Why Back To The Future Made Me Want More Kids

Who remembers the scene in Back to the Future when Marty McFly's siblings started disappearing out of a photo? (I couldn't find the actual scene but I did find someone showing the photo) I didn't realize when I first watched it as a kid what impact that scene would have on me as a grown adult/mommy.

After three very difficult, sick pregnancies Scott and I decided (mostly after me nagging him to death) that it would be best for us to stop having children and look into adoption instead. So a few short months after our third baby was born Scott had a vasectomy. 

A few months after the surgery this scene from Back to the Future popped into my mind... oh how I tried to forget it... but I couldn't... I just kept thinking of the children that were being erased out of our family photo because of our decision. 

Here's the good news: By God’s grace this decision was ‘reversible’ for us. Sadly for others, that hasn’t been the case. So after much prayer and support from our wonderful church, Scott went ahead and had a reversal! 

About 5 months later I found out we were pregnant again!!! We were both so joy-filled and yet I was also so scared. My pregnancies were terrible, even landing me in the hospital because of dehydration from constant puking. I was resolved though to trust God and research more on how to combat hyperemesis. 

I have had much success improving my pregnancies!!! We are now in the middle of my third reversal pregnancy. I can't believe we almost missed out on having our sweet Carebear (Charis), Chloebug (Chloe) and now little Noah. We almost missed out on three wonderful gifts and hopefully more to come!

Last night we received some wonderful family photos that we had taken about a week ago and I couldn't help but think back to that scene again in Back to the Future. Praise God Scott and I have our arms full (and my womb full) in this picture.

Fighting Hyperemesis for the Sixth Time

When I found out I was pregnant this time I must admit that I wasn't afraid because I thought I had found the answer to my extreme morning sickness issues: a low carb diet. I was so hopeful and excited! I had been doing it faithfully for about a month before I got pregnant and continued into my pregnancy. At 5 weeks I still had not thrown up or felt extreme nausea (just minor nausea if I hadn't eaten) and I was feeling pretty confident...but still afraid of that 6 week mark. That is usually when it hits pretty hardcore for me.

Lo and behold, I was 5 weeks and 6 days and sobbing in bed because it hit me like a tidal wave. I just laid there filled with disappointment and fear and sadness. All the old feelings came back from the previous five pregnancies.

Now don't get me wrong. My first three were by FAR worse. Throwing up so much I would throw up blood from my stomach lining. That hasn't happened the last three pregnancies. The part I am not sure of is: are my pregnancies improving because some women who struggle with hyperemesis get better with each pregnancy or because I am understanding hyperemesis more and more with each pregnancy? Not sure.

Here is my post from my last pregnancy on tips for morning sickness. I stand by each of those tips this time as well! I only take about 1/2-1 zofran pill a day. So that is super good. I broke the tiny pill up into quarters this time and I am so glad I did! I know there are many lawsuits out on zofran and I want to take the bare minimum.

So, guess what though?! This time, my sixth time fighting hyperemesis, I have only thrown up like 3 times and I am pretty sure that is because the stomach bug was going around our house at that time! Crazy. So what changed? Not much really. But I did one thing MORE that I think made a difference.

I rested a lot more. I STAYED IN BED EVERY MORNING UNTIL 9:30 OR 10:00. Sounds like such a simple thing but I truly believe it made all the difference. Here's the sad part. I fear that some of my hyperemesis friends don't have the luxury I have in being able to do this. My husband is able to go in later to work and just stay later at work. I have a 7 and 8 year old that are a BIG help. And I have inlaws close (about 3 doors up the street) that can help too! If you struggle with hyperemesis I HIGHLY recommend figuring something out where you can do this.

We did hire a couple young ladies from our church to come a couple mornings so that Scott could get to work. That may be an option for some of you. Do you know of a family with young ladies that could lend you a helping hand in the morning? I highly recommend having a plan BEFORE you get pregnant. Simplify your morning routine. Have your older kids understand how much life will change when you get pregnant. And stay in bed.

I would just lay there and Scott would bring me my peanut butter toast and I would suck on my apple sauce packets. Every night I fill three of these with no sugar added applesauce. I eat them through out the night when my nausea wakes me up and it's perfect because I don't have to move much to eat it... you just kind of suck it down. In the morning there is usually some left and I finish that while my husband gets me my toast. And then I lay there for 2-3 hours. I don't drink ANYTHING until after noon. Fluids make my nausea worse.

After I get out of bed I move to my recliner and "run the house" from there. With homeschooling with ACE curriculum I just assign my big kids 4 pages in each pace and then have them bring them to me when they are done to correct them. It's also good just sitting there because I am fully available for questions and teaching.

The worst of my nausea seems to be behind me already! I started feeling much better and noticing that I wasn't taking any zofran around 14 weeks. That is early for me and very exciting. Some days are better than others but I am seeing glimpses of normal. People just don't appreciate normal :)

Hyperemesis is debilitating and depressing but as my husband and I have yielded our family planning to God  I am learning to embrace it as a part of my life for a while. Some people get terribly sick and that's all they get. I get sick and get a wonderful new life added to our home. I have learned to appreciate the ability to move around and clean a house more than others who haven't experienced this form of suffering. I am thankful.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments. I find great joy in encouraging mamas with hyperemesis. 

Are Your Kids Doing Your Job Mama?

I have been sitting A LOT the last 7 weeks. My morning sickness started at about 6 weeks and I am 13 weeks now. It usually lets up around 17 weeks. I am so looking forward to being on my feet more and being about my normal day to day activities and chores! I hate sitting around like this. But I am thankful for something it has caused me to contemplate.

I am sure you have all heard the saying: "Good parenting is working yourself out of a job." While I get the gist of it, I don't like it overall. Here is why. It feels like I have been out of a job these last 7 weeks as I shout orders from my recliner. I feel like this lazy woman (I know, I'm not...but it FEELS that way) barking at my little servants to do... my job.

We SHOULD train our children. They SHOULD be helping us because they live at home too and should be contributing when it comes to it's upkeep. BUT I am noticing something that is happening. I feel like more and more moms are spending more and more time on their computers/i-phones and less and less time keeping the home. Which we are commanded to do.

