5 Ways We Ruin Our Relationships With Our Children

Our relationships with our children can be such a blessing but there may be some ways we are hindering it from being a blessing...especially for them. I would like to encourage you to live in ways that do not embitter your children toward you. I haven’t had children very long, only 8 years, but I have been in ministry for about 10 years and I have seen some pretty sad and sour relationships between mothers and their children. Here are the top 5 ways I am seeing parents ruin their relationships with their children:

1. Poor communication. Some parents simply don't talk with their children and when they do it’s often with a loud irritated voice...with annoyance or biting words. We need to be available to our children. We need to be women they can look up to and whom they WANT to talk to. We need to be approachable and not freak out when they share their honest feelings and questions. Freaking out is what makes our children NOT want to communicate with us. Speak with your children often. Ask them questions often. Praise them often. Communicate how much you love them and tell them specifically the things about them you are grateful for often.
2. Being a bad role model in what a wife should be like. Many sons and daughters have become embittered with their mothers because of how they treat their daddy.  Even if daddy isn’t living out that spiritual leadership role he should, our role as wives is to submit to and honor our husbands. Don’t try and poison your children toward their daddy. Esteem him. Praise his good points. Don’t ever mention his weaknesses to them. Our role is to show them what a godly, submissive, gentle wife looks like. We aren't responsible for our husband's behavior.
3. Not loving them. This may seem like a duh point. But it’s one that needs revisiting because it’s easy as a mom to go about life, working through our to do list, making sure the kids are bathed and fed, and forgetting the essential action of love. Titus 2 says that the older women are to instruct the younger women to love their husbands with a friendly love and to love their children with an affectionate love. It’s the greek word philoteknos (Fa-La-Tick-Nos) and it’s only used this one time in the new testament. It comes from the greek word phileo which as you know refers to friendly love. The older women are to teach the younger women to have a friendly love toward their husbands AND their children. Why? I think it’s because we forget to love this way. We can often end up loving like servants, meeting their daily needs and training our children in the ways of life but we forget to have fun with them. We forget to hold their hand and laugh with them. We forget how much it means to them when we participate in their favorite game, craft or other hobby. Let’s love our children with that friendly love and shower them with affection, even (or especially) when we don't feel like it or feel like that is our "love language". To truly love others often means doing so outside our comfort zone and against our natural inclinations.
4. Being lazy and expecting them not to be. I think this is a relatively new issue. I bettcha 100 years ago children didn't see lazy parents! Our i-phones, televisions and computers constantly tempt us to lay around and shout orders at our kids. They watch us as we spend hours scrolling our phones, watching our favorite episodes on tv and surfing the web for hours while we get frustrated with them for wanting to play with their electronics. Something I have to constantly remind myself is that my children are not my little slaves, yes they have chores, yes they "carry their share" around here, but I am the one called to be the homemaker... I am the one that primarily is called to keep the home and I think many children are embittered toward their parents because their parents expect them to work hard around the home while they lay around. God says: "Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys." (Prov. 18:9) When we are slack in our work at home we are sisters to him who destroys. Let's set an example for our children in working hard and not just shout at them "work harder!".
   
5. Being a different mommy at home than you are in public. This one hits close to home. Can I share a super humiliating moment with you that recently happened? My husband and I live in a parsonage. We have a lot of traffic right outside our door often. We have a lot of traffic that consists of our closest friends. Recently one of my friends (who walked through my carport to leave the church, that's how close our home is to the church) confronted me on how I was talking to my kids when I was at home. You see, I don't talk to my kids at home like I would in public and this could potentially make my children very bitter toward me. Lord help me! I told the friend thank you and cringed inside. My immediate response was pride. I thought: "I never get 'a day off'! I'm always 'on'! It's not fair living next to the church! I live in a fish bowl everyday!" And then I was convicted and humbled and started thanking the Lord instead of having a pity party. What a gift that was for my friend to show me what a hypocrite I was! What a gift that was for her to love me enough to rebuke me and reveal very clearly that I was being a different mommy at home than I was in public. Be the same mommy at home as you are in public. The Lord's eyes are never far and we truly have to live for an Audience of One. 

