Why Back To The Future Made Me Want More Kids

Who remembers the scene in Back to the Future when Marty McFly's siblings started disappearing out of a photo? (I couldn't find the actual scene but I did find someone showing the photo) I didn't realize when I first watched it as a kid what impact that scene would have on me as a grown adult/mommy.

After three very difficult, sick pregnancies Scott and I decided (mostly after me nagging him to death) that it would be best for us to stop having children and look into adoption instead. So a few short months after our third baby was born Scott had a vasectomy. 

A few months after the surgery this scene from Back to the Future popped into my mind... oh how I tried to forget it... but I couldn't... I just kept thinking of the children that were being erased out of our family photo because of our decision. 

Here's the good news: By God’s grace this decision was ‘reversible’ for us. Sadly for others, that hasn’t been the case. So after much prayer and support from our wonderful church, Scott went ahead and had a reversal! 

About 5 months later I found out we were pregnant again!!! We were both so joy-filled and yet I was also so scared. My pregnancies were terrible, even landing me in the hospital because of dehydration from constant puking. I was resolved though to trust God and research more on how to combat hyperemesis. 

I have had much success improving my pregnancies!!! We are now in the middle of my third reversal pregnancy. I can't believe we almost missed out on having our sweet Carebear (Charis), Chloebug (Chloe) and now little Noah. We almost missed out on three wonderful gifts and hopefully more to come!

Last night we received some wonderful family photos that we had taken about a week ago and I couldn't help but think back to that scene again in Back to the Future. Praise God Scott and I have our arms full (and my womb full) in this picture.

Being Someone You're Not For The Sake of Your Marriage

Do you ever feel like you have to be someone you're not in order to have a good marriage? That's ok! In fact, I would say, that is a good place to be!

The less I am "myself" the better my marriage goes and therefore, the better my life goes. Myself wants to dominate and control. Myself wants things my way. Myself wants to put forth the least effort and fully give into my flesh. Who I am in Christ however, who I am when I die to self, wants to give the other person their way, wants to submit to my husband in all things (Eph. 5:24) and fully give myself over to the Spirit.

Our marriage should constitute (after our relationship with Christ), the most important relationship in our lives. What are you willing to give up for that relationship? What are you willing to sacrifice? Hopefully we are willing to sacrifice our wants, wishes and desires in order to have the best marriage possible.

Now, before you start throwing tomatoes at your computer screen let me explain. "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20. Did you catch that? You aren't yours. You don't belong to you anymore if you are a follower of Christ. You belong to Him and He calls you to adapt to your husband. He calls you to submit or put yourself under him and that is going to call for a major, difficult changes for most of us... I would dare say, for all of us. 

Many of us wives spend so much time worrying about what our husbands aren't or are doing that we lose track of what God has called us to do!

Now maybe you have a super passive man and you don't feel this as much. But in some ways I bet you have to work super hard (not be yourself) and let him lead how he wants (which might look like not leading) and deny your desire to control. Or maybe you are married to a visionary man that has you on a constant roller coaster ride, learn to enjoy the ride. Learn to let go and be someone you're not in order to support your man in a way that seems so foreign and scary to you. Remember, your job is not to make sure your man is doing everything right, your job is to be obedient, respectful and submissive... you better believe that calls us women to be someone we aren't :) Maybe you are married to an organized, leader-type and efficient man like me and you are anything but organized and efficient. Maybe you feel like me and that you have had to be someone you aren't in order to bring the most peace and joy into your home... and that's ok! God calls us to a life of self-denial. Every Christian has to be someone they aren't in different ways in order to bring the most glory to God. 


Now hopefully you picked a godly man to share life with that will also experience this push to be someone he isn't in order to love you as Christ loves the church. But if you didn't, that doesn't get you off the hook for doing your part when it comes to obeying God and His calling on your life as a wife.

Proverbs 12:16 says: "A fool’s wrath is known at once, But a prudent man covers shame." Some of us wives are acting as fools letting our wrath and whatever else we are feeling be known at once because we believe in fully being ourselves! But the verse goes on to say a prudent man or in our case, a wise wife, covers shame. The word here in greek means to hide or conceal. Sometimes the best thing for us to do, the wisest thing for us to do, is hide or conceal ourselves. Be someone we aren't. The most miserable wives are the ones who refuse to hide or conceal or deny. The most miserable wives are the ones who are so busy fighting for their rights and being themselves that they forget the ultimate goal of marriage is to bring God glory, not themselves. 

