What Do You Let Steal Your Identity?

We recently had a ladies conference at our church and this is a transcript of my message! The theme was: Identity In Christ. To listen to my message click here. 

What titles or identities do you crave? Do you want to be known as a woman who has self-control? Is smart? Thin? Pretty? How about an excellent homemaker? Independent? Popular? Funny? We all crave different identities.

My hope is that through this post the list of identities you crave will dramatically change.
Our sense of identity will determine so much about our lives. It determines if we feel a sense of belonging or a sense of loneliness. A sense of purpose or a sense of uselessness. A sense of hope or a sense of despair. Who we think we are determines so much and it is vital that as Christian women we have a Christ centered, biblical perspective of our identity.

(2 Cor. 5:17) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

(1 Peter 2:9) "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 

( Gal. 2:20) "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

So just looking at those 3 verses alone I was able to gather 9 ways that God identifies us as believers.  I have 9 blanks for you on your insert to fill in.

He says we are

#1. A new creation
#2. Chosen
#3. Royalty
#4. Holy
#5. His own possession
#6. Called out of darkness
#7. Crucified with Christ
#8. Living by faith
#9. Loved

Look over that short list. It should make us all very thankful! Looking over those nine identities should bring us all a sense of joy and gratitude for who God says we truly are in Him! If you are in Christ, these are just some of the marvelous ways God describes you. 

The world on the other hand, wants to rob us of these beautiful descriptions! The world wants to give us counterfeit identities that make us feel important at first but then later only leave us more unsatisfied and longing for more. In other words, the world and your enemy want to practice identity theft on you. Let me read this secular description of identity theft: “identity theft is the deliberate use of someone else's identity, usually as a method to gain a financial advantage or other benefits in the other person's name. The person whose identity has been assumed may suffer adverse consequences. Identity theft occurs when someone uses another's personally identifying information without their permission.”

Now let's look at this from a spiritual perspective: Spiritual identity theft is the deliberate use of a Christian’s identity to zap them of all joy and peace that they are supposed to have in Christ. This causes great pain and confusion in the Christian’s life. They wander around often unaware that their identity has even been stolen and unaware that in fact they often gave it away. Spiritual identity theft is all too common in a Christian woman’s life.
I have provided for you six warnings, that if you heed them, they will help you to fight against spiritual identity theft. Warning number 1: Don’t let your past take your identity. So many Christian women feel bound to their past. They play the same records over and over again. “I was abused. I was a child of a drunk. I was the daughter of a single mom. I had an abortion. I did drugs.” Whatever their pasts are they meditate on them and are unable to move past them because in a sense they are claiming their pasts as their identity rather than who Christ says they are. They are allowing their past to commit identity theft. Picture a butterfly flying around and all day it’s sad because it USED to be a caterpillar. Everyday his little butterfly friends are telling him: “Yeah, but you’re not a caterpillar anymore! We’ve been changed! We’re new creations now! We are something completely different. Rejoice! that old has gone behold the new has come!” And then imagine he ignores his friends and continues to mope around not experiencing the joy he is meant to have as a butterfly because he repeats over and over, “I used to be a caterpillar. I used to be a caterpillar. It was so terrible when I was a caterpillar.” Now wouldn’t you feel sorry for that butterfly? Wouldn’t you think what in the world butterfly?! get it through your head! You’re not a caterpillar anymore! In fact you are something totally new and different.” Now I know that is a super cheesy analogy but I like it anyway. Too many of us are butterflies mourning over the caterpillar that we once were. Many of us who God declares are new creations are spending our whole life moping and mourning because of what we WERE or because of what WAS. If our identity in Christ were based on our pasts we would all have some lame identities. But praise God! Our identity in Christ is based on Him and not our pasts. Your identity in Christ is based on Him and not you. The same goes for His love for you. His love for you is never based on you. His love for you is based on who you are IN HIM. His love for you is based on what He accomplished not on what you accomplished or are accomplishing. If you struggle with letting your past become your identity I would recommend 2 Cor. 5:17 become one of your memory verses that you can say outloud and use to help take your thoughts captive, reminding yourself that it doesn’t matter who you say you are, it matters who your Creator says you are, and He says, if you are in Him you are a new creation.