"...encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, WORKERS AT HOME, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

"So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to MANAGE THEIR HOMES and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." 1 Timothy 5:14 

When we aren't keeping and managing the home we are allowing the word of God to be dishonored and we are allowing the enemy opportunity for slander. 
Keeping the home WELL is no joke. There are many things that can be done everyday to make our homes run more smoothly and efficiently. We as the managers and keepers of the home are deciding everyday how well our homes will run and how chaotic and messy our homes will be. 

In a day and age where we have so many conveniences (dishwasher, vacuums, washer, dryer etc.) there is really no excuse for a home to not be managed/kept well. Some of us, myself included, need to be asking: "Are my kids doing my job?" The Lord has not called our children to manage and keep the home. Yes we should be training them and it will bless them later in life if we do so, but we should never be barking orders from our sofa all day with the laptop and i-phone in front of us because we are too indulgent and selfish. If our homes are falling apart it's on our shoulders.

I will be the first to admit I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to keeping the home. My poor mother always worked full time outside the home and she never really gave any thought to training us. I am starting from scratch AND I am a very un-organzied person by nature. But I know God wants me to keep my home well and so I know He will answer my prayers to be a better at it. I pray to Him for wisdom on how to be the best keeper of the home I can be.

Don't embitter your children toward you. Don't make them question if mom is training them or just being lazy. We are called the keepers of the home and we need to live up to that title. 

My Christian Friend Had Abortions...

We had our fifth ladies conference here at Woodland Christian Church last week. It was wonderful. The theme was "Finding Hope". I loved every minute of it. But there was one part in particular that was so very special to me. My friend shared "a testimony of hope". She shared how she had abortions and how God has brought hope into her life since then. I asked her permission to share parts of it! I pray it blesses, educates you and humbles you as it did me!

"Abortion has affected me in many ways. I'll start with how it has affected my relationship with God since that relationship has a ripple effect into every aspect of my life.

I have never felt fully forgiven by God, which ultimately has kept me a good arms length away from Him. I constantly asked for forgiveness and was continually repenting. I would talk about being forgiven because I believed what the bible has to say about His forgiveness grace and mercy. Yet I continued to feel like I was not fully embraced. Not intimately nestled under His wing as I know other Christians are.

If that's how I felt with my Lord and Savior, the most loving and gracious Being, you can see how that would pour over into every single relationship I have. Some of you may relate, some of you don't and some of you seasoned Christians know that the the problem lies with me and not Christ.

What changed? How was I able to allow God to fully embrace me as His forgiven, clean precious daughter? Well it's been a process and some of it is very fresh.

I remember the moment the scales fell from my eyes and I was clearly able to see that abortion was sin...murder to be exact. I read the Bible and went to church so I fully understood that I was forgiven yet it didn't set me free. I was constantly reminded of how much worse I was than all the ladies around me at Sunday school, Bible study, church, or even just hanging out.

Sometimes I would get mad (silently). Most of the time I just felt dumb. The best way form to explain it would be for you to imagine yourself sitting in a bible study (or at any event really) and you have chocolate pudding literally all over your face. You're trying to hang with the gals and be as normal as possible. Smiling, talking...yet you know you have pudding all over your face and that's all anyone can think about as we just muscle through our time together. 

That picture I just drew for you is just one ugly side effect sin can have on our lives. Me feeling that way has absolutely nothing to do with the ladies I'm hanging out with and has everything to do with me and my sin. Abortion goes deep. It has lasting and deep consequences. How could I ever be that close to anyone with chocolate pudding all over my face? right?!

My 17 year old daughter and I were on a walk one afternoon something struck me HARD that she said to me. It prompted this conversation. She was talking about her struggles and pains that she's endured and mentioned how much she always wished for an older brother that could have watched out for her or had an older sisters shoulder to cry on. She even went on to say that she didn't feel like she should have been the oldest but has embraced it and tried her hardest to be the older sibling she never had. 

My heart caved into my chest at that moment. I fought back tears and told her she wasn't the oldest. She did have an older brother and older sister. She looked at me with absolute shock. I had to confess that in my selfishness I took that away from her. I not only robbed her of the role God created for her as a little sister, I robbed her siblings of life. I went into great detail about how much abortion changes God's intended plans for generations. I explained that regardless of the circumstances, abortion is always a product of pure selfishness. Little did I know, that conversation would save my grandsons life 4 months later. All the glory to God!! 

All sins are not the same according to God's written word. The impact of them, the influence of them and the consequences are not the same. I'm not going to spend too much time on this because pastor Scott has broken this down really well in his sermon on abortion. You can listen to it on the woodland Christian church website. I really encourage all you ladies take a listen! 

Some of the highlighted scriptures are:

1st Corinthians 6:18

Hebrews 12:15

Proverbs 6:17

Genesis 4:10 

Numbers 35:33 

Psalm 106:38

Those scriptures were key in my healing process. No one wants to tell a hurting woman searching for relief from her own sin that her sin is worse than others, but the reality is my sin is much worse than others. I needed to acknowledge that so that I could fully embrace God's grace when He told me yes, your sin is worse but you are EQUALLY FORGIVEN!

That's when It broke. 

The crippling grip keeping me distant from God. I am equally forgiven. I am equally clean. I am equally precious. I wouldn't know this kind of grace and forgiveness if I wasn't going to church, willing to listen to God's word and accept the hard truth about myself and my sin.

His word has brought me true healing. True hope and real peace even though I don't deserve it.

1 John 2:2 says "He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins."

Atoning means to make up, as for errors or deficiencies. Obsolete. To become reconciled.

Romans 8:6 says "the mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the spirit is LIFE and PEACE."

I'm finally experiencing life, peace and healing that other women are searching for but keep missing because they believe the ear tickling lies of the world. These lies come wrapped in all shapes and sizes. Do not be fooled. Sadly some women are actually "shouting their abortions". It's a sight where you publicly and proudly shout out your abortion. This is a desperate attempt to feel justified in their sin. You get one or the other, self-righteous justification or humbly accepting a beautiful gift of gracious forgiveness that sets you free. I've been given such hope not just through my repentance but accepting His forgiveness.