The Stay At Home Mom Who Doesn't Stay Home

I have often heard that stay at home moms get a hard time for "just staying at home." But I would say most of us stay at home moms aren't really staying at home very much. It seems now we are busier than ever and our homes are not what they should be. We also have these crazy things called automobiles and automobiles bring a lot more temptations and possibilities out there to make us want to venture outside our four walls often... probably more often than we should.

First I would like to give a disclaimer. There is nothing wrong with going places, going out with friends, shopping etc. The problem is, for many stay at home moms, home is no longer where they are spending most of their time. Our homes are losing out because our hearts are wandering and longing for more than "just keeping the home." I believe God will guide you and convict you. It is of utmost importance that we are sensitive to the Spirit's leading in this and that we stay home more if that is what He wants of us.

I am finding that my desire to leave home is decreasing greatly with each child. Homeschooling, laundry, keeping the home, playing with my children, praying with them, training them, cooking... all these things take lots of time and even more so as God adds more children to our family.

In many ways stay at home moms can become busybodies, but not busy in their homes as the Lord would want. This verse, talking about women, describes perfectly what I am saying: "Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to." (1 Tim. 5:13) Some of us "stay at home" moms are in the habit of being idle and going from house to house... or store to store... or event after event.

There are always things out there to distract us from our homes ladies! Be on guard. Be aware. Pray and ask the Lord how He would have you spend your time. How would God say we are doing in our "employment" as stay at home moms? Are we treating it as our profession and making it a priority or do we look for ways to "get out of work?" I know when I am "out and about", even for just one day, that I get behind. But when I purpose to stay home and focus on the tasks at hand I find I am able to keep my head above water.
One practical way to limit outings is to be picky and purposeful in what you and your children do outside the home. Some families spend way more time outside the four walls of their house than in their house. Our homes should be a place of refuge and togetherness, not just a place we land to go to sleep.

Scott and I are not doing any sports right now with the children and I think that helps with our time together at home. Homeschooling obviously contributes greatly to me staying at home. Shopping once a week rather than multiple times a week helps too.

You can also be at home and not really be AT HOME. When you are on the phone it's as if you aren't there. To me, to be "at home" means to be completely available to your home and the people in it. When we are on facebook or blogging our minds are distracted as well. It takes intention not only to be physically at home but emotionally too!

A true "stay at home mom" sees the home as her primary place of influence. She invests in it and her family more than anything or anyone else. God is able to give us great contentment in our homes if we seek it because He desires for us to be "keepers of them" (Titus 2:5) and as we obey Him with a cheerful and thankful heart, contentment will follow.

"Father, I know Your Word calls me to manage my home, to be busy there and to keep it well. Please remind me of these truths when my heart and mind are tempted to wander and covet what others do. Stir in me a greater desire to be at home and enjoy this sphere of influence You have called me to! Thank you for the privilege of being a stay at home mom. I pray I would grow to appreciate it more and more each day. Help me to never be like the woman in Proverbs 7:11 which says: 'She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home...' Remind me of the benefits of my feet staying at home."

Why YOU Are Fundamentally Flawed

I recently (painfully) read THIS ARTICLE titled: Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed. This is my response.

Here is the first quote I want to address...

"The One Dating Rule: Don’t go out with the same guy twice in a row." followed by a quote from his grandma: “If I had only gone out with 3 or 4 guys I wouldn’t have known what I wanted in a husband."

What?! You can ask me, a girl who dated, if she is happy that she went out with different guys and my answer would be: NO! You can ask me if I think it helped me figure out what I wanted in a husband and I would say: NO! All my dating led to regret and heartache. Each time you date someone you are choosing to invest in them emotionally and sometimes, unfortunately, physically. Dating often leads to giving parts of your heart and body to someone who will likely not be your husband/wife.

God gave Eve to Adam. How many people did He choose in His infinite wisdom to give Adam? One. That's right folks...one person. What was God thinking?!! Why didn't He create numerous people for Adam to choose from? That way he would have known that Eve was the right one for him.

Next quote: "It is easier to justify promiscuity when you are exclusively committed to just one person, even if that commitment is only a week old."

Promiscuity exists because of lust and temptation, not because someone is committed to just one person. I have been in dating circles and courting circles, let me share something they have in common: the temptation to go too far physically. Don't blame dating or courting. Blame your flesh, that's what the Word of God blames.

"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am being tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death" (Jam 1:13-15). 