Warning number 2: Don’t let your weaknesses steal your identity. Ok, but you don’t really know me Katie. I sure don’t feel like a new creation. I hate myself. I hate my weaknesses. My struggles. I never change. Does that sound familiar? We all hate our struggles and weaknesses. Turn with me to 2 Cor. 12:7. We will read through verse 10.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Let’s break this down a bit. Verse 7 says: "To keep me from becoming conceited.” Believe it or not we are all capable of becoming conceited. Praise God for our weaknesses because they remind us we have nothing to be conceited about. Praise God that He knew we would become so puffed up with ourselves if we did not have weaknesses or struggles to remind us of how fragile and helpless we really are! This is why Paul can say he will boast all the more gladly in his weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon him instead of the power of Paul. We all need the power of Christ to rest upon us, not the power of self.

Imagine you had no weaknesses or struggles. Your power would be found in yourself. Instead of letting your struggles and weaknesses become your identity, make them propel you into worship of Christ. Recognize that they are able to turn you away from yourself and toward Him. Never let your weaknesses do the opposite and turn you away from Christ while focusing on yourself. You are not defined by your weaknesses and struggles. They are simply there to remind you that when you are weak you are strong because your weaknesses force you to draw from His strength.

I will close this warning with a quote from the gospel coalition: “The bedrock of our rejoicing isn’t the goodness of our day, but the goodness of our God. It’s him strengthening me that allows me to abound. Not me being strong enough to no longer need him.”  Warning number 3: Don’t let your strengths take your identity. This one is tricky isn’t it? What are you praised for in your life? Your weaknesses? Do people go on and on about how much you gossip or how much you interrupt and never stop talking or what a glutton you are or your anger problem. No. People praise you about your strengths. This makes it very easy unfortunately to have our strengths become our identity. This makes it very easy to cling to our strengths and make them our all and all. Whatever strengths you have they are strictly there to glorify Him and not you. Remember when I read from 1 Peter 2: 9 “ a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him”? Looks like our strengths don’t even belong to us. Looks like they’re His. Looks like they are only there to help proclaim His excellencies, not ours.

Whatever strengths you do have they are meant to build up His reputation and not yours. Don’t let your strengths steal your identity. Instead remind yourself that you are not your own possession and your strengths are meant to point others to Him and not you.
Warning number 4: Don’t let comparison steal your identity. Comparison is often the thief of joy isn’t it? I do want to say at the onset of this lesson though that sometimes I think comparison can actually be used to push us in the right direction and not the wrong direction. I don’t think it is ALWAYS a bad thing. Let me explain, there have been some very godly women I have compared myself to and it has pushed me toward Christ and away from myself. It has actually increased my security in my identity in Christ. It has compelled me to want to be more like them because it seems they have a better grasp on who they are in Christ than I do. That form of comparison though is not what I am warning you against.

Comparison in most womens’ lives destroys their identity. God has a specific plan and purpose for YOUR LIFE that looks different from His plan for others’ lives.

One of my heros of the faith is Joni Earekson Tada. That woman has chosen to not compare her life to others. Joni was in a diving accident as a teenager and has been paralyzed from the neck down ever since. She is 66 years old now. So for about 50 years I am sure this dear woman has had to battle the temptation of comparison. I am sure comparison has wanted to steal her identity numerous times. She has chosen HOWEVER to find her identity in Christ alone and thereby not worry about how God has chosen to plan other people’s lives. She doesn’t spend time comparing instead she spends time giving praise to her Maker.