If I could give a struggling woman one piece of advice it would be to make Christian friends. The advice and prayer a Christian friend gives is priceless.  Even though our past and our sins may be very different, we have something wonderful in common, we are equally forgiven sinners! We are equally loved by our creator.

I'll end with some unsolicited advice to Christian women who may not know they are speaking to a woman that has had an abortion.

DO:

Continue to speak out against abortion. Don't be shy about it. Its very important to stand firm in voicing what an atrocious and heinous crime abortion is. Talk about the biblical view of children. Talk about what a gift and blessing they are. Realize that abortion is a very spiritually evil act and please understand that an argument with a pro choice woman is one of spiritual nature not common sense that can't be hashed out with lots of words but rather prayer.

DON'T:

When you are talking about sin or making a point or comparison don't ever compare what they've done to murder. You don't know how many times I've heard the comment "Well it's not like you've committed murder" in a discussion about sin. And sadly yes I have and many others have as well. All that does is make us feel that much more unforgivable. That much farther away from God than others. So undeserving of His grace. And believe me, even as of right now I feel very unworthy of sharing any of this. Its such a battle to even speak about this. I'm only sharing this out of obedience to Christ and to bring hope and peace to others."

Why More Kids?!

"I couldn't handle 5 kids!"

"I was done at 2."

"I just don't have the patience for that many kids."

"Why have more kids? How are you going to have a relationship with each of them?!"

I have heard these statements and questions many times. "Why have more kids?" I like to reply with: "Why not?" I don't know about you, but many of my own answers to the "why not?" are selfish. 

We are allowing God to plan our family size because:

*I want everyone that God wants here, here.

*I don't want one little person to be missing from our family.

*I know that God uses children to refine us in major ways to make us more like His Son.

*I believe He designed us to have children. He designed us with a desire to be intimate and out of that intimacy He designed conception. (p.s. I know intimacy has more purposes than just making babies) Preventing pregnancy goes against His design and His desire to bless us with the wonderful gift of a child! 

*Children are forever. I don't like messing with deciding if a little one that lasts forever exists in the first place. That's too big of a decision for me.

*My husband has the conviction to let God lead in all areas of life including family planning. 

*Children are presented as a blessing, gift and reward and why turn that down from our Creator? He presents debt as a curse and children as a blessing... it seems our culture is embracing the wrong one.

I am not doing this:

*Because I want a whole bunch of kids.

*Because I am so good at being a mom (I am not a very good one. Especially with babies.)

*Because I want to earn extra points in heaven.

*Because I love being pregnant (I hate it actually because I have 9 month all day "morning" sickness). 

Here I am with our second "reversal baby". Chloe Marie.

So.... What are your reasons for the way you "family plan"?

Further Reading: 
My first blog post about our vasectomy reversal

Love these thoughts from Barbie at "In the Nursery of the Nation" 

Kelly Crawford with Generation Cedar

A neat interview by Holly Elliff on Revive Our Hearts

Facebook Reflections

I have been off facebook for four months now. My original intention was to just take a month off but after my first month off I realized I didn't want to get back on.

When you are not on the biggest social network in the world you may feel a little left out but you will probably get a lot more done in the real world. There are those rare people that some how "don't check their facebook much" but I don't know many... most seem to check it constantly and then recheck it.... like I did. 

About 6 months ago I was asking the Lord what His will was for my life and it is answered quite simply in Titus 2: to keep my home, to love my husband and to love my children. Unfortunately, facebook wasn't part of the list. So I thought I would take a month off and that month turned into four months.

This post by Kelly Crawford also convicted the socks off of me! 

I have been reflecting lately: "what is it about facebook that makes it so appealing and for some, addictive?"

Here are three possible answers to that question:

1. Everyone wants to be affirmed. We all love to hear: "good job!" "I believe in you!" "I like you!" We all enjoy a nice compliment, but sometimes that craving can get unhealthy and before we know it we are craving the approval of man more than the approval of God. It is His opinion that matters most! It is His opinion we should crave the most! It is His "like" that we should be looking for! You have all the affirmation you will ever need in Christ. 

2. Everyone wants to be heard. One of my children in particular wants to be heard. So much so that when he is not heard his eyes often fill with tears. Some adults are like that too. They just want to be heard! They just want to vent whatever is on their mind and have others say: "I hear you." Facebook provides this for many people. 

3. Everyone wants to feel connected. We are made to be social, hence the word "social network". Facebook provides a sort of crack-cocaine form of feeling connected. God designed us to feel like part of a community and facebook provides that... in a way.  

Here is something to think about though:

Is the facebook world robbing our families of the opportunity to be the ones that primarily affirm us, hear us and make us feel connected?

Are we so tuned into our computer and phone screens that the very ones God put around us are not able to love us the way He designed because we are so distracted by our facebook family? 

Not everyone needs to get off facebook. But for now, it is best for me. My hope is not that this post makes anyone feel condemned but that it makes you think about why you are on facebook and if you are letting it rob you of the real life relationships and duties God has given you right within the four walls of your home. 