Let's dissect these verses a bit and see what God says leads to temptation and then sin, which in this case manifests itself as promiscuity.

God says first not to blame Him. Sounds good to me. Then He points out each person is tempted when he is carried away because of courtship and because they are committed to just one person... oh wait! No! Each one is tempted when he is carried away by HIS OWN LUST. See, therein lies the issue: YOU. YOU ARE FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED. You have this enemy called the flesh. You are born with it. It is continually enticing you to go agaist the work of the Spirit in your life. Don't blame courting. Don't blame dating. Don't blame your parents. Don't blame your genetics. Blame your flesh. You are fundamentally flawed.

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life" (Pro 4:23).

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "Your heart is deceitful."

Jesus said, ""For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man..." (Matt. 15:19-20).

Your heart is the issue... YOU are the issue. You need a new heart, not a new system, not a new program, not a new list of rules...A NEW HEART. Don't fret! You don't have to try and manufacture this new heart. You don't have to work for it or sign up for some 12 step program. God is in the business of giving new hearts to those who receive His Son!

God said, "I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations" (Eze 36:26-27).

Another quote: "Recently I have seen a spike in divorces amongst couples who courted. I have a few theories as to why this is. Young people whose parents often maintain veto power on all of their decisions are then expected to make this most important decision without any experience in good decision making. They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse. How can you know what personality you fit well with if you only go out with one other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain."

There has been a spike in divorces amongst ALL married couples, not just those who courted. His theories as to why there is a higher divorce rate is another form of blame shifting: it's not the fault of the couple divorcing, courting is to blame! Surely if they dated they would not have divorced! Divorce is a result of sin not a result of not enough taste testing.

Scott and I have counseled many couples that were considering divorce. Here is what they had in common: sin. Here's what they they did not have in common: courtship before marriage. Once again, sin is the issue.

One of my main concerns with articles like this is it encourages people to blame the issues in their marriage on something (courtship) or someone (their parents) instead of their sin. They look to divorce as a way out of their "mismatch" rather than looking to Christ.

The second part of the quote that drives me crazy is where he discusses personality. Every couple is unique and therefore every couple has a unique personality. Every couple also, therefore, has the potential to experience major differences in personality. Things that will annoy you to no end are found in each personality. A "mismatched couple" is really EVERY COUPLE. We are all mismatched in some ways. 

Couples get divorced because of "irreconcilable differences." Every couple has irreconcilable differences outside of the grace, forgiveness and love that's afforded through Christ. For example...

My husband is very organized and efficient. I am very free spirited and unorganized. I have never lived by rules and he enjoys rules. This can lead to many "personality conflicts" (and sometimes does).  Here is what we don't let happen; here is what we don't say: "Well, if we would have dated more people we would have married someone that wasn't so mismatched." We DO say: "You know what, every marriage is composed of two sinners with two different personalities. If we have Christ in common though, surely we have all we need to have a successful marriage."

Matching personalities are not what is needed to make a good marriage. Christ is. Marry someone who loves Christ. 

The article is really long and I am about to make mine just as long so I will stop here with the quotes. I just want to conclude with something I have noticed in my life...

I got my degree in psychology. Something I noticed is everyone blames their issues on their upbringing, their circumstances, etc. That to me is what this article does. Many loving parents wanting the best for their children have chosen courting for their children. If their children court and later get divorced they choose to blame courting, because the alternative would have to be accepting responsibilities for their own decisions. This is the sinful nature that makes us want to shift blame. It began at The Fall and has continued since: "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate" (Gen 3:12). 

I have heard people blame everything on their problems. They're mean because their dad was mean. They're bad wives because their mother set a bad example. They went off the deep end and left the faith because their parents were too strict. They fell into drugs because their parents sent them to public school...or they fell into drugs because their parents home-schooled them, sheltered them too much...the list goes on... and on...and on...

People don't truly change - like permanently change - unless God has worked in their hearts. People don't forsake sin and choose Christ unless the Spirit living inside them enables them. It is only when people recognize they are sinners in desperate need of a Savior that they have good marriages. It is only by grace, and not by a system or set of rules that couples have marriages that glorify the Lord.

You are fundamentally flawed. You fundamentally need Christ.

You can read the second part of my response HERE.