Listen to these beautiful words from her. “The nice thing is God understands the art of pruning. In John 15:2 it says that the Lord "cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will bear even more fruit.” Sometimes God seems merciless with His pruning shears and, like Job, we often feel like the Lord's sharp shears have clipped our lives so close to the root that we don't see how anything could ever grow back. I should know this. I broke my neck when I was just a teenager and, believe me, dealing with quadriplegia at so young an age was very hard. God really clipped my life close to the root. But God's purpose in pruning us back couldn't be more virtuous, more noble, for if we are bearing fruit in His kingdom, He'll prune us so that we can be even more fruitful. God is an expert with His shears and He is looking for believers who are happy to yield to the cutting edge of those clippers, and when you do, hope returns. New life pokes up from the stump and joy reappears.”

Praise God for this woman’s submissive heart to Him and His pruning. We cannot be living in the detrimental practice of comparison and submitted to God at the same time. We can’t be so consumed with how the Lord chooses to prune or not prune others’ lives and have confidence in His plans for our lives. We cannot be submitted to His pruning and whining that we don’t have what others have. When we choose to avoid comparing our lot with the lot that God has given others we will find the vibrant confidence Joni speaks of. Our identity in Christ can never be found if we are living a life filled with comparison. Warning number 5: Don’t let YOUR plans for your life steal your identity: We all have BIG plans for ourselves don’t we? In five years my life will look like…. Fill in the blank. In 20 years I will be….. When I get married to the love my life we will have this many kids and live on property and grow our own food and have no debt and NEVER fight and my husband and I will partner together to train up our children in the way they should go and they will DEFINITELY go that way and everyone will talk well of us and want to be us and…

OH. MY!! But we do this. We wrap our identity up in this make believe world we have created for ourselves or this world we think we so justly deserve and then when God doesn’t deliver we are very disappointed and often angry. We have all these dreams and plans and forget that His plan is probably WAAAAAY different.

Do you think Joni had a different plan for her life?

Turn with me to Luke Chapter 1 starting in verse 38 we read Mary’s response to the angel when he tells her that she will be a pregnant virgin. “Then Mary said. Um no sorry Gabe, that’s definitely not in my plans. Do you have any idea what that means for me? Joseph and I aren’t even married yet! This is going to ruin my reputation and his and forever change my plans for my life! Thanks but no thanks.” No that’s not what she said. She said: “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.”

Now let me ask you, do you think Mary was ready for this? Do you think it was ever in her plans or dreams to become a pregnant virgin and be mocked and ridiculed by many? Do you think she maybe had other plans for her and Joseph? Do you think she was afraid? And yet, look at her response how does she refer to herself?: “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” I love how the NLT puts it: ““I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” THIS is the response we should have to our Lord when He takes OUR plans for our lives and changes them… even dramatically… Mary’s identity never changed, she always saw herself as a maidservant of the Lord. She knew she was not her own. She understood her identity.

Is that your identity? Do you identify yourself as His maidservant ready to do His will? When we find our identity in Him rather than in all our dreams and plans and the way we THINK things should be we will truly find our identity in Christ AND we will live a life filled with joy and thanksgiving rather than bitterness and ingratitude.

Here is a wonderful quote by John Piper: “Occasionally weep deeply over the life you had hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” I particularly love that last part! Embrace the life you have!

Too many of us are having an identity crisis because we spend so much time trying to identify with a life that isn’t ours… that we may have hoped for but that isn’t reality… embrace reality. Be like Joni Earkson Tada. Or Helen Keller who was born with the ability to see and hear and at 19 months old, she contracted an illness and it left her both deaf and blind. She lived a lovely life not consumed with how she wished her life would be and here is one of my favorite quotes of hers: “So much has been given to me, I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.” Are you doing that? Are you so wrapped up in what has been give to you that you have no time to ponder what has been denied? Don’t let YOUR plans for your life steal your identity. Embrace His plans. Embrace the life you have.

