Babywise=Child Centered Home

 I remember when I was considering babywise/intense scheduling for my first child. I heard from some: "If you don't put your baby on a schedule then you will have a child-centered home". The pressure seemed immense. I didn't want a child centered home! I loved this woman's response to why this is wrong thinking. (p.s. you can read my complete story on why I am no longer babywise here)

"Back in the 1990’s when I was having most of my babies, I felt tremendous pressure to follow a popular infant feeding approach, where the mother  scheduled and controlled the baby’s feeding times, sleeping times, play times, etc. throughout the day and forced baby to sleep through the night from an early age.  It was promoted strongly in my homeschooling circles as the only way to have a godly home, since the alternative would create a child-centered home.  Finally I gave into the pressure and gave this approach a try. The result?  It depleted not only my milk supply, but my confidence as a mother and my joy!  In addition, I discovered that instead of avoiding a child-centered home, I created one!  It seemed the whole day had to revolve around baby’s schedule and whether baby was supposed to be playing or sleeping or eating!  We couldn’t just enjoy the baby – we had to check the book for what baby should be doing next.  If baby fell asleep at the breast, we even had to wake the baby!  Ridiculous!  The best thing I ever did was throw that book in the trash, tuck baby into our daily schedule, and get back to mothering from the heart!" 

You can read the rest of Elizabeth's blog post here. 

To be honest, I think both sides are "child-centered" in some way... or should I say, "baby-centered"? :) 

Who do you know that has a brand new little baby that doesn't have their lives revovling around them in some way?  

Charis turned one in February, I noticed a change in my relationship with her and now that she is 16 months I see even more changes. I am moving away from "babying her" and toward disciplining/training her. She is understanding more and more and I am able to communicate more with her. This marks the transition from babyhood to toddlerhood. I feel like some who are stuck on intense scheduling find the baby stage too inconvienent and so they force their little baby to go into toddler mode before their ready/able. 

p.s. I don't care if you do babywise. I don't like to do it anymore and you shouldn't care what I like to do either :) My hope is that I am supporting those moms who felt the pressure to do babywise or be bad. My hope is to give them the encouragement they need to do what brings them the most joy and confidence in their mothering journey. 

Even if...

What is one of your biggest fears? What do you think could be the "worst thing ever". As women, I think we are given to fear more than men, especially when it comes to our children. Those are where my worst fears are... with my children... What if...



We all have those "what ifs"... the question is do we have our "even ifs" to go with our "what ifs"? That's the important thing. We will all have our "what ifs" but if we don't have our "even ifs" to go with them then we will certainly crumble under the fear. 


I was so blessed today when I read Kay Warren's "even if". (Kay is Rick Warren's wife) I pray it blesses, encourages and challenges you like it did me!

"On July 18, 1985, I gave birth to our beloved gift of God, Matthew David Warren. Holding him in my arms that morning, I had no idea how dark the journey would get for him - and for those who love him. All I knew that bright morning was that I was madly in love with him, and could see nothing ahead but a mother's dreams of a good life for her son.

My pregnancy had been extremely difficult and included three months of TOTAL bed rest (not even able to get up to use the bathroom) due to a severe allergic reaction that temporarily crippled me and caused tremendous physical pain and discomfort. The doctors reassured me that I and the baby would be fine - but how could I be sure? What if the baby wasn't alright? What if I wasn't alright?

I remember Easter 1985 - I was sick in bed, unable to go to church. Rick took the kids to church and I stayed by myself for a few hours - the TV remote by my side as my only companion. Somehow I dropped the remote and couldn't retrieve it - so there I was, alone on one of the most joyous holidays, with not even a TV preacher to keep me company, full of anxiety and fear for myself and my unborn child. I painfully reached for my Bible and it fell open to Habakkuk 3: 17-19 (NIV):"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to go on the heights."

This was a word from the Lord to me - and I determined that even IF my worst nightmares came true - if my baby died, or I never walked again - that I would trust in God my Savior; I would rejoice in the Sovereign Lord.

Matthew David Warren was born and everything seemed fine. But by his first birthday, we began to wonder. And by his second and third birthdays, we knew he wasn't like his older sister and brother. As time unfolded, so did his struggles and I couldn't help but feel that my challenging pregnancy had negatively affected his developing brain and nervous system.
 
When he took his life last year - after battling and fighting so hard for decades - a friend sent me Habakkuh 3:17-19 in a sympathy card. She had no idea this passage was incredibly significant to me, but it was a fitting "bookend" to his life. Because I had feared for years that he would take his life....it became his greatest pursuit and my deepest anguish.....I had to come to the point in which I said as I had 27 years before - "EVEN IF my worst nightmare comes true and he takes his life, I WILL rejoice in the Lord; I will be joyful in God my Savior."