My Relationship With the Computer Part 2

A few weeks ago I wrote THIS POST on my relationship with my computer. This is Part 2.

I was rather convicted by all the time I had spent at my computer while my children were living life around me. I took a break from facebook for about a month to see if it would help me spend more time with my kiddos and have a better kept home. It did both of those things. 

However, I am discovering that the internet itself is my only hobby. I really don't "do" any other extra curricular things... I don't sew, I don't do crafts, I don't even read (aside from the bible of course), I don't watch tv or movies and so the internet is my hobby. I love to read Christian women blogs and be encouraged and I love to encourage others on facebook... but it's important that these things don't happen at the expense of my family....

So, I am reevaluating and praying about my "boundaries" with the computer... and my smartphone. These things can supplement our lives and be of benefit but they can also be of great detriment when they get more attention than the ones we love.

Let me tell you a little something about me. I am extreme. And most of the time I hate it. It's annoying. Sometimes I am thankful for it because in many ways Christ Himself was extreme and so were many of the prophets. But for the most part it drives me crazy (and those around me too). The extreme part of me wants to say: "no facebook or computer or phone when kids are awake." The other side says: "can't you do these things in balance?" I am praying the Lord would refine this area in my life so that it brings Him glory in some way; even when it comes to my computer. I want to honor Him in all ways. The big, the small, the lived out loud and the lived within. May He be glorified with our hobbies, our families, our homes, our interests, our conversations, our hearts and yes, even our relationship with our computers.

What's It Like Living With YOU?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? What is it like living with you? What is it like to be in the same home as you? What is it like to share meals with you, share days with you, hours... minutes? 

Are you a joy? A burden? A blessing? Are you gentle? Is kindness on your lips or do you spew harsh words? Do you allow your circumstances to dictate your mood or do you allow your mood to be shaped by your God? Are you long-suffering or do those around you feel like they have to suffer long? I love the definition of long-suffering: "suffering for a long time without complaining : very patient during difficult times."Does this describe you? Home-life is full of suffering... some serious and some everyday kind of stuff. Home-life is difficult at times and requires patience and grace to the extreme in order to be lived well.

How would your family describe you? Who we are at home is who we really are. It is so easy to put on a show but when we are with family they see the real us. I am afraid mine might use these kinds of words to describe me if they were honest: selfish, lazy, controlling and impatient. Ouch. Thanks be to God though that He is always working! We must simply yield to the convictions He brings into our lives and work with Him to bring about the beauty He has to offer in the midst of our messiness. We have to be in the Word and meditating on it day and night. We need to be seeking Him and seeking growth in Him or we will continually slip into old habits and patterns (Rom. 12:2).

My hope is that my children will look back and think of living me as being more like living with a woman chasing after God and seeking to please Him in every way and less like a weary, grumpy, short-tempered mama who is "at her wits end".

These years with our children in the home with us go by so fast. We have only but a little while to be a joy to live with. Soon they will be off on their own, living in their own home and living with us will be a distant (hopefully enjoyable) memory.

Ask yourself often: "what is it like living with me?" and then ask the Lord to reveal to you the ways He needs to work in your heart and life to make living with you a pleasure and not a burden. 

May we be more like this woman: "She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]. She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her..." (prov. 31:26-28) and less like the other women described in proverbs as being: contentious, nagging and quarrelsome. 

Above all, abide in Him and cling to Him not only for your own sake but for those who live with you!  He alone is able to make you a joy to live with. 

My Relationship With the Computer

Relationship according to dictionary.com is: a connection, association, or involvement.

I don't know about you but I think I am too connected, too associated and too involved with my computer and not connected enough, associating enough or involved enough with my children, my home, my husband... my REAL LIFE.  

I have a burden for women and found facebook to be a great place to minister to them... but I was finding that my ministry to them was taking place over my ministry at home. Let's just say ministry on the internet was becoming a distraction. 

Isn't it interesting that God instructs OLDER women to teach the younger women (Titus 2:4-5)? I am thinking more and more that God might mean older women with no children left in the home or much older children at home because 1) they are not needed as much in the home and 2) the older women are to be instructing and training the younger women to: "love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands..." That is all ministry that must happen or can happen IN THE HOME (without the help/need of the computer).

