Not According To Plan

 
Today did not go according to MY plan.

3:30 a.m.- Charis wakes... MY plan: Charis wake at 7 a.m.

4:00 a.m.- get Charis back to bed.

7:00 a.m.-Blood drive people arrive at church fellowship hall (right next to bedroom window) and begin chatting and unloading all their loud equipment. MY plan: sleep in until at least 7:30.

7:10 a.m.-Kids wake up to phone ringing two times in a row. The blood drive people set church alarm off and needed help.

7:15 a.m.- EVERYBODY is up. NOT MY PLAN :)

7:30 a.m. - I decide since I am sleep deprived that I want to be mean to my husband. Not a good plan. Especially since it is supposed to be his day off... who wants to spend their day off with a crabby wife?

 
8:00 a.m.- Decide to be nice to my husband and we have a nice chat while kids run around and make a mess and I pretend they aren't. That was not part of my plan. But it was nice!

The times start becoming a blur after this....

Some time a little later-Scott goes and donates blood. Ricky follows.

Around 11 a.m.-Friend comes over. Him and Scott talk forever (okay, not forever, but close). MY plan: spend family day together at park... or at least have daddy take big kids to the park so I can clean.

12:00- Scott realizes he can't take kids to the park so we settle for a picnic in backyard. NOT my plan.

1:30-Scott gets ready to go to office. DEFINITELY NOT my plan on his day off but because he is doing something special with kids all day Saturday while I host a ministry event at my house he has to go. I am left with four crazy kids to myself. Not my plan.

Things get blurry again :)

I notice Johnny isn't napping... not good. Not according to plan.

4:30- Charis wakes up and I am desperately trying to keep Johnny awake so he doesn't fall asleep at 5 and wake up at 4... Mission somewhat failed: he fell asleep at 5:45... still not my plan.

5:45- Johnny is passed out on floor, Ricky starts sniffling like he is getting a cold, Charis won't stop crying and has a cold, daddy is still at office... can you guess?! Not my plan!

6:30-nurse Charis again to try and get her to sleep. company comes over while I am in back. Ricky wakes up Johnny which throws him into a screaming fit I finally get him to go back to sleep... Not my plan.

7:00-Lay Charis down, company leaves. Tell Ricky and Rhea it's bed time (they usually go to bed at 8:30... but NOT TODAY! I like that NEW plan. :)

7:30-Realize Charis is still crying. Go in room to see she has had a...for lack of a better term... poop-explosion. We don't have a bathroom to bathe her in right now because we are remodeling so while I hold her in one arm getting poop all over me with her screaming I take the baby tub and put it on kitchen counter and fill it with bowls full of water from the kitchen sink... I realize I didn't get a washcloth so I grab a bib and she starts screaming because I forgot a towel and so when I took her out she was freezing. Get a diaper on her asap and nurse her again. lay her down. I think she is finally sleeping.

I am still in pajama clothes and haven't showered and never got around to putting on mascara... ALL OF THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN.

But it was probably His plan. His plan is always best. His plan refines me and makes me more like Christ.

"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

This verse blesses the very depths of my mama soul. I have LOTS of plans every day... and my day never seems to go just as I planned. That's a good thing.

Motherhood in general never seems to go as planned and I think that is just the way God planned it. You see, He knew we were controlling (Genesis 3:16) and what better way to break a controlling spirit then to ruin it's plans?! He knows best. What do I know?

Motherhood is all about sacrifice. Sacrifice of sleep. Sacrifice of pride. Sacrifice of CONTROL. The sooner we realize and accept this the more we will enjoy motherhood.

Let go of your plans and allow His plan to work in your life and in your heart. He can do great things with a humble mama.

How do you do it all?!!!

I often hear this: "How do you do it all?!!!" First of all, I don't. Second of all (BIG disclaimer here) I am not saying if you do these things that you are bad, wrong, etc My desire is to simply give some practical tips on how I "find time" :)  Even though I don't "do it all" I thought I would share with you some things I do and don't do that free up time so that I can do things that I think matter most.

A friend wrote me recently and said: " I don't know how in the world you find time to write, post, blog, read, encourage with all your kiddos...Most days I barely have time to eat." Unfortunately, I ALWAYS find time to eat. :) But "find time" is an interesting saying, isn't it? Do we find time? Not really... In a way time finds us. We can't escape it. We all have a certain amount of time... 24 hours... EVERY day to do whatever we CHOOSE. There is the key, we choose what we do with our time. Each minute is so valuable. Ephesians 5:16 says: "Make the most of EVERY opportunity in these evil days." We are either spending our time investing in this life or the next. When you do EVERYTHING for the Lord you are investing in eternity because what we do FOR HIM lasts forever. Now that's cool. Colossians 3:23-24 says: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Good stuff. Convicting stuff. Encouraging stuff.