Warning number 6: Don’t let your emotions take your identity. This is definitely one I think we can all relate to. Our emotions and feelings often have way too much sway over who we think we are. We let our feelings determine our identity instead the Word of God determining our identity. Listen to this quote by DG Hart: We should understand that the subjective depends on the objective. Right emotions depend on, and derive from, sound doctrine.” Right emotions depend on and derive from sound doctrine. If you know who you are in Christ, if your doctrine is correct on your identity you can use it to influence and direct your feelings and emotions rather than having your identity rest on how you are feeling. Here’s what some may struggle with though in regards to this. Many of you have been Christians for a long time. You have known you are loved, holy, chosen, called out of darkness, a new creation but rather than having those truths run your life you let emotions run your life. Rather than taking that head knowledge and living out daily as truth you store it away and say “yeah, I know all of that.” But you don’t. Your life proves you don’t really know that.  

When our feelings determine who we are we are sure to find ourselves in a mess. We are sure to have a wrong view of our identity in Christ. Elisabeth Elliot said: “We float on feelings that will carry us where we were never meant to go; we bubble with emotional experiences that we often take for spiritual ones; and we are puffed up with pride. Instead of seriousness, there is foolishness. Instead of gravity, flippancy. Sentimentality takes the place of theology. Our reference point will never serve to keep our feet on solid rock, for our reference point, until we answer God’s call, is merely ourselves.”

Don’t let your emotions be your reference point. Don’t let them steal your identity. One of my favorite little sermon clips on youtube is of a wonderful preacher named Allistair Begg. He shared how he went to a different church on vacation one time and when the worship leader got up before the church he shouted: “How do you FEEL?!” Allistair said to himself: “How do I feel?! I feel crummy! Don’t ask me that question! Ask me what I know! Ask me what I know about God! Ask me what I know about His Word!”

We must quit asking ourselves how we feel and start asking ourselves "what do I know?” This is why the Word of God is so paramount in our lives. Reading it daily and listening to it daily, will continue to strengthen your identity in Christ and diminish your identity in how you are feeling.

The enemy wants to commit identity theft on you and have it wrapped up in your past, your weaknesses, your strengths, your propensity to compare, the big plans you have your life and your emotions. But God wants your identity wrapped up in who He says you are.

Jen Wilkin said: “We are what we behold.” Do you believe that? If you behold His Word daily, not just in reading but in your heart and mind, you will become more of what it describes you to be. If however you behold the lies that circulate in this world through media or even the lies of your own thoughts and feelings, you will buy into those lies more and more. Behold your God. Behold who He says you are. Don’t look at your circumstances. Stop looking at what you wish would have been or what might be. Stop looking at others. Stop looking at how strong you are or how weak you are. Stop looking at your past and how you are feeling. Look at Him. Behold Him. Remember who He is. He is the Alpha and OMega. The King of kings. He is your Creator. The Almighty One who will never leave you or forsake you. He is the Author of life and Sovereign over all things. He is good. All knowing. He is love. It is in this God that you are to find your true identity.

Hebrews 12:1-2 “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, llooking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Look to Him. Read His Word to find out who He is and you will find out who you really are.

My Second Homebirth

I did it again. I can't believe it. Up to the last week before I had my second homebirth I was contemplating how great it would be to get an epidural... My little loves due date came and went. November 30th my baby was due and I kept saying: "plan for December 6th". Well, guess what? My little baby girl, Chloe Marie, was born on December 6th at 12:05 a.m.!

It was a Friday. My day began with story time at the library. Me, my sister and her kids and my four littles walked over to the library across the street at 10 a.m. and participated in story time/craft time. On the walk home with my sister I said: "Man, sorry I'm walking so slow these contractions are holding me up." They didn't feel like "real labor" contractions... but they were enough to make me want to walk slow.

The rest of daylight was pretty uneventful. Minor contractions when I moved around a lot, but nothing consistent....UNTIL about 5 p.m. I was making the kids some food and pausing for contractions. I told Scott: "Hmmm, these ones feel different..." His excited response: "Well, is it the real deal?!" Me: "Nah, I doubt it." He went to the gym. I texted him and said: "I think we are going to have to cancel dinner with that family...I might go into labor tonight!" He wrote them and they were understanding :)

At about 6 p.m. I called my inlaws and asked them to take the kids. I was starting to think "tonight's the night" but still afraid to completely admit it. Scott took the kids to his parents house and I vacuumed :)

At about 8 p.m. I still "wasn't sure"... why do I do that?! I just don't want to get my hopes up I guess.