If younger women are busy on the computer all the time they don't love their husbands and children as they should, they don't work at home with all diligence keeping it orderly and clean as they should and maybe even their husbands are losing out because they are so distracted and consumed with social media/the internet.

The computer basically can pull us in so many directions and can actually take us away from our children even if they are in the same room as us. You know what I mean, the all too familiar situation when one of your children is trying to get your attention and you keep shooing them away because they are interfering with another facebook chat or when you don't hear them talking to you or trying to show you something because you are entranced with another blog post on how to love your children. 

I often think of my mom now that she has passed away and all I have is memories; they are like little snapshots/photos in my mind. This is what I see: I see her at the counter top eating her white rice with Tabasco sauce, or I see her walking past me as I lay lazily on the couch watching tv while she is carrying another load of laundry to her room to fold, or I see her cooking in the kitchen (my mom was known as an amazing cook) and sadly I see her mostly as a drunk drinking one glass of wine after another. Those are the images in my mind. I naturally now ponder how my children will remember me... what will be the snapshots in their minds when I go to be with the Lord? Will they think of me in the kitchen? Will they picture me doing laundry? I fear they will picture me on my laptop. That is what I am so convicted about. The computer can make you think you are building relationships while the most important ones are losing out. I want my children to picture me playing with them in the front yard. I want them to remember me teaching them their school work. I want them to remember me baking with them in the kitchen or cuddling with them (not distracted) on the couch.

God has been challenging me greatly in this area and I am eager to change. I don't want to ignore this conviction only to regret it big time later. EVERYONE says: "Oh these years go by so fast." Why would I want to waste these fast years with my children on the computer? Last night when I was thinking about this post I came across this: http://www.wholeheartedhome.com/tips-clear-information-overload-wholehearted-wednesday-101/ and I really appreciated some of the challenging questions she asked in regards to our relationship with the computer/social media. Be sure to check it out! I am not sure what my "life-long" relationship with my computer will look like but here are some boundaries for me now:

1. No computer until I finish my bible reading. 
2. No facebook. 
3. No blogging unless kids are sleeping or out of the room playing outside or something. Basically no blogging when I am around my kids. (including reading blogs)

Three simple rules that will help me with my relationship with my computer but more importantly my relationship with my family.

Everyone has struggles, everyone has things in their life that distract them and pull them away from God's best. This is one of my struggles, this is one of those things I have to fight.  

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1. Do you go to Facebook (or one of your other social media platforms) first thing in the morning before making your bed or taking a shower?
2. Do you start scrolling down through your newsfeed on Facebook and forget why you got online in the first place?
3. On Facebook, do you feel obligated to listen to every single music or video clip even though you think they are ridiculous?
4. Do you have 6-8 email accounts that are jam-packed with pending or unanswered mail? (I have 5 email accounts, so this is not unrealistic.)
5. When you open your inbox, do you become anxious with “information overload” before you even open the email?
6. Do you lose track of time on Twitter, Google +, Facebook, or Pinterest as you stress over the avalanche of twaddle?
7. Do you find yourself compulsively eating junk food while reading online?
8. Are you becoming sadly behind on your dishes, paper-clutter, laundry, and undone projects, as you spend increasing amounts of time online?
9. Are you irritable with your husband and children? Snappy? Can’t look away from the screen when they talk to you?
10. Are you playing Facebook games?
11. Do you become frustrated from the electronic information you need to process daily?
12. Do you become overwhelmed because you can’t get to the blogs or e-books you’d really prefer to process?
13. Do you sit at your computer for more than an hour without getting up?
14. Do you constantly check into your social media accounts and email (even in the bathroom) because you are afraid you’ll get behind?
15. Are you subscribed to more blogs than you can possibly read and you feel bad when you finally delete them?
16. Has reading your Bible become dull and so boring that you tire after reading 2-3 verses?
17. Before making a decision, do you check with your online friends first before asking God for wisdom?
18. Do you read so many posts that you are skimming and hardly reading them, feeling like you have to comment, “Like” and “+1″ all those in your niche?
19. Is your Kindle app full of books you will never have time to read because you are inundated with the ever-flowing avalanche of electronic information??
20. Did you forget to hydrate with 8 glasses of water? Electronic devices dehydrate you. Did you realize that?
21. When you make it to the end of your day, do you feel really guilty that too much time was wasted online and you didn’t live real life?