So stop fighting against that push to be someone you aren't... instead embrace it! Claim it as if it's something you want because you know that in the long run it will make for a more peaceful home and marriage and therefore life!

Fighting Hyperemesis for the Sixth Time

When I found out I was pregnant this time I must admit that I wasn't afraid because I thought I had found the answer to my extreme morning sickness issues: a low carb diet. I was so hopeful and excited! I had been doing it faithfully for about a month before I got pregnant and continued into my pregnancy. At 5 weeks I still had not thrown up or felt extreme nausea (just minor nausea if I hadn't eaten) and I was feeling pretty confident...but still afraid of that 6 week mark. That is usually when it hits pretty hardcore for me.

Lo and behold, I was 5 weeks and 6 days and sobbing in bed because it hit me like a tidal wave. I just laid there filled with disappointment and fear and sadness. All the old feelings came back from the previous five pregnancies.

Now don't get me wrong. My first three were by FAR worse. Throwing up so much I would throw up blood from my stomach lining. That hasn't happened the last three pregnancies. The part I am not sure of is: are my pregnancies improving because some women who struggle with hyperemesis get better with each pregnancy or because I am understanding hyperemesis more and more with each pregnancy? Not sure.

Here is my post from my last pregnancy on tips for morning sickness. I stand by each of those tips this time as well! I only take about 1/2-1 zofran pill a day. So that is super good. I broke the tiny pill up into quarters this time and I am so glad I did! I know there are many lawsuits out on zofran and I want to take the bare minimum.

So, guess what though?! This time, my sixth time fighting hyperemesis, I have only thrown up like 3 times and I am pretty sure that is because the stomach bug was going around our house at that time! Crazy. So what changed? Not much really. But I did one thing MORE that I think made a difference.

I rested a lot more. I STAYED IN BED EVERY MORNING UNTIL 9:30 OR 10:00. Sounds like such a simple thing but I truly believe it made all the difference. Here's the sad part. I fear that some of my hyperemesis friends don't have the luxury I have in being able to do this. My husband is able to go in later to work and just stay later at work. I have a 7 and 8 year old that are a BIG help. And I have inlaws close (about 3 doors up the street) that can help too! If you struggle with hyperemesis I HIGHLY recommend figuring something out where you can do this.

We did hire a couple young ladies from our church to come a couple mornings so that Scott could get to work. That may be an option for some of you. Do you know of a family with young ladies that could lend you a helping hand in the morning? I highly recommend having a plan BEFORE you get pregnant. Simplify your morning routine. Have your older kids understand how much life will change when you get pregnant. And stay in bed.

I would just lay there and Scott would bring me my peanut butter toast and I would suck on my apple sauce packets. Every night I fill three of these with no sugar added applesauce. I eat them through out the night when my nausea wakes me up and it's perfect because I don't have to move much to eat it... you just kind of suck it down. In the morning there is usually some left and I finish that while my husband gets me my toast. And then I lay there for 2-3 hours. I don't drink ANYTHING until after noon. Fluids make my nausea worse.

After I get out of bed I move to my recliner and "run the house" from there. With homeschooling with ACE curriculum I just assign my big kids 4 pages in each pace and then have them bring them to me when they are done to correct them. It's also good just sitting there because I am fully available for questions and teaching.

The worst of my nausea seems to be behind me already! I started feeling much better and noticing that I wasn't taking any zofran around 14 weeks. That is early for me and very exciting. Some days are better than others but I am seeing glimpses of normal. People just don't appreciate normal :)

Hyperemesis is debilitating and depressing but as my husband and I have yielded our family planning to God  I am learning to embrace it as a part of my life for a while. Some people get terribly sick and that's all they get. I get sick and get a wonderful new life added to our home. I have learned to appreciate the ability to move around and clean a house more than others who haven't experienced this form of suffering. I am thankful.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments. I find great joy in encouraging mamas with hyperemesis. 

Are Your Kids Doing Your Job Mama?

I have been sitting A LOT the last 7 weeks. My morning sickness started at about 6 weeks and I am 13 weeks now. It usually lets up around 17 weeks. I am so looking forward to being on my feet more and being about my normal day to day activities and chores! I hate sitting around like this. But I am thankful for something it has caused me to contemplate.

