BUT the joy of having my baby in my own home made it all worth it.

It was amazing... My husband was such a champ! He did a great job doing whatever I asked promptly! :) I about broke his hand from squeezing it so hard. My midwives were awesome! They have delivered well over a thousand babies in homes! There are so many other details I could share. But I figure that's enough for now. Let me know if you have any questions or thoughts!

Will I do it again? Yes.