- See more at: http://www.wholeheartedhome.com/tips-clear-information-overload-wholehearted-wednesday-101/#sthash.cBqYRrtW.dpuf

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1. Do you go to Facebook (or one of your other social media platforms) first thing in the morning before making your bed or taking a shower?
2. Do you start scrolling down through your newsfeed on Facebook and forget why you got online in the first place?
3. On Facebook, do you feel obligated to listen to every single music or video clip even though you think they are ridiculous?
4. Do you have 6-8 email accounts that are jam-packed with pending or unanswered mail? (I have 5 email accounts, so this is not unrealistic.)
5. When you open your inbox, do you become anxious with “information overload” before you even open the email?
6. Do you lose track of time on Twitter, Google +, Facebook, or Pinterest as you stress over the avalanche of twaddle?
7. Do you find yourself compulsively eating junk food while reading online?
8. Are you becoming sadly behind on your dishes, paper-clutter, laundry, and undone projects, as you spend increasing amounts of time online?
9. Are you irritable with your husband and children? Snappy? Can’t look away from the screen when they talk to you?
10. Are you playing Facebook games?
11. Do you become frustrated from the electronic information you need to process daily?
12. Do you become overwhelmed because you can’t get to the blogs or e-books you’d really prefer to process?
13. Do you sit at your computer for more than an hour without getting up?
14. Do you constantly check into your social media accounts and email (even in the bathroom) because you are afraid you’ll get behind?
15. Are you subscribed to more blogs than you can possibly read and you feel bad when you finally delete them?
16. Has reading your Bible become dull and so boring that you tire after reading 2-3 verses?
17. Before making a decision, do you check with your online friends first before asking God for wisdom?
18. Do you read so many posts that you are skimming and hardly reading them, feeling like you have to comment, “Like” and “+1″ all those in your niche?
19. Is your Kindle app full of books you will never have time to read because you are inundated with the ever-flowing avalanche of electronic information??
20. Did you forget to hydrate with 8 glasses of water? Electronic devices dehydrate you. Did you realize that?
21. When you make it to the end of your day, do you feel really guilty that too much time was wasted online and you didn’t live real life?

- See more at: http://www.wholeheartedhome.com/tips-clear-information-overload-wholehearted-wednesday-101/#sthash.cBqYRrtW.dpuf

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1. Do you go to Facebook (or one of your other social media platforms) first thing in the morning before making your bed or taking a shower?
2. Do you start scrolling down through your newsfeed on Facebook and forget why you got online in the first place?
3. On Facebook, do you feel obligated to listen to every single music or video clip even though you think they are ridiculous?
4. Do you have 6-8 email accounts that are jam-packed with pending or unanswered mail? (I have 5 email accounts, so this is not unrealistic.)
5. When you open your inbox, do you become anxious with “information overload” before you even open the email?
6. Do you lose track of time on Twitter, Google +, Facebook, or Pinterest as you stress over the avalanche of twaddle?
7. Do you find yourself compulsively eating junk food while reading online?
8. Are you becoming sadly behind on your dishes, paper-clutter, laundry, and undone projects, as you spend increasing amounts of time online?
9. Are you irritable with your husband and children? Snappy? Can’t look away from the screen when they talk to you?
10. Are you playing Facebook games?
11. Do you become frustrated from the electronic information you need to process daily?
12. Do you become overwhelmed because you can’t get to the blogs or e-books you’d really prefer to process?
13. Do you sit at your computer for more than an hour without getting up?
14. Do you constantly check into your social media accounts and email (even in the bathroom) because you are afraid you’ll get behind?
15. Are you subscribed to more blogs than you can possibly read and you feel bad when you finally delete them?
16. Has reading your Bible become dull and so boring that you tire after reading 2-3 verses?
17. Before making a decision, do you check with your online friends first before asking God for wisdom?
18. Do you read so many posts that you are skimming and hardly reading them, feeling like you have to comment, “Like” and “+1″ all those in your niche?
19. Is your Kindle app full of books you will never have time to read because you are inundated with the ever-flowing avalanche of electronic information??
20. Did you forget to hydrate with 8 glasses of water? Electronic devices dehydrate you. Did you realize that?
21. When you make it to the end of your day, do you feel really guilty that too much time was wasted online and you didn’t live real life?