 "make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands." 1 Thess. 4:11

5 Ways We Ruin Our Relationships With Our Children

Our relationships with our children can be such a blessing but there may be some ways we are hindering it from being a blessing...especially for them. I would like to encourage you to live in ways that do not embitter your children toward you. I haven’t had children very long, only 8 years, but I have been in ministry for about 10 years and I have seen some pretty sad and sour relationships between mothers and their children. Here are the top 5 ways I am seeing parents ruin their relationships with their children:

1. Poor communication. Some parents simply don't talk with their children and when they do it’s often with a loud irritated voice...with annoyance or biting words. We need to be available to our children. We need to be women they can look up to and whom they WANT to talk to. We need to be approachable and not freak out when they share their honest feelings and questions. Freaking out is what makes our children NOT want to communicate with us. Speak with your children often. Ask them questions often. Praise them often. Communicate how much you love them and tell them specifically the things about them you are grateful for often.
2. Being a bad role model in what a wife should be like. Many sons and daughters have become embittered with their mothers because of how they treat their daddy.  Even if daddy isn’t living out that spiritual leadership role he should, our role as wives is to submit to and honor our husbands. Don’t try and poison your children toward their daddy. Esteem him. Praise his good points. Don’t ever mention his weaknesses to them. Our role is to show them what a godly, submissive, gentle wife looks like. We aren't responsible for our husband's behavior.
3. Not loving them. This may seem like a duh point. But it’s one that needs revisiting because it’s easy as a mom to go about life, working through our to do list, making sure the kids are bathed and fed, and forgetting the essential action of love. Titus 2 says that the older women are to instruct the younger women to love their husbands with a friendly love and to love their children with an affectionate love. It’s the greek word philoteknos (Fa-La-Tick-Nos) and it’s only used this one time in the new testament. It comes from the greek word phileo which as you know refers to friendly love. The older women are to teach the younger women to have a friendly love toward their husbands AND their children. Why? I think it’s because we forget to love this way. We can often end up loving like servants, meeting their daily needs and training our children in the ways of life but we forget to have fun with them. We forget to hold their hand and laugh with them. We forget how much it means to them when we participate in their favorite game, craft or other hobby. Let’s love our children with that friendly love and shower them with affection, even (or especially) when we don't feel like it or feel like that is our "love language". To truly love others often means doing so outside our comfort zone and against our natural inclinations.
4. Being lazy and expecting them not to be. I think this is a relatively new issue. I bettcha 100 years ago children didn't see lazy parents! Our i-phones, televisions and computers constantly tempt us to lay around and shout orders at our kids. They watch us as we spend hours scrolling our phones, watching our favorite episodes on tv and surfing the web for hours while we get frustrated with them for wanting to play with their electronics. Something I have to constantly remind myself is that my children are not my little slaves, yes they have chores, yes they "carry their share" around here, but I am the one called to be the homemaker... I am the one that primarily is called to keep the home and I think many children are embittered toward their parents because their parents expect them to work hard around the home while they lay around. God says: "Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys." (Prov. 18:9) When we are slack in our work at home we are sisters to him who destroys. Let's set an example for our children in working hard and not just shout at them "work harder!".
   
5. Being a different mommy at home than you are in public. This one hits close to home. Can I share a super humiliating moment with you that recently happened? My husband and I live in a parsonage. We have a lot of traffic right outside our door often. We have a lot of traffic that consists of our closest friends. Recently one of my friends (who walked through my carport to leave the church, that's how close our home is to the church) confronted me on how I was talking to my kids when I was at home. You see, I don't talk to my kids at home like I would in public and this could potentially make my children very bitter toward me. Lord help me! I told the friend thank you and cringed inside. My immediate response was pride. I thought: "I never get 'a day off'! I'm always 'on'! It's not fair living next to the church! I live in a fish bowl everyday!" And then I was convicted and humbled and started thanking the Lord instead of having a pity party. What a gift that was for my friend to show me what a hypocrite I was! What a gift that was for her to love me enough to rebuke me and reveal very clearly that I was being a different mommy at home than I was in public. Be the same mommy at home as you are in public. The Lord's eyes are never far and we truly have to live for an Audience of One. 

My Second "Non-Babywise" Baby

My sweet Chloe was born on December 6th 2014. She was my second homebirth (you can read about my first homebirth here). The birth went as expected: lots of pain followed by lots of joy :) oh and p.s. this was the first time I didn't find out what I was having and it definitely was NOT all it's cracked up to be. Not doing that again.

Oh my goodness! How cute is my Chloe bug?!

I had decided when I was pregnant that I would do a "non-babywise" thing again with this baby as I had done with Charis. Now truth be told I was terrified (slight exaggeration) that I would change my mind... because... well... I do that A LOT. But yeah! I didn't change my mind and I am loving having my sweet Chloe bug on what I call: a go with the flow sleep training schedule. 

Now "go with the flow" and "schedule" don't usually go together. But I believe I have found a happy balance. Here are my tips on how to not have your baby screaming their head off periodically while also not losing your mind. 

#1. NEVER sleep with your baby. Alright, so I totally just lost half of you right there. But try it out! Sleeping with your baby trains your baby to sleep with you. Duh. But sleeping with you also means lots and lots of nursing and that can often mean no sleep for you or daddy or baby. Now, hey, if you want to sleep with your baby and that's what your husband wants (mine definitely didn't) then by all means go for it.

#2. Have a transition plan. My babies when they are first born are placed in the little bassinet and placed next to my bed. When they start to become more aware of their surroundings I transition them to a more private place like a bathroom or closet (big closet with good air flow) that is still close to my bed but far enough away that they don't see me. Around 6 months I transition them to the crib. Chloebug (her nickname) is almost 7 months so has been in her crib for about a month and it's going great! Now, by great, I don't mean: sleeping through the night. That, unlike babywise moms, is not my ultimate goal. I'll sleep later in life. I am able to nurse and go back to sleep and so it's not a big deal to lose out on sleep in 10 min. increments knowing that I am still in my own bed without a baby about 7-8 hours a night. Chloe usually gets up around 1-2 times in an 8 hour period. I nurse her in the dark and lay her right back down with her pacifier (I LOVE THE PACIFIER). Which brings me to number 3.

#3. Use a pacifier. There are so many oppositions to the pacifier that you can start to fear it's use. I didn't use a pacifier with my third and fourth child and they both still suck their finger (one is 2 and one is 5). Pacifiers can be taken away. Chloe has never shown "nipple confusion" and it never has hindered her nursing. Lastly, I taught her how to take it in and out of her mouth on her own so that I don't have to go in constantly and put it back in. You just practice when they are awake. Pacifiers have also been shown in helping preventing sids. Speaking of that, this is the first baby I have put on their back. I was not too excited about that but my husband insisted that I did and I was petrified of one of our babies dying from sids and us having to live with that if we had them on their tummies. One of my friends is a NICU nurse and she said she has never seen a baby come in who died from sids that was on their back... every single one was on their tummy... put that bit of info together with the fact that our friend's neighbor had just lost a baby to sids and they had the baby on their tummy. So I put Chloe on her back and swaddled her with one of these. It went fine and now she is swaddle free and rolling all around in her crib. I still lay her down on her back and she often chooses to sleep that way now anyway.