I started singing during my contractions (something I used to make fun of). Here is a video of me singing to my sweet Chloe out of the womb the same song I sang to her during labor. The verse of this song was perfect because it takes about 45 seconds to sing and that's how long my contractions were and besides that I love that song, it ALWAYS ministers to me.

Scott would come in and be like: "This is it right?!" Finally, around 9 p.m., I said "Yep! My water just broke!" At the peak of one of my contractions I felt this crazy POP and my water broke. I texted my midwives and let them know and told them I would text them when things got crazy... but they decided to come anyway (and I'm glad they did!). They arrived at about 9:30 p.m.

Daddy got to hold her right after they cut the cord.

a picture of me holding Chloe moments after birth.

First picture of all five children together.

I continued to sing through contractions and labored in my bed in the dark. It was peaceful. At about 10:30 p.m. I decided it was time to get in the tub (which is code for: "I can't handle these contractions anymore without the warm water!"). I got in and felt immediate relief. In my first homebirth with Charis I didn't say one word to my midwives the whole labor... I think because I was in such shock with how terrible it was... it was my first full natural birth (I labored 12 hours with Rhea with no epidural but the labor overall was 18 hours). With Chloe's birth though I knew what I was in for and I talked to my midwives in between contractions asking: "What do I need to do to get this going faster?" They told me the more that I got out and walked around the better. They also told me to sit on the toilet backwards and rest my head on a pillow on the back of the toilet...ay-yi-yi... ouchie...hurt...pain... you get the point. Those contractions threw me into throwing up mode and made my whole body shake. Not fun, but they made things go faster. Mission accomplished.

At about 11:45 p.m. I was ready to start pushing. I expected it to go EXACTLY like it did with Charis (Don't do that with birth... ever, ever, ever...just like children, each one is unique and different). It felt like I was pushing against a brick wall... like something was blocking her... the midwives thought maybe her arm was positioned above her head... not sure. It was WAY more painful than my pushing was with Charis. My midwives were champs and helped me all along the way and little Chloe bug entered the world at 12:05 a.m. on December 6th! She actually came out and didn't breathe for a bit so one of my midwives did mouth to mouth on her a couple of times and she perked right up. One of my very favorite things about homebirth is the lack of chaos... the calm... the flow... I have a feeling if I were in the hospital there would have been major panic.

I got to hold her for quite a while (lost track of time) until they cut the cord (another thing I love about homebirth is how long they leave the cord attached!). Afterwards I got to get in my own shower and go to my bedroom where they weighed and measured her (8 lbs 12oz, 20 in.) and I got to go to bed IN MY OWN BED!

Birth isn't fun. But since it is inevitable when having a baby I will choose to have them at home :)

My First THM Pregnancy

I have some pretty difficult pregnancies because I struggle with what is called hyperemesis which is a fancy word for terrible, all day, "morning" sickness. With my first three I was so sick I was hospitalized with ivs because I was throwing up, on average,  12 times a day. Because of this we decided to stop at three... and then we reversed our decision and I was filled with anxiety and excitement when I got pregnant.

My pregnancies are manageable through two things: zofran (a chemo patient drug that helps chemo patients with nausea) and FOOD. I eat up to three bananas a night throughout the night to fight off nausea and I have to eat with my eyes closed and no movement to keep myself from throwing up. I have to lay in bed eating until I feel the nausea has subsided enough that I won't start throwing up and then I make my way to the recliner where I spend the next few hours eating and waiting. I am not usually able to move until about noon. My days, for the first 20 weeks or so, consist of constant eating and laying around which is a perfect combo for gaining lots of weight fast.

