Friday, November 21, 2014
Are You Depriving Your Husband?
"For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Cor. 7:4-5)
When you got married you signed over your body to your husband. Yet another reason for you single ladies to be VERY PICKY about who you say "Till death do we part" to. When you said "I do" to your husband you were also saying: I give you authority over my body. Single ladies, be warned, who you marry will have authority over your body. This verse can be scary for some women no matter who they married. But regardless, you are called to satisfy your husband sexually.
The passage goes on to say: "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a LIMITED TIME, that you may devote yourselves to prayer...." Let's dissect that a bit. Notice the first part which pertains to the title of this post: "Do not deprive one another". More often than not, this is an issue for the man feeling deprived and not the woman (I do know of some cases personally where it's the other way around, but by and large men feel deprived more often than women). The bible COMMANDS US to not deprive our husbands "except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer." I have yet to see this lived out in my 8 years of ministry/marriage counseling. Usually it's just the wife depriving her husband because she doesn't want to give of herself to him sexually. I have not heard of a married couple coming to an "agreement for a limited time" so that they devote themselves to prayer. But those are God's instruction for choosing to not be sexually active with your spouse.
When we as wives choose to deprive our husbands sexually by telling them no or giving them the cold shoulder or another excuse, we are depriving them of a very really need and in so doing Satan tempts them because of a lack of self control! Our husbands will stand before God accountable for their actions but do you want to be the one that contributed to Satan tempting them?! When we deprive our husbands their lack of self control grows.
Think of it this way: "Just as your body tells you when you're hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband's body tells him when he needs a sexual release. Your husband's sexual desire is impacted by what's around him but it is also determined by biological factors, specifically the presence of testosterone in his body.
Immediately after sexual release, men are physically satisfied. But as their sexual clock ticks on, sexual thoughts become more prevalent, and they are more easily aroused. The physical need for sexual release intensifies as sperm builds up...
The best way for a woman to understand this dynamic is to relate it to another physiological need. If you've had a baby, you may relate to the experience of milk building up in your breasts a few days after giving birth. The buildup of breast milk becomes annoying (and even painful) until the milk is expressed." (a quote from Focus on the family)
When you turn your husband down time and time again you are depriving him of a very real, physical need. Married men should not have to tell themselves no because their wives are too selfish to give of themselves physically. We are setting our husbands up as bait for Satan to tempt in all sorts of ways when we deprive them.
If this post has convicted you because of your lack of response to your husband's needs (or because of your outright rebellion to these verses) please respond to that conviction and recognize that you no longer have full authority over your body. Your body is a gift to your husband. Don't deprive him of it any longer. Bless him in a way that only his wife can knowing full well that God is pleased with what you can give him!
Lastly, sexual issues can play a very significant part in the marriage relationship. Don't be ashamed! Seek out godly counsel. Contact your church and let them know you would like counsel if you are not sure how to deal with the different issues that are involved in your sexual relationship with your husband. There is nothing to be ashamed of. God created sex as a blessing for the marriage relationship!