#4. Try feeding your baby whenever they wake up. This idea actually did come from babywise with it's: feed, wake, sleep routine. Chloe wakes up, I nurse her, let her "play" and then lay her down WIDE AWAKE. Now here's the deal though, for the first three months this rarely happens as planned and I am okay with that. I wore Charis (my first non-babywise baby) a lot the first three months and I did that a lot with Chloe as well. I was so afraid to wear my first "babywise babies" and was so pleasantly surprised that they could still sleep by themselves at night and that I wasn't training them to only sleep on me like I had feared. I never let Chloe and Charis scream like I did with my first three. I would do a "go with the flow schedule/routine" of: sleep, wake, feed, play, sleep. But sometimes I nursed them to sleep and sometimes I would wear them to get them to sleep during the day. By the time they were almost four months old I wasn't wearing them anymore and they were going to sleep happy! I never watched the clock but instead prayed that God with give me motherly wisdom to nurture, love and train my babies as He would have me do, not as man says I should. How did Eve survive without Gary Ezzo telling her what to do?! In fact, she didn't even have a clock! Oh. my. 

#5. Don't stress. Easy right? Ha! Yeah right! Stress is something we as people, especially a Christian people, have to combat daily. Stressing usually is due to a lack of trust in God but in the case of being the mama of a new baby it's often due to just not knowing what to do! It's hard to meet the needs of a little one that can't talk yet! It's hard to know why they are crying again and again. Mothering seems like something that should "come naturally" but just like many things in life, it is a learning process. For some of you though the learning curve isn't as severe because you were raised around babies, I wasn't. But I have found such a profound difference in mothering my fifth baby verses my first. Oh that I could go back and tell myself to chill out! I remember sprinting through the house as fast as I could to pick up Rhea (my firstborn) because she was crying. Now I understand crying is part of life. It's a part of my life as an adult and for a baby. I don't believe in letting my baby cry for long periods of time because frankly that's what "crack moms" do. Sounds harsh. But it's true! Crack moms don't tend to their babies needs and nurture them. Crack moms leave their babies to cry for hours. I have learned to enjoy this season more. Not freak out about crying and not let it go on and on. Now when I lay Chloe down I recognize which cry means: "I'm not going to sleep" and which one means: "I'm sleepy and need to fuss a bit". I enjoy my "go with the flow" mothering so much more than rigid scheduling! Life doesn't always happen on schedule and so pray and ask God to help you to not stress when things don't go according to your plan. Stressing totally takes your joy and prevents you from loving the baby season!

#6 Have a "security blanket" for them. I love my pacifiers and blankies. I pick out a soft blankie, preferably lighter so that it isn't too hot in the summer, before the baby arrives. I nurse them with it and lay them down with it. These come in so handy in the car when they need to settle down, at church, when they are upset and best of all at nap and bed time! 

Those are my 6 simple tips on how to "train" a non-babywise baby to sleep. Thoughts? Questions? Be sure to leave them in the comment section! Thanks for stopping by! 

Top 3 Reasons I Don't Blog Much

#1 There are A LOT of AMAZING bloggers out there. Thousands. In fact, there are thousands that blog about the very things on my heart: mothering, marriage, homeschooling, homemaking etc. They are better writers than me. More popular than me. More creative than me. Why in the world would I invest time in something when I know that I will never even come close to these wonderful ladies? 

#2 No one else is married to my husband. Sound weird? Well it's not. It makes perfect sense actually. I just had this thought as I was scrubbing the toilet in our guest bathroom. Lots of deep thinking happens during this activity for many of you, I am sure of that. Anyway, I was scrubbing the toilet thinking about how I would like to blog more and I thought: Scott would rather I be scrubbing the toilets. Well, my husband would like it if I was doing any sort of homemaking thing but that was what I was doing at the time of my epiphany. You see, I am married to a man that loves a clean, organized, clean (did I already say that?), noncluttered home. I am also called to be this very man's helper. The bible says I was made to help him and help carry out his vision for my home and his vision is very simple: teach and train my children and keep the home. Blogging is not at the top of his priority list and therefore it's not at the top of mine. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't mind me blogging and actually enjoys reading my posts but he minds if blogging comes before my children and my home (which it totally would if I invested in it more). Which leads me to reason number 3.

#3 No one else is the mommy of Ricky, Rhea, Johnny, Charis and Chole. Yep. Nobody else is blessed to be their mommy. I'm the only one. And when I blog I am not available to them. When I blog I am distracted... very distracted. When I blog I am missing out on watching them, training them, loving on them (unless I did it when they are sleeping which honestly is my best time to catch up on other things of greater importance). My children get one childhood and one mommy and I"m not going to miss it staring at my computer screen. 

I'm Going Back to School...

Well, that's what it feels like at least. You see, I spent 13 years going from kindergarten through my senior year and then I spent another 6 years getting my BS in psychology. What. A. Waste. OK, I know it wasn't ALL a waste. I did learn my alphabet and how to read. But as far as learning how to be a homemaker, mother and wife I learned nothing. Even my home economics class in high school has proven to be of no worth in terms of benefiting my current day to day life. 

I am putting myself back in school. I am studying homemaking, motherhood and being a godly wife like I am getting degrees in all three! 

Ladies, I am already seeing the fruit of this endeavor! As I am diligent in studying and putting into practice what I am learning, I am being blessed with visible fruit!

Why in the world don't we study for these major roles? Why spend so much time studying and investing in things that have little value eternally or even practically, for how we will spend most of our lives (as mothers, wives and homemakers). 

God addresses older women to train the younger women in Titus 2 to: keep the home, love their husbands and love their children (among other things). According to God these are the things He wants me to be trained in. These are the things He wants me to be investing in. 