1. WE DON'T LIKE SPENDING MONEY.  What does buying things have to do with having more time?! Well, if you don't go somewhere to buy things you are saving time. Shopping takes lots of time. Buying things often means clutter. Clutter is stuff that takes your time. Everything we buy becomes something else for us to take care of, to clean, to find a spot for... Everything we buy takes our time. When you don't buy much of anything you have more time!

2. WE BARELY GO ANYWHERE.  We live next to the church where my husband works and where the majority of our social functions happen. Not all of you have this luxury I understand. We (my husband and I) are homebodies anyway and so we aren't tempted to go places anyway. Just to give you an example of how much we are homebodies I will tell you this: our van showed that we should have gone in for an oil change a YEAR AGO because that is when the average person would have traveled 3,000 miles. We were at like the 2,000 mile mark. Driving places takes time too. The less you drive the more time you have to do other things that you decide matter more.

3. I DON'T READ BOOKS. (or at least finish them). Books are great. I love books. I just never finish them. I try and get out of them what I NEED. They are a resource but I don't want them to be a "time sucker". Use things like books, don't let them use you. There is so much good stuff on the internet too that often puts into a shorter form what books are trying to portray. There is SO much info on homemaking, recipes, being a godly wife, a good mom, commentaries etc. that are on-line in a condensed form. And remember if you don't buy it you don't have to shop for it and it won't clutter up your home and give you something else to clean up and therefore you have more time!

4. WE HOME SCHOOL. Homeschooling frees up time in some ways and takes it in others. Obviously I have to take time to teach my children. But this is one of the things I decided is WELL WORTH MY TIME. It frees time up because we don't have to get up and going and out the door and driving somewhere. We are at school all the time :) My kids have more time too because of it! Getting done with school work by noon frees up lots of time (having no homework helps too!)

5. AS OF NOW, WE DON'T DO SPORTS. Sports seem to be a major time sucker for lots of families. Which is fine if that family has decided that that is something that is very important. Scott and I have discussed sports at length. We are thinking of letting one child pick one sport a year. That way we can go as a family and support that child. We also want to teach our children to look at sports from an eternal perspective (just like we want them to look at all things in life). If and when we do sports we want our child to represent Christ well in their sport and to share the gospel/invite their teammates to church etc. How well our kids do in sports has no eternal value unless we seek to do it for the Lord and I doubt He cares if we take first place or not.

6. I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST. (sometimes I wish I was a little more than I am :) I think perfectionists have a tendency to spend a lot of time on things. They want it to be perfect after all! I am happy with things being done. Just done. Not perfect. Take this blog for example. It is far from perfect. My goal is not to have a beautiful impressive blog, my goal is to encourage my sisters in Christ.

I am happy to have my house looking nice and picked up and but maybe not necessarily immaculate. We should do things well, because as I said earlier everything we do should be done for the Lord, but we don't want to be consumed by things just so they can be perfect. Don't be a Martha concerned about many things that don't matter in light of eternity. Be a Mary. Seek the Lord. Seek to serve Him and please Him. Don't seek to impress others.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”-Luke 10:38-42

Don't be a perfectionist. Be a Mary. Look to invest in things that can't be taken away from you. Things of eternal value.

7. I DON'T MAKE A FUSS OVER MEALS. I think some women spend a lot of time planning meals, cooking meals, cleaning up after meals. I keep things simple. Take today for example. I used one skillet to make the whole family scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast. For lunch the kids had peanut butter and chocolate chip (just a few :) sandwich on whole grain bread. For dinner tonight we are having leftovers. As long as your family is eating healthy I don't think it matters how fancy/complicated it is.
 
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit..."Romans 14:17


8. I DON'T HAVE MANY HOBBIES. This is a big one. I have seen many women get into hobbies and it takes over their time. I don't sew, play sports, make things etc. This frees up lots of time. There is nothing wrong with hobbies, just don't let them be another time sucker in your life. Now blogging is a hobby but it is one that I think has eternal value. Hopefully it is encouraging people in their walks with the Lord and I am excited for my children to be able to read it when they are older. I would have loved it if my mom did something like this for me to look back on and read! I also enjoy facebook and view it as a hobby of sorts but I see it as a eternal hobby because I am able to hopefully encouraging people in their walks with the Lord. Choose your hobbies wisely and prayerfully.

9. I DON'T TALK ON THE PHONE OR HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS MUCH. Need I say more? Going out even one day a week really puts me behind on laundry, house cleaning, time with kids, homeschooling etc. Talking on the phone does the same thing. I have plenty social time with all the activities at church, I don't need to add more to my plate.

10. I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY NO. This may be the most important. I don't know if it is a woman thing or what but we seem to struggle with telling people no. This is why it is so important to sit down with your husband and talk about priorities. What are you going to make your life about? What are you going to allow to take your time? Once you figure that out you can figure out what to say no to. 

11. I LOOK FOR WAYS TO MULTITASK. Multitasking gives us lots of extra time. Doing two things at once always helps! For example, if I'm on the phone (even though like I said I barely am) I try to unload the dishwasher, clean counters, clear the table, sweep etc. While cleaning the kitchen I always try to listen to a sermon or the audio bible. Look for ways to multitask.