So today - his 29th birthday - through weeping - I shout it to the watching universe: I will rejoice in Lord; I will be joyful in God my Savior. My heart remains wounded and battered, but my faith is steady."

Struggle #1-Clutter!

I did a "ladies' day in May" at my home on Saturday. It was a blessing to sit with sisters in Christ and talk about 5 common struggles women face. I wanted to share with you all what we talked about!

Struggle number one: Clutter.

 

Definition: to fill or liter things in a disorderly manner. (but I have also had too many things in an orderly manner that I would still consider clutter :) 

Many women struggle with stuff. Too much stuff. "Gotta have more" syndrome! Clutter=stress and mess. Get rid of it and find freedom and joy! :) 

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Author: Susan Verstraete writes:

A friend of mine lost nearly everything she owned in a house fire. About a year later, I asked her about what she had learned through that trial. Looking back, she was surprised to remember all the people who expressed envy. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” they said, “but I really wish this would happen to me.” 

What were they thinking? That the clutter in their homes was out of control, and the only way to be free involved the fire department.

I can relate. My husband and I have reached the point in our lives where having fewer possessions is an attractive goal. Clutter causes us stress. I can’t protect my husband from workplace frustration or my son from traffic or either of them from a thousand other irritations in life, but I can get rid of excess clutter and organize my home so that they can find the scissors and the tape on the first try.

Still, though, I am often snared by the promise of a better life through consumerism. We never have a shortage of items to purge during my annual sweep through our home. How else can I explain accumulating three drip coffee makers and a coffee press? 

Here’s what I preach to myself as I’m combing the house for items to give away: 

1.  Jesus said that life does not consist in the abundance of possessions. Luke 12:15

2.  Spiritual life can be choked out by clutter, which is part of "the cares and riches of this life." Luke 8:14

3.  God is pleased when we give things away cheerfully.  2 Cor. 9:7

4. Sharing our excess goods is one way to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Luke 3:11

5.  One of God’s names is Jehova Jira – God who provides. If we give away something and end up needing it later, we can trust God to provide. Phil. 4:19 

6.  Giving to those in need stores riches for us in Heaven, and is an expression of love for the church. Luke 12:33

7.  Sharing what we have pleases God. Hebrews 13:16 

8.  Everything we own has been given to us by God. We are only stewards of our stuff. Psalm 24:1

9.  God is not a God of confusion, but of order (think about how this is exemplified in creation). An orderly home reflects God's character. Genesis 1

10.Hoarding goods "just in case" can be a way of trusting my stuff to keep me safe instead of my God. Psalm 31:6 

Sometimes it helps to remember that one day I will be called to give up everything. No physical item will go with me to Heaven. There's nothing I own that I need to be perfectly happy and at peace with God.

How about you? Do you struggle with clutter? Pray and ask the Lord what He would have you give away and receive the blessing of a less cluttered life! If it's not beautiful, necessary or useful then get rid of it!

Borrowed Post: What Does A Stay at Home Mom do All day?

Can be found at: generationcedar.com

• She studies to provide at least somewhat healthy, somewhat economical meals for her family. This can be a time-consuming job, but there are books written solely on the art of cooking and the incredible ministry found in entertaining your family and friends through the hospitality of the kitchen. Study it! (Another word about the ministry of hospitality soon!) Just in the area of health alone, America is experiencing an epidemic of illness, largely from consuming so much pre-packaged food, a choice usually necessary to maintain the over-booked lives we live.

• If the Lord has given her children, she pours herself into their training, nurturing and developing. Another full time job almost by itself. If not, there are a myriad of “mothering” and ministering opportunities sorely in need of a servant-minded woman.

• She helps her husband. This varies widely from home to home. But much like an administrative assistant, she can be a “crown to her husband” instead of forcing him to hire another woman for that role. This is where “the heart of her husband safely trusts her” as she runs a household and “he has no lack of gain”.

• She studies to keep her marriage happy. The dearth of happy marriages–of marriages at all–is staggering. Good marriages don’t just happen. If they aren’t tended, they’ll wilt.

• She studies to save money, to make her home a warm, inviting place, to treat minor illnesses, to repair things, to make things, to plant things, to be busy with her hands. Books are written–there is no end to this art.

• She engages in meaningful conversation with her children. An often underrated, but vitally important job in their education–homeschooled or not.

• She “reaches”. (“She reaches her hand to the needy”. Proverbs 31) Whether this be the meeting of a physical need for the poor, or a need of a fellow believer, needs abound. Many needs could be met in the form of an encouraging card, phone call or visit. It’s just a suggestion, but maybe Prozac has largely filled our lack of availability to hurting women.

• She earns money. Home industries are easier than ever to begin. Saving money and making money are doable activities for the SAHM.

• She mentors other moms.

• She takes care of extended family members. Nursing homes are new

Mom's unplugged

I enjoyed a post on moms watching their time on the internet. One great idea she had was to set a timer. To read the post click here.