I am sure you have all heard the saying: "Good parenting is working yourself out of a job." While I get the gist of it, I don't like it overall. Here is why. It feels like I have been out of a job these last 7 weeks as I shout orders from my recliner. I feel like this lazy woman (I know, I'm not...but it FEELS that way) barking at my little servants to do... my job.

We SHOULD train our children. They SHOULD be helping us because they live at home too and should be contributing when it comes to it's upkeep. BUT I am noticing something that is happening. I feel like more and more moms are spending more and more time on their computers/i-phones and less and less time keeping the home. Which we are commanded to do.

"...encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, WORKERS AT HOME, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

"So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to MANAGE THEIR HOMES and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." 1 Timothy 5:14 

When we aren't keeping and managing the home we are allowing the word of God to be dishonored and we are allowing the enemy opportunity for slander. 
Keeping the home WELL is no joke. There are many things that can be done everyday to make our homes run more smoothly and efficiently. We as the managers and keepers of the home are deciding everyday how well our homes will run and how chaotic and messy our homes will be. 

In a day and age where we have so many conveniences (dishwasher, vacuums, washer, dryer etc.) there is really no excuse for a home to not be managed/kept well. Some of us, myself included, need to be asking: "Are my kids doing my job?" The Lord has not called our children to manage and keep the home. Yes we should be training them and it will bless them later in life if we do so, but we should never be barking orders from our sofa all day with the laptop and i-phone in front of us because we are too indulgent and selfish. If our homes are falling apart it's on our shoulders.

I will be the first to admit I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to keeping the home. My poor mother always worked full time outside the home and she never really gave any thought to training us. I am starting from scratch AND I am a very un-organzied person by nature. But I know God wants me to keep my home well and so I know He will answer my prayers to be a better at it. I pray to Him for wisdom on how to be the best keeper of the home I can be.

Don't embitter your children toward you. Don't make them question if mom is training them or just being lazy. We are called the keepers of the home and we need to live up to that title. 

I Get My Groceries Delivered AND Save Money!

I love Safeway. I like their quality. I like their options. I just don't like their prices. But here's the good news! I have figured out how to shop at Safeway, get my groceries delivered for free, get a dollar off a gallon at the gas station AND save 25-45% off my grocery bill EVERY time!

Here's how I do it.

1) Go to http://www.safeway.com/.

2) Sign up for: Just For U and for grocery delivery (you will have to sign up for both separately).

3) Go to Just For U and "clip" coupons. It doesn't get much easier than this! You just push the button "add" and it's put on to your account! Easiest couponing ever! ALWAYS look for a 20 cent gas reward coupon. This means for every $100 you spend you will get 20 cents off a gallon. (sometimes even more!) I also just saved $10 off on frozen pizzas with my just for u coupons!

4) Go to your grocery delivery account.

5) Look for the promo codes that you need. Obviously you will want the one for FREE DELIVERY. This will mean that you have to purchase at least $150 worth of groceries (which is easy for me because I shop about every 1-2 weeks) and purchase 5 items from a list. I only buy 5 items that are on sale. Look for other promo codes that apply to your shopping list. For example, I had cereal on my list. I found a promo code that said: Save $3 when you purchase three of these cereals. I looked through the list to find ones that were already on sale. That means I got three bags of cereal already on sale and then an additional dollar off each one with that promo code. All with the push of a button from my comfy chair in the living room! :)

6) Always be sure to check out the buy one get one free sales. You can't beat that.

7) Next click "online savings" and click on "club card specials". Go through your list and only buy what is on the card savings. Always check what items are per ounce to make sure you are getting the best deal. My shopping list sometimes evolves as I shop online to get the best deals. Sometimes I don't get something on my list if it's not on sale.

8) Go to checkout after you have gone through your list and accrued at least $150 worth of groceries and enter your promo codes. Then pick a delivery time. (they have only been late for me once!)

It's like a mama of five littles dream come true!! Someone does the shopping in the store for me, loads it up in the truck, brings it to my door at a time when I am ready for it! Doesn't get any better than that :)

I know some of you out there are like: "I save way more money going here, there and everywhere." It's just not worth the few dollars I might save to drive all over the place wasting more gas and time. Time is a PRICELESS thing for me right now as I am pregnant, homeschooling and keeping a home.

So whatcha think? Gonna try it out?!

Go To Church

We've all heard it: "I don't GO to church because we ARE the church." I get it. I know the body of Christ is the church. But saying: "I am going to the corporate gathering of believers" is too long so we say "I am going to church". Many now say: "I don't go to church anymore. The church left me wounded. It's full of hypocrites."