With my first "reversal pregnancy" I gained 60 pounds, which was average for me. I lost it all before getting pregnant again but I was still overweight. I started my second reversal pregnancy at the same starting weight that I had started my first reversal pregnancy. I wanted to try out Trim Healthy Mama (THM) but I was finding it nearly impossible to keep anything down except bananas and other simple carbs. I gained 20 pounds in five weeks and was pretty discouraged. As my nausea subsided, around 20 weeks, I began to incorporate THM snacks and meals into my diet. It started getting easier as time went on and by 30 weeks I was doing mostly THM with a few crossovers a day (like combining 2% greek yogurt with cottage cheese and berries and not keeping track of the fat, protein and carb count or like having an apple with peanut butter or bananas as needed for nausea). Even with all those crossovers I only gained 10 pounds the rest of the time!!! I can't believe it! THM helped to cut my weight gain in half! I am 3 days past my due date and I have gained 30 pounds total! Hopefully this encourages those of you who are like me and can't stomach much meat/high protein meals during those highly nauseating months. You can just start a THM lifestyle when possible and still fin dit helps a lot!

I am so looking forward to continuing THM afterwards and hopefully getting well below my pre-pregnancy weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was still about 50 lbs overweight... so I have a ways to go.

I should also mention that for the last three months of my pregnancy I have been doing 30 minutes of moderate cardio (on our elliptical machine) 4-5 times a week. 

Some of my favorite/go-to THM meals and snacks are:

Snacks:
*slice of turkey wrapped around a piece of string cheese (fp).
*romaine lettuce leaf with a smidge of ranch and slice of turkery wrapped up. (fp).
*chocolate peanut butter squares-taste kind of like butterfingers. (s)
*Different variations of MIMs (muffin in a mug). (s)

Dinner:
*Chicken breast-that I cook at low heat (300 degrees) with chunks of onion, garlic salt, drizzled with olive oil and after cooked I top with a low carb marinara sauce and thick sliced Parmesan cheese. (s)
*Salad with bacon, chicken, parmasan, a few tomatoes, and "guacomole ranch". (s)
*The pizza made with cauliflower crust. (s)
*Broccoli and cauliflower au gratin. (s)
*Chocolate peanut butter "frosty". I put almond milk in my ice cube trays. I use about 6 or 7 almond cubes, a cup of almond milk, a tablespoon of dark unsweetened cocoa, 2 tbsp of chia seed, stevia to taste, a scoop of protein powder, a 1/4-1/2 cup of cottage cheese, 1 tbsp all natural pb, cinnamon and a 1/2 tsp of gluco. (s)
*Salmon with a side of sauteed cabbage and/or zucchini. (s)

Lunch:
*usually the same as my dinner meals. Although I often have eggs and bacon :) Yes... I am too heavy on the s meals and working on liking the e meals more... just like everyone else :)

Here is a picture of me at 38 weeks pregnant.

Breakfast:
*Peanut butter oatmeal (this is one of my crossovers) with almond milk. You can use PB2 though and have it be an E meal. Click here to see where I get mine.
*Almost every morning I have 1/2 cup fat free of greek yogurt with 1/2 cup cottage cheese,  2 tbsp of slim belly jelly (recipe in book) and 1/2 cup raspberries.
*Pancakes! (with pb or sugar free syrup)

Dessert:
*The skinny chocolate pb bars I mentioned earlier. (s)
*different variations of low carb cheesecake. (s) 
*Variations of the chocolate shake I make sometimes for a meal. (s)

Now I know that sounds way simple... and pretty boring, but I like it that way. I do eat some other things but these are the most common things that I eat. I am not one who has to have a lot of different meal options, but when I do desire something new there are PLENTY of recipes online! If you need a place for recipe ideas check this out!

Seven Thoughts After Seven Years

Scott and I have been married seven years (as of yesterday)! What a joy it has been! He is my strong leader. The one who makes me laugh and laugh! He enjoys our kids immensely. He enjoys just sitting and visiting with me. He is a great bible teacher and we thrive on doing ministry together.