- See more at: http://www.wholeheartedhome.com/tips-clear-information-overload-wholehearted-wednesday-101/#sthash.cBqYRrtW.dpuI am not sure what my life-long "relationship" with the computer will look like but for now here are a couple of boundaries I have set: 1. No computer until I have done my bible reading. (too often the computer/social media come before a Christian's relationship with God.)Those are my three simple rules. I think they will help my relationship with the computer and more importantly my relationship and ministry to my family.Everyone struggles in different ways. Everyone has to fight the good fight in different ways and make God and His calling on our lives a priority in different ways. This is one of my struggles and this is where I have to fight.  

Maybe you can relate? My friend shared this verse with me about this topic: 
 
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Cor. 10:13 

I am sure this temptation is common among many women. We are social beings and are looking to socialize to the extreme through our computer screen. Our children and husbands desperately need us to socialize with them. God is faithful! If He is convicting you in this area and you are looking for a way of escape AND WILLING TO FOLLOW THROUGH He will guide and direct you! Pray and seek His will in all things, even in your "relationship" with the computer/internet. 

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands..." 1 Thess. 4:11 

 

You can read the follow-up/part 2 to this post here: http://mrsscottlapierre.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-relationship-with-computer-part-2.html

Who Is Really At Work?

Have you ever wished you were in charge of everyone around you? Have you ever wanted to grab someone by the neck and yell at them to stop doing what they are doing or to start doing what you want them to do? Have you ever been frustrated and angry when someone you love keeps disappointing you and letting you down? Um, yeah, we all have!

Isn't it such a relief to know that true, eternal change happens in others lives not by our coercing/arguing/nagging/convincing? True, everlasting change is a work of God, not of man.

I love this passage from Ezekiel 36:25-29, notice how many times God says: "I will.." not "you will..."

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. I will save you..."

However, this doesn't mean that God won't use us to work in the hearts of man! He can and does work through people!

1 Thess. 5:11
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..."

Rom. 10:14
"...how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?"

The important thing is to preach, encourage, exhort and teach with His strength and His leading, not our own. Our own strength and leading only results in more disappointment and frustration. Apart from Him we can do nothing of eternal value. He is the One that causes the change, not us. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts, not us.

 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

 "When he [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict the world, and show where right and wrong and judgment lie. He will convict them of wrong..." John 16:8

I think Paul explains it well in 1 Cor. 6:6-7 "I planted, Apollos watered, BUT GOD was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, BUT GOD who causes the growth.…"

Quit TRYING to make your husband someone he isn't. Quit bossing your sister around because she isn't living the way you want. Quit nagging at your friend for her decisions. What would happen if we prayed for people as much as we talk at or about people? Do you change by the force of others around you? Is it not through a surrender to Christ and His power in your life? That is what brings change in your own life and in every other person's life as well. Leave the business of changing lives up to God. Allow Him to use you as He wills and leave the results up to Him.


p.s. as always, preaching to myself here :)

Television...

There are MANY views on television in the Christian realm. My point in this post is not to "stir the pot" but to encourage moms out there that feel guilty like I did about how they are using the television as their babysitter...

I had a love/hate relationship with the television as of just a few months ago. Thank God my husband stepped in and said: "Enough is enough." He wasn't condemning or mean. He just hated watching our children sit in front of the t.v. for hours... he hated "watching brain cells die"... so did I... but not enough to turn the screen off.

I loved the t.v. because it distracted my children... it decreased my involvement... it fed my laziness as well as my children's... I hated it for all the same reasons. I knew that I was pushing my parenting responsibility on to an inanimate object... sick...

I want to mother in a way that I will have the least amount of regret later in life. I know I would regret plopping my kids in front of the television for hours a day. I know I would never look back and think: "man, I just wish my children would have watched more television!"

So, as of now, they are allowed to watch it only when Scott and I go over his sermon and what they can watch is pretty limited.

I know a couple who are very condemning toward Christians who let their children watch any television at all and yet they beat each other up (literally) in front of the children often. Let us not be like that! Look at the plank in your own eye before removing the splinter from your friend's. And please don't judge people who watch cable when you watch "only netflix". Don't think just because you watch movies that you are better than those who watch t.v. shows. And please don't say "We don't watch anything on the t.v., we only watch stuff on our computer." As if a smaller screen is more holy? The weird comparisons Christians come up with sometimes to make ourselves feel better about our decisions is astounding.