That is why I am looking for Titus 2 women on-line to teach and train me! What a blessing to have so many godly women available to us 24/7 to train us in the things God desires for us to be trained in! We have no excuse.

I am by nature a very unorganized woman. This does not work out well for me when it comes to being a keeper of the home and training my children. There is hope though! With God's help we can change! If you are like me, believe with me that we can become organized! I have been praying that God would help me to think differently since that is how we change ourselves! (Romans 12:2) He is changing the way I think and He is using my investment in studying in keeping the home to actually keep it! 

Study the Word of God first and foremost, seek His Kingdom first and He will add unto you what you need. Don't neglect the study of His Word to study even good things like keeping the home, loving your husband and children. Read it first and then go to studying practical ways to live out His design for your life!

I feel a bit like a guinea pig for y'all! I am going to be checking in every once in a while over the next few months to share with you what worked and what didn't work. What was worth investing in and what wasn't. I will be sharing practical ways to better keep the home, love your children and love your husband.

Stay focused on these few things God has called you to ladies! Don't get distracted by all the things there are to pursue in this world. (For me this means no facebook :) If you are feeling overwhelmed cry out to God and ask Him to reveal to you what needs to be removed from your life to be able to carry out His will. Remember, there is ALWAYS TIME FOR THE WILL OF GOD. 

There is a lot at stake when we don't live out God's design. 

It actually says that His Word is dishonored. Let's honor God today and every day by pursuing His best and endeavoring to be excellent in the few roles He has called us to!

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.…" Titus 2:3-5

My Second Homebirth

I did it again. I can't believe it. Up to the last week before I had my second homebirth I was contemplating how great it would be to get an epidural... My little loves due date came and went. November 30th my baby was due and I kept saying: "plan for December 6th". Well, guess what? My little baby girl, Chloe Marie, was born on December 6th at 12:05 a.m.!

It was a Friday. My day began with story time at the library. Me, my sister and her kids and my four littles walked over to the library across the street at 10 a.m. and participated in story time/craft time. On the walk home with my sister I said: "Man, sorry I'm walking so slow these contractions are holding me up." They didn't feel like "real labor" contractions... but they were enough to make me want to walk slow.

The rest of daylight was pretty uneventful. Minor contractions when I moved around a lot, but nothing consistent....UNTIL about 5 p.m. I was making the kids some food and pausing for contractions. I told Scott: "Hmmm, these ones feel different..." His excited response: "Well, is it the real deal?!" Me: "Nah, I doubt it." He went to the gym. I texted him and said: "I think we are going to have to cancel dinner with that family...I might go into labor tonight!" He wrote them and they were understanding :)

At about 6 p.m. I called my inlaws and asked them to take the kids. I was starting to think "tonight's the night" but still afraid to completely admit it. Scott took the kids to his parents house and I vacuumed :)

At about 8 p.m. I still "wasn't sure"... why do I do that?! I just don't want to get my hopes up I guess.

I started singing during my contractions (something I used to make fun of). Here is a video of me singing to my sweet Chloe out of the womb the same song I sang to her during labor. The verse of this song was perfect because it takes about 45 seconds to sing and that's how long my contractions were and besides that I love that song, it ALWAYS ministers to me.

Scott would come in and be like: "This is it right?!" Finally, around 9 p.m., I said "Yep! My water just broke!" At the peak of one of my contractions I felt this crazy POP and my water broke. I texted my midwives and let them know and told them I would text them when things got crazy... but they decided to come anyway (and I'm glad they did!). They arrived at about 9:30 p.m.

Daddy got to hold her right after they cut the cord.

a picture of me holding Chloe moments after birth.

First picture of all five children together.

I continued to sing through contractions and labored in my bed in the dark. It was peaceful. At about 10:30 p.m. I decided it was time to get in the tub (which is code for: "I can't handle these contractions anymore without the warm water!"). I got in and felt immediate relief. In my first homebirth with Charis I didn't say one word to my midwives the whole labor... I think because I was in such shock with how terrible it was... it was my first full natural birth (I labored 12 hours with Rhea with no epidural but the labor overall was 18 hours). With Chloe's birth though I knew what I was in for and I talked to my midwives in between contractions asking: "What do I need to do to get this going faster?" They told me the more that I got out and walked around the better. They also told me to sit on the toilet backwards and rest my head on a pillow on the back of the toilet...ay-yi-yi... ouchie...hurt...pain... you get the point. Those contractions threw me into throwing up mode and made my whole body shake. Not fun, but they made things go faster. Mission accomplished.

At about 11:45 p.m. I was ready to start pushing. I expected it to go EXACTLY like it did with Charis (Don't do that with birth... ever, ever, ever...just like children, each one is unique and different). It felt like I was pushing against a brick wall... like something was blocking her... the midwives thought maybe her arm was positioned above her head... not sure. It was WAY more painful than my pushing was with Charis. My midwives were champs and helped me all along the way and little Chloe bug entered the world at 12:05 a.m. on December 6th! She actually came out and didn't breathe for a bit so one of my midwives did mouth to mouth on her a couple of times and she perked right up. One of my very favorite things about homebirth is the lack of chaos... the calm... the flow... I have a feeling if I were in the hospital there would have been major panic.

I got to hold her for quite a while (lost track of time) until they cut the cord (another thing I love about homebirth is how long they leave the cord attached!). Afterwards I got to get in my own shower and go to my bedroom where they weighed and measured her (8 lbs 12oz, 20 in.) and I got to go to bed IN MY OWN BED!

Birth isn't fun. But since it is inevitable when having a baby I will choose to have them at home :)

Your Children Will Be Spouses

Was thinking about the saying: "Your mom doesn't live here so pick up after yourself." Got me to thinking about how important it is for us moms to be training our children to pick up after themselves and to let them know that isn't mom's job either :)

I've been thinking of this in particular with my boys... what a blessing they will be as husbands if they learn NOW to put their dishes in the sink, pick up their dirty laundry, put back their belongings after they are finished with them etc. We are to be training not only our daughters to be servants toward their future spouses and children but we should also be training our boys to be servants to their future families.