Here is my response to that. Everyone is wounded in life. Family wounds us. Friends wound us. Church wounds us. Life wounds us. That doesn't mean we check out of all those things. Being hurt is part of life. Those who grow and mature from it are happier in life than those who "just can't move on". 

Being a pastor's wife the last five years has greatly increased my appreciation for the local church. My appreciation for GOING to church...consistently... week after week has grown. I see a difference in the lives of those who sporadically go and those who come every Sunday giving of themselves and being given to.

There is a "movement" to leave church. To walk away. To "do church in homes like the first believers did". I have not seen the sort of accountability and church government I believe God desires in these home churches. There is almost a sort of pride that I see from people I know who are like this. They look down on us silly Christians that meet in a "building". Um... a home is a building too. Ours is just bigger and functions better for how many people come here. Jesus went to the synagogues often. Once Christianity came on the scene there were no church buildings because it had just begun.

I do see the benefit of meeting in homes. That's why our church has so many home fellowships through out the week. I see how they encourage closer relationships and I am thankful for them, but I also see the benefit of having a place to meet corporately. I see the blessing of having a pastor study all week and present the Word of God to us each week as God feeds His sheep through that man.

No local church body is perfect. Just like you aren't perfect. No local church body lacks in hypocrites but I am pretty sure if I asked those who live with you if you are ever hypocritical there would be a resounding yes. The church exists for Christ and His glory, not you and your feelings. Being plugged into a local church body of believers is a blessing not only for you but those around you! It is such a gift to be part of local body of believers that you can benefit from and that can benefit from the gifts God has given you.

Go to church. Go to a church that says: "Turn with me in your bibles to...." Go to a church where there is an emphasis on destroying sin and rejoicing in your salvation. Get plugged into a local body. It provides accountability and encouragement. It provides a place you can consistently go to and feel like home. It provides a family like you have never known.

One of the biggest gifts I have witnessed for myself and for those in our church is the sense of community that we have! Oh the joy to know that if you go through something tough that your church family will definitely be there for you. Oh the joy of mourning with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice. Sharing life with brothers and sisters in Christ is how God designed us to live and yet so many forfeit this.... You were not meant to live on an island by yourself. You and your family were designed to be living life with your brothers and sisters in Christ through all the ups and downs. You were meant to have relationships with people that endure and withstand all those conflicts and annoyances. 

Don't buy into the lie that you don't need to be part of a local church body. Don't believe that you are too good for all those churches that just "can't get their act together". You're pretty messed up yourself. Just like me and everyone else. 
Once you get plugged in, expect to be let down. Expect to be hurt. Expect to be disappointed. But also expect to grow and be challenged. Expect to be loved. Look for ways to encourage others and don't go to church with such a critical heart. Look for ways to bless others and don't just sit there waiting to be blessed.

Go to church. 

My Christian Friend Had Abortions...

We had our fifth ladies conference here at Woodland Christian Church last week. It was wonderful. The theme was "Finding Hope". I loved every minute of it. But there was one part in particular that was so very special to me. My friend shared "a testimony of hope". She shared how she had abortions and how God has brought hope into her life since then. I asked her permission to share parts of it! I pray it blesses, educates you and humbles you as it did me!

"Abortion has affected me in many ways. I'll start with how it has affected my relationship with God since that relationship has a ripple effect into every aspect of my life.

I have never felt fully forgiven by God, which ultimately has kept me a good arms length away from Him. I constantly asked for forgiveness and was continually repenting. I would talk about being forgiven because I believed what the bible has to say about His forgiveness grace and mercy. Yet I continued to feel like I was not fully embraced. Not intimately nestled under His wing as I know other Christians are.

If that's how I felt with my Lord and Savior, the most loving and gracious Being, you can see how that would pour over into every single relationship I have. Some of you may relate, some of you don't and some of you seasoned Christians know that the the problem lies with me and not Christ.

What changed? How was I able to allow God to fully embrace me as His forgiven, clean precious daughter? Well it's been a process and some of it is very fresh.

I remember the moment the scales fell from my eyes and I was clearly able to see that abortion was sin...murder to be exact. I read the Bible and went to church so I fully understood that I was forgiven yet it didn't set me free. I was constantly reminded of how much worse I was than all the ladies around me at Sunday school, Bible study, church, or even just hanging out.