The thing that I have learned the most from all of this is: our children are often capable of much more than we think they are. I remember thinking often: "Johnny just can't play all day. He'll never be able to do that." Well, let me tell you, Johnny is MORE than able to play all day! Just tonight he entertained himself (by himself since Rhea and Ricky were already in bed) with a wrapping paper roll (the center tube) and a tiny ball for over an hour. We will never know what our kids are capable of if we don't take different forms of "entertainment" away. Children played for hundreds of years without a television, why can't they now?

Thankful for the direction our family is going in regards to television. Thankful for what God has been teaching me and doing in my own heart through all of this. Thankful to think that I won't regret this area in my life later...

I would like to conclude with some interesting and yet disturbing facts:

*The average American (including both adults & teenagers) watches over four hours of TV every day, which is over two months of uninterrupted watching per year. This means that – at current usage-rates, the average 65 year-old American will have spent 9 YEARS of his or her life idly sitting in front of a television!

*Over two-thirds of all American families with children watch television while eating dinner “together”.

*The average American child spends roughly 28 hours each week watching television. In contrast, the average American parent spends only roughly 5 MINUTES each week in meaningful conversation with those same children.

*TV is so tempting that over half of all 4-6 year olds polled preferred watching television to spending quality time with their fathers.

*Every activity a child engages in during his busy day refines some set of skills. Reading is practice; writing is practice; sports is practice; engaging in fantasy games is practice; and interacting with people is practice. All these activities in some way help prepare a child for the challenges of adult life. Television is also practice, but not for any activity. Television is practice for inactivity. When children watch television they are practicing sleeping while awake.

Struggle #3-Perfectionism

This is part three of my five part series on common struggles that women face. To read about struggle #1 (clutter) go here. Or to read about #2 (loneliness) go here.

Definition of perfectionism: any of various doctrines holding that religious, moral, social or political perfection is attainable (when it's not!!). A personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that DEMANDS perfection and REJECTS anything less (kind of like the guy below). 

Someone once said that a perfectionist is a person who takes great pains and passes them on to others. Families with perfectionists for mothers suffer. Perfectionists have a hard time making and keeping friends. They are not very happy because they know they will never be able to live up to their own unrealistic expectations and no one else will either. Our unrealistic expectations (especially on our children) can very much affect them, because they feel they can never measure up. 

If the bible says no one is good, not one, then certainly no one is perfect, no not one, except the perfect Son of God.

This is actually something I don't struggle with... In fact I could probably use a big dose of perfectionism. In college I just wanted to get a C (or even a D). I didn't care. I just wanted the degree. My house is never spotless. But I try to keep it picked up. I don't stress about people seeing my place a mess (as if we don't all have messes at some point!) or me a mess.
 
If I am going to work on perfecting something I would actually like to work on perfecting my relationship with the Lord. It may be tempting to be perfect in ways that make NO difference in light of eternity. But we should seek and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Let's work on perfecting that :)

Perfectionism is an illusion ladies. Don't believe in it. Don't practice it. It's not real. Life is a mess. A big mess. But we have a big Lord. Do whatever you do as unto Him but always recognize that you are a fallen, wretched sinner in need of a PERFECT Savior.

p.s. something to keep in mind when working on cleaning your home, organizing your home, "perfecting" your home/schedule is to keep your husband in the forefront of your mind. Talk to him. Ask him what he thinks is important. I have met so many women who spend so much time on things that don't matter to their men! Check in with him. Don't waste your time and energy on things that he doesn't even notice/care about. The bible calls wives to adapt themselves to their husbands. If it's important to him, make it imporant to you.
 
For example (this is beginning to be a long p.s.... oh well, we all know I'm not a perfectionist!), Scott likes the area by the microwave to be clean, he hates seeing dvds laying around, he doesn't like a lot of coats hanging on our coat rack (he says its for guests coats :)... He doesn't notice if the kitchen floor hasn't been mopped in a week, if the there are dishes in the sink or if I make ridiculously simple dinners all week. 

Find out what your guy likes and focus on that, not the other stuff. :)