Men are not called to be keepers of the home but all Christians are called to a life of service and thinking of others before themselves. We as mothers must remind our boys of this, so that when they grow up to be men, serving will come naturally to them because they have been practicing it in the home for years.

With that in mind however, we should be reminding our daughters that they are the ones called to be the keeper of the home and therefore they will naturally need more training and experience than their brothers. I am working on instructing Rhea in the importance of having a joyful attitude in her chores because her duties as a housewife will be much more enjoyable if she chooses to practice joy now. 

As mothers it is most likely that we are raising future fathers, mothers, husbands and wives. Keep this in mind through out your days, through out your training and through out your discipline. Are you teaching your boys how to serve, love and lead? Are you teaching your girls what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit and to keep the home? 

A simple example of this type of training: The other night my oldest daughter was going to bed. As I was tucking her in I started reflecting on the day and I thought about how many times she was being.... persistent.

I told her: "Honey, there is this side of your personality that could cause you lots of problems as a future wife. You are very persistent and don't give up on getting what you want. This can be used for God's glory when you seek to accomplish things for Him but it can also be a huge burden for your future husband. You know how mama is supposed to let daddy lead and to not nag him?"

Her response: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, your persistence can turn into nagging your future husband and you know what the bible says about a nagging wife?"

My oldest daughter: "No."

Me: "It says that he would rather live on the corner of a roof with all sorts of bad weather than live with a nagging wife. Mama wants to be a blessing to daddy and not a burden and I want to train you to be the same way. Make sense?"

Her: "Makes sense Mama." She had a big smile on her face picturing a husband sitting on the corner of the roof.

One of the biggest blessings for me in keeping this mindset is the benefit it is for my own marriage and parenting. By training them I am also training myself. It's hard to preach this stuff if you aren't seeking to live it out yourself. Fewer things embitter children toward their parents more than watching them teach what they aren't living out.

The number one way we train our children is in the way we live. How am I training Rhea and Charis to respect their future husbands and to love their children in my day to day life and in the way I treat them and their daddy? What kind of godly wife am I portraying for Ricky and Johnny? Am I training them in the fruits of the Spirit or the flesh? How is my life training them for their future and how will my training affect their future families?


"Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Give careful thought to your ways.'" (Haggai 1:5)

Trusting God with Our Children

What do you fear most as a mom? If you're like me it's that something would happen to one of my children and that they would die. 

Every year around this time the news lights up with lots of things to scare us as mothers. So far it's the scare of the "respiratory virus". Before that it was the swine flu or the west nile virus. Now there are reports of the ebola virus spreading in Africa and many are afraid of it coming here. Ladies, hear me on this, there are COUNTLESS THINGS TO FEAR. Sickness and death are inevitable and "around the corner". Sadly, the enemy takes many Christian moms captive and holds them in bondage with many fears of many things. 

My little brother was diagnosed with a whelms tumor when he was two. It was so big it constituted half his body weight. I remember watching my mom sitting in her room holding my little brother sobbing when we got the phone call. It was a terrible, frightening time. Numerous doctors said he would not live. He did. We just celebrated his 27th birthday. 

I don't know if some of my overwhelming fears have anything to do with my childhood but I can tell you that by God's grace, He is relieving me of these fears! By His grace I am growing in my trust in Him and therefore my fears are becoming less and less. Trust in God is fear's kryptonite. My Father is giving me an eternal perspective on death and life and it is through this perspective that I can live more fully! I feel the chains of fear being loosened and it makes it much easier to breathe. 

There are hundreds of terrible things that COULD happen to our children every day. If we CHOOSE to focus on these things the enemy will rejoice because he knows he has taken our hearts captive. Our hearts cannot be captive to two masters. We are either serving the Lord or something else and for many of us moms we are continually "serving" fear. We are at it's beckon call. When we see another report of a child dying from some virus our hearts are taken captive and we lose that eternal perspective. When we hear of some flu bug going around or even a terrible cold we can be gripped with fear of one of our children getting it. We lose our trust in God and are weighed down with anxiety as we contemplate all the ways WE (not God) must protect our children. Who are we showing our children that we believe is in control of all things?

"That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things." (Isaiah 45:6-7)

Now, does this mean we "throw common sense to the wind" and do nothing to protect our children? Absolutely not. Protecting our children is a God given instinct. However, what does God want us to recognize? He wants us to recognize control was never ours to begin with. He has given us these beautiful gifts called children but we must come to grips with the fact that they are ultimately His. We are to steward them, and part of that stewardship is watching out for their well-being, but He is their Creator... He gives and takes away.

The joy that comes in recognizing that death is not the end is life-giving. The fear that comes when we obsess over all the possible sicknesses our children can get zaps the life out of us. EVEN IF God were to take one of our children, EVEN IF some of our biggest fears come true, we can rest in knowing that even though our children's (and our) days our numbered, we have eternity to look forward to. THIS IS NOT OUR HOME. We model for our children in many ways if we truly believe that or not.

Mothers bound by fear model to their children that they can't trust God and that this life is of utmost importance. Mothers who trust God with their children model for them what true faith looks like. When we are not held captive to anxieties that come with worrying about every sickness or every "what if" we show our children what it means to put our lives in the hands of the living God.

Our greatest concern for our children should not revolve around how they are physically but how they are spiritually. John said: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."(3 John 1:4) The opposite could be true as well: I have no greater sadness to hear that my children are not walking in the truth. I pray my main concern be my children's spiritual well-being. May we as mothers fight with all our might daily to pray for them and to teach them about the ways of the Lord, warning them about the ways of the world. May we be modeling for them what it looks like to live a life of faith and TRUST. "... death is not your greatest enemy. Death brings a temporary sadness, a time of great loneliness, but in Christ there is always hope. Your greatest enemies are those vying for your child’s soul."-Debi Pearl

What are you modeling for your children? What holds your heart captive? Are fears making you feel like you are drowning whenever the flu season comes around?

Mediate on truth, not on your fears.