I have been pondering marriage a lot the last couple days and wanted to share seven thoughts I have after seven years:

1. Adapting to my husband makes him and me happier. I am seeing with each passing year the benefit of adapting to Scott. I am also seeing the detrimental affects of not adapting to him and pushing my own agenda. As I adapt to Scott's vision for our family and home I find there is less and less strife. No husband is going to have the exact same agenda as his wife in all things and we must submit to them as unto the Lord, ultimately doing it for God and leaving the results up to Him.  I am a lot happier when I walk in my God ordained boundaries. Scott leading and me following works best because it's God's best.

"Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.” (Eph. 5:22, amplified)

2. Nagging isn't good. It's bad. Real bad. Not sure when you are nagging? Give your husband the freedom to tell you when he thinks you are. :) For me it is best to present my side and drop it. (Lord knows I need to improve in this area!)

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (prov. 25:24)

"It is not the nagging, but the behavior, that shows Christ in a life. The quiet winsomeness of a wife speaks eloquently of Jesus Christ." Jay E. Adams

"A gracious wife satisfieth a good husband, and silenceth a bad one." George Swinnock

 

3. Our children are watching us. As Rhea is getting older and understanding more I am sobered. Big time. She is watching. So is Ricky... and Johnny... and soon to be Charis as well. Our children are learning from us every moment they are around us. Rhea is learning from me about how to be a mom and a wife. Am I a joyful mom? Do I whine and complain about my house-wife duties? Or do I do them promptly and with thankfulness? How am I treating my husband? With respect? With love? Kids notice these things. They are constantly, sometimes sub-consciously, taking mental notes that are shaping who they will be as spouses and parents some day. Generations will reap what we sow.

4. Marriage is a GIFT from the Lord! The more I concentrate on his strengths the more I see what a gift he is! So many of us focus on our husband's flaws (which they all have... which WE all have). what fun is that?! That never gets me ANYwhere. Marriage can be such a gift or such a burden. The more we as wives seek to honor our husbands the more we will be blessed and enjoy marriage. The more we resist our man and push our way the more of a burden marriage will be. It's our choice. I have met some women out there married to JERKS! LOSERS! and yet, by God's grace and their desire to please Him they are living happy, fulfilled lives! I have also met some women married to hardworking, kind men and they are miserable. It's all about our focus. Our hope is to always be in God. Our identity is in Him, not our husbands.

5. I am much happier when I accept my husband for who he is! Don't try and force your husband to be someone he isn't! My favorite "wife verses": "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2). Reminds me of the Jay Adams quote from earlier. No man is perfect in all ways except our Savior. Be thankful for the man you got! Praise him for his strengths and ignore his weaknesses.

6. Marriage is good for lots of things, like showing me what a selfish/self-righteous person I am. Unfortunately marriage has brought out the worst in me at times... I have done and said some pretty ugly things. All my ugliness, however, brings me closer to Jesus, makes me more thankful for His sacrifice and makes me more dependent on Him... that's always a good thing. Marriage is best when I put Scott's interests before my own. Marriage is not about me (although it does bless me!) It is about Him! It is for Him! It is a representation of Him and His bride!

7. Lastly, marriage doesn't last. It is temporary. In heaven we will no longer have the marriage relationship we have now (Matt. 22:30). Don't take your focus off the Lord! Your relationship with Him WILL last forever. Pour into that relationship the most and all your earthly relationships, including marriage, will be better. He makes all things better.

The God Who Sees You

"Sarah mistreated Hagar; so she (Hagar) fled from her (Sarah). The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert...And He said, “Hagar, slave of Sarah, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarah,” she answered. Then the angel of the Lord told her:...“You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery. She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

No one seemed to care about Hagar, no one but El Roi. El Roi is the Hebrew name Hagar gave God. It means, “You are the God who sees me.” Isn’t that beautiful?! I never tire of reading that…. "You are the God who sees me”.

A godly mother KNOWS the God who sees her. She recognizes He is always near. A worldly mother is only seen by God. She knows ABOUT Him but in her mind He is very far away.