Sometimes I would get mad (silently). Most of the time I just felt dumb. The best way form to explain it would be for you to imagine yourself sitting in a bible study (or at any event really) and you have chocolate pudding literally all over your face. You're trying to hang with the gals and be as normal as possible. Smiling, talking...yet you know you have pudding all over your face and that's all anyone can think about as we just muscle through our time together. 

That picture I just drew for you is just one ugly side effect sin can have on our lives. Me feeling that way has absolutely nothing to do with the ladies I'm hanging out with and has everything to do with me and my sin. Abortion goes deep. It has lasting and deep consequences. How could I ever be that close to anyone with chocolate pudding all over my face? right?!

My 17 year old daughter and I were on a walk one afternoon something struck me HARD that she said to me. It prompted this conversation. She was talking about her struggles and pains that she's endured and mentioned how much she always wished for an older brother that could have watched out for her or had an older sisters shoulder to cry on. She even went on to say that she didn't feel like she should have been the oldest but has embraced it and tried her hardest to be the older sibling she never had. 

My heart caved into my chest at that moment. I fought back tears and told her she wasn't the oldest. She did have an older brother and older sister. She looked at me with absolute shock. I had to confess that in my selfishness I took that away from her. I not only robbed her of the role God created for her as a little sister, I robbed her siblings of life. I went into great detail about how much abortion changes God's intended plans for generations. I explained that regardless of the circumstances, abortion is always a product of pure selfishness. Little did I know, that conversation would save my grandsons life 4 months later. All the glory to God!! 

All sins are not the same according to God's written word. The impact of them, the influence of them and the consequences are not the same. I'm not going to spend too much time on this because pastor Scott has broken this down really well in his sermon on abortion. You can listen to it on the woodland Christian church website. I really encourage all you ladies take a listen! 

Some of the highlighted scriptures are:

1st Corinthians 6:18

Hebrews 12:15

Proverbs 6:17

Genesis 4:10 

Numbers 35:33 

Psalm 106:38

Those scriptures were key in my healing process. No one wants to tell a hurting woman searching for relief from her own sin that her sin is worse than others, but the reality is my sin is much worse than others. I needed to acknowledge that so that I could fully embrace God's grace when He told me yes, your sin is worse but you are EQUALLY FORGIVEN!

That's when It broke. 

The crippling grip keeping me distant from God. I am equally forgiven. I am equally clean. I am equally precious. I wouldn't know this kind of grace and forgiveness if I wasn't going to church, willing to listen to God's word and accept the hard truth about myself and my sin.

His word has brought me true healing. True hope and real peace even though I don't deserve it.

1 John 2:2 says "He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins."

Atoning means to make up, as for errors or deficiencies. Obsolete. To become reconciled.

Romans 8:6 says "the mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the spirit is LIFE and PEACE."

I'm finally experiencing life, peace and healing that other women are searching for but keep missing because they believe the ear tickling lies of the world. These lies come wrapped in all shapes and sizes. Do not be fooled. Sadly some women are actually "shouting their abortions". It's a sight where you publicly and proudly shout out your abortion. This is a desperate attempt to feel justified in their sin. You get one or the other, self-righteous justification or humbly accepting a beautiful gift of gracious forgiveness that sets you free. I've been given such hope not just through my repentance but accepting His forgiveness.

If I could give a struggling woman one piece of advice it would be to make Christian friends. The advice and prayer a Christian friend gives is priceless.  Even though our past and our sins may be very different, we have something wonderful in common, we are equally forgiven sinners! We are equally loved by our creator.

I'll end with some unsolicited advice to Christian women who may not know they are speaking to a woman that has had an abortion.

DO:

Continue to speak out against abortion. Don't be shy about it. Its very important to stand firm in voicing what an atrocious and heinous crime abortion is. Talk about the biblical view of children. Talk about what a gift and blessing they are. Realize that abortion is a very spiritually evil act and please understand that an argument with a pro choice woman is one of spiritual nature not common sense that can't be hashed out with lots of words but rather prayer.

DON'T:

When you are talking about sin or making a point or comparison don't ever compare what they've done to murder. You don't know how many times I've heard the comment "Well it's not like you've committed murder" in a discussion about sin. And sadly yes I have and many others have as well. All that does is make us feel that much more unforgivable. That much farther away from God than others. So undeserving of His grace. And believe me, even as of right now I feel very unworthy of sharing any of this. Its such a battle to even speak about this. I'm only sharing this out of obedience to Christ and to bring hope and peace to others."