Truth:

"In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." (Job 12:10)

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

My Top 10 Mothering Tips

I do not consider myself an "experienced mother". I have four children with one on the way. The ages of my kiddos are: 7, 5, 4 and 1.5. Even though I have only been at this for 7 years I would love to share with you the top 10 things I like to remind myself of on this beautiful journey called motherhood.

#1 Tell them how you feel about them. Scott and I have encountered MANY grown adult men and women that are still upset and hurt by the lack of love that was communicated to them as a child. I am not sure what it is that prevents us from verbalizing positive things to our children OFTEN but we need to stop it! When your son opens the door for you thank him and compliment him for being such a gentleman. When your daughter wakes up in the morning wrap your arms around her and tell her how thankful you are to have another day with such a special lady. When your toddler is proud of something "little" they have accomplished encourage them with a "good job sweetie!". Don't underestimate the importance of saying good things to your children out loud. And while you're at it, accompany your praise with a gentle touch, hug or kiss on the cheek. Children crave not only words of affirmation but physical affirmation!

#2 Look for ways to teach them about their Creator. They can't hear about their God enough. They can't hear about His love for them enough! Especially in a world that is seeking with all it's might to teach them there is no God and that they were certainly not created! If our children don't hear about the Lord from us they will hear plenty of negative, anti-God, anti-creation, anti-bible hoopla from everywhere else. There is a battle for your child's soul, be sure to stand in the way of the enemy winning!

#3 Live out what you preach. Children start to grasp at a young age if a parent's words aren't matching what they are preaching! They are learning from you what it means to be honest and have integrity. If you tell them God wants us to be content with what we have then you better practice contentment. If you tell them to be thankful for what they get then you better be thankful

when you don't get what you want. If you tell them there is a loving God that cares for them then you better demonstrate your faith in Him when the going gets tough. If you tell them it's important to read your bible make sure you are reading it often. If you tell them it's important to follow through and keep their commitments then you better be consistent and do what you said you would do with them. If you teach them to trust God in all things demonstrate your trust in God by entrusting your children to Him. Don't say it if you don't want to live it! p.s we all mess this one up... when you do, be quick to recognize it in front of your children and apologize.

#4 Have fun! For goodness sakes, don't be a stick in the mud! Who wants to live with a fuddy-duddy-grumpy-head? I don't! It's hard for me to remember sometimes in the midst of dirty laundry, dirty diapers, dirty dishes and dirty floors to be happy but if I don't remember then I am simply training my children to not be happy in the midst of day to day life as well. Feeling down? Crank up your favorite worship music and sing praises to your King! This will speak volumes to your children when they see that you are tempted to be in a bad mood but you CHOOSE to worship instead. Run through the sprinkler with them. Tell silly jokes. Play with them outside. Read to them. Their life with you is their life, make it enjoyable.

#5 Be good to their daddy. The power we have to bring our children joy through how we treat our husband is amazing. The power we also have to bring our children sadness through how we treat our husband is sobering. There have been many "decent moms" that destroy their witness by how poorly they treat their husbands. One of the very best things you can do for your children is to treat their daddy well. Respect him. Honor him. Submit to his leading. Verbally praise him in front of the kids when he is around and when he isn't around. Give him a kiss and hug when he leaves

for work and gets home from work. Look for ways to bless him WITH the children. Present a united front, let them know you are a team. Put him first. You can't separate how you are as a mom from how you are as a wife. Be a blessing to him and you will in turn bless them.

#6-Remember to keep what is important important- It is so easy to misplace our priorities. We can slip into the pattern of making things more important than people without even noticing! For example, when your child breaks something, do you act like it's the end of the world? Do you say harsh things over something temporary? Worldly people can have nice, clean, orderly homes (not that there is anything wrong with those kinds of homes! I strive for that to some extent) but they will never have Christ-centered homes! Our homes should be filled with fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. That's what we want our homes to be overflowing with! If we want our children to grow up with an eternal perspective then we have to have one ourselves. Meditate on and memorize 2 Cor. 4:16-18 and Col. 3:1-2 as a family. Remind your children that we are just pilgrims passing through and that our true home is with the Father. Make the things the Lord says are important important in your home. Be more of a Mary and less of a Martha.

#7 Discipline them BEFORE you get angry- I really stink at this. I tend to want to spank my children when they should have been

spanked long before that and then I feel guilty because I feel like I am training them to misbehave and not listen to me until I get "really mad". Discipline your children when they disobey. Don't teach them to disobey by delaying discipline. And remember, discipline IS the loving thing to do "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." Proverbs 13:24


#8 Spend QUALITY time with them- It's easy to think that just because you're in the same room as your kids that you are spending time with them... the question is what kind of time? Just because time is passing doesn't mean you are spending quality time with them. Spending quality time with our kiddos takes GREAT intention and sacrifice. Honestly, I don't like to play. I am not a "playful" kind of gal. I don't like games. But this is such an important way to communicate to my kiddos that I love them. All kids enjoy quality time with their parents.

#9 Be approachable- Your kids are going to have lots of questions as they grow up. Questions about girl and boys. Questions about their faith. Questions about their bodies. Questions about marriage. Questions about sin. We must ask ourselves: "Am I approachable? Do my children feel comfortable coming to me with their struggles and doubts?" If we are not approachable then our children will look for someone or something that is... the internet for example. The last place we want our children going with their questions is the internet. Make it clear to your children verbally, with your demeanor and your responses to their questions, that you are approachable.

#10 Be who you want them to remember- Do you want your children's memories to be filled with images of you losing your temper? Do you want them to remember you nagging their father constantly about not doing things your way? Do you want them to remember you on your phone or computer more than you were with them? Start living today what you want them to remember when they grow up and leave the home.

All of these are difficult. All of these are areas I fail in. We need the Lord's help to train our children in the way they should go and to love them as He has loved us. Oftentimes when I think of motherhood I think of this verse: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Cor. 10:13) All moms all over the world are tempted to "lose it" with their children, to take for granted the time they have with them, to nag their husbands and to be lazy in their parenting BUT God is faithful and He will provide a way out from all those temptations. Be in the Word, sing to Him and pray.

What about you? Leave some of your top mothering tips in the comment section below!