He is the God who sees you! He sees it all. He sees you as much as if there were nobody else in the world for him to look at. Just as God saw Hagar He sees you. And if He can see you, surely he can hear you. This is why it is so perfect that Ishmael’s name means: God hears! She called on the Lord and named Him El Roi, "the God who sees me" and and she named her son: Ishmael which means "God Hears". Hagar knew her God as a God who sees her and hears her and we should too. Sometimes you may feel like Hagar. Cast out. Wanting to flee. Tired of submitting. But please recognize that you serve a God who sees you in your suffering and He is for you and will bless you for your obedience to Him.

Please remember also that God does not merely note your actions and He does not simply notice what is the appearance of your countenance like people do; He sees what you are thinking of; He looks within. God has a window into your heart. This should sober us and encourage us at the same time.

R. C. Sproul said: "There are many things in my life that I do not want to put under the gaze of Christ. Yet I know there is nothing hidden from Him. It would be one thing for Him to love us if we could fool Him into thinking that we were better than we actually are. But He knows better. He knows all there is to know about us, including those things that could destroy our reputation. He is aware of every skeleton in every closet. And He loves us."

He sees it all! Not just the big things but the small. Sometimes it feels like my day is filled with just “small things”. Changing diapers, wiping down counters, making pb&js, wiping snotty noses, breaking up squabbles, washing dishes, shopping, holding a fussy kid ...and then I start over again the next day.


God instructs us to not despise the days of small things in the book of Zechariah. He was a prophet and during his time there was a man named Zerubbabel. He had the responsibility to finish the work of rebuilding the temple. Things had been stalled, and Zerubbabel needed encouragement to carry on the work. Just like we often need encouragement to carry on our work. Zech. 4:6 says: “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.” Isn't that encouraging? The Lord would say the same thing to us as moms. It is by His Spirit that we are able to lay a foundation day in and out for our children even though at times it may feel like our work has stalled...or is not going as planned…or it is exhausting us emotionally and physically. It is not by our power or might that we can finish this great work. It is through our relationship with God and our utter dependence on Him that we can lay a foundation for our children.

Later on in chapter 4 vs. 10 it says: "Moreover the word of the Lord came to me, saying: 'The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this temple; his hands shall also finish it...For who has despised the day of small things?'" 


Just like Zerubbabel we are laying a foundation that our hands must finish. Day in and day out we pile small things on top of small things making a big thing. We may not be building an actual temple for the Lord but hopefully our homes are serving as a sort of temple for Him to dwell in. We are building and pouring into our children's lives for Him everyday.

 
David Guzik said: "When Satan tempts us to despise the day of small things, he shines as an outstanding liar because he fears the day of small things in our life because he sees what great things God does in them and brings out of them."

Our days are filled with small things moms! Do not despise them. They are laying a foundation for our children that remains for life.

Keep in the forefront of your mind that you are serving a God who sees you. He sees when you wash the dishes for the umpteenth time, or serve your husband when you would rather not, or patiently endure another day of sibling rivalries.

A few months back my friend Kandie sent me a great video that relates to what I am talking about perfectly. I wanted to share it with you all!

Watch it here!

You may feel invisible. But to Him you are very visible.

In closing I would like to share some encouraging words from author Sally Clark. She said: 

“It is not the grand, noble accomplishments that are the most profoundly valuable to God. It is the unnoticed, the invisible practicing of being faithful, courageous when no one else is looking, that become the jewels of our faith in the eyes of God.

Accepting a loud, boisterous child and seeking to be patient and gentle over and over again...Working beyond exhaustion and getting up in the middle of the night, again, for a sick child, when there was no one to help or anyone to be a friend. Enduring by choice the heavy burdens of the tests of marriage.

Cleaning up messes one more time. Making another homemade meal when a nap or getting far away seemed more desirable. Having one more devotional in the midst of wiggly, distracted children and believing that somehow eternity was entering their hearts. These, and more, are the noble and valiant, priceless works of motherhood. Take courage today. Your labor is not in vain.” 

You are serving a God who sees you.