We all have 24 hours. We all have time to find. We all have to choose what we will do with our time.  Be intentional with how you spend your time.
 
"Do you love life? Then do not waste time for that is what life is made of." anonymous quote 

Sorry about the button... I just couldn't help myself! :)

Reversing Our Decision

I read THIS post this morning and I was so encouraged by her story! It made me want to share our "reversal story".

Scott and I really struggled with the decision on how many children to have. I really think it is a bigger decision than deciding who you will marry. Let me explain. Who you marry will affect many (especially yourself) but how many children you choose to have determines if someone is born! And if you decide to let that someone be born then you are deciding for generations of others to be born! That is insane. Just sayin'.

I remember vividly standing in the kitchen doing dishes when Scott and I were in the middle of deciding to have a vasectomy reversal or not and I said to the Lord: "I just don't feel like I am wise enough to decide if and when life should come into this world." That was a turning point for me...

I have what is called hyperemesis, you can read about it here. Basically I am ridiculously sick throughout my entire pregnancy. I puke... A LOT and I am always nauseous, up till the moment they come out (I puke even through out labor). This is difficult. When Scott and I got married we said we would let God plan our family... that was before I had ever been pregnant and experienced what felt like death... ironically while my body was producing life!

After that first pregnancy I was greatly sobered... and scared! "I can't keep doing this!" I thought. How am I going to home school and have kids back to back and be sick and....? you get the point.

Well fear took over and Scott got a vasectomy. We never really felt perfect peace about it but we didn't see the alternative as a possibility... at the time.

Then we moved to a new town and became part of a new church with some families that let God plan their families and we were convicted... again. We really felt there would be a lot of support here if we chose to have the reversal and so we did!

Charis (pronounced: care-is...sounds like Paris with a C) was born in February (14 months after the reversal). Her name means grace and we really do see her as God's grace in our lives.
 
So thankful that we were able to reverse our decision and we are excited to meet whatever children the Lord decides to bless us with! I can't believe that sweet little Charis wouldn't be here if we had stuck with our initial decision!

Feel free to message me or comment with any thoughts or questions. I know this is a sensitive subject and my goal is not to offend but to encourage those who are considering reversing their decision.

A picture of our four kiddos with our sweet little Charis! (she is often the center of their attention :)

Our sweet little doll baby, Charis. Thank you Lord!

The God Who Sees You

"Sarah mistreated Hagar; so she (Hagar) fled from her (Sarah). The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert...And He said, “Hagar, slave of Sarah, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarah,” she answered. Then the angel of the Lord told her:...“You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery. She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

No one seemed to care about Hagar, no one but El Roi. El Roi is the Hebrew name Hagar gave God. It means, “You are the God who sees me.” Isn’t that beautiful?! I never tire of reading that…. "You are the God who sees me”.

A godly mother KNOWS the God who sees her. She recognizes He is always near. A worldly mother is only seen by God. She knows ABOUT Him but in her mind He is very far away.

He is the God who sees you! He sees it all. He sees you as much as if there were nobody else in the world for him to look at. Just as God saw Hagar He sees you. And if He can see you, surely he can hear you. This is why it is so perfect that Ishmael’s name means: God hears! She called on the Lord and named Him El Roi, "the God who sees me" and and she named her son: Ishmael which means "God Hears". Hagar knew her God as a God who sees her and hears her and we should too. Sometimes you may feel like Hagar. Cast out. Wanting to flee. Tired of submitting. But please recognize that you serve a God who sees you in your suffering and He is for you and will bless you for your obedience to Him.

Please remember also that God does not merely note your actions and He does not simply notice what is the appearance of your countenance like people do; He sees what you are thinking of; He looks within. God has a window into your heart. This should sober us and encourage us at the same time.

R. C. Sproul said: "There are many things in my life that I do not want to put under the gaze of Christ. Yet I know there is nothing hidden from Him. It would be one thing for Him to love us if we could fool Him into thinking that we were better than we actually are. But He knows better. He knows all there is to know about us, including those things that could destroy our reputation. He is aware of every skeleton in every closet. And He loves us."

He sees it all! Not just the big things but the small. Sometimes it feels like my day is filled with just “small things”. Changing diapers, wiping down counters, making pb&js, wiping snotty noses, breaking up squabbles, washing dishes, shopping, holding a fussy kid ...and then I start over again the next day.


God instructs us to not despise the days of small things in the book of Zechariah. He was a prophet and during his time there was a man named Zerubbabel. He had the responsibility to finish the work of rebuilding the temple. Things had been stalled, and Zerubbabel needed encouragement to carry on the work. Just like we often need encouragement to carry on our work. Zech. 4:6 says: “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.” Isn't that encouraging? The Lord would say the same thing to us as moms. It is by His Spirit that we are able to lay a foundation day in and out for our children even though at times it may feel like our work has stalled...or is not going as planned…or it is exhausting us emotionally and physically. It is not by our power or might that we can finish this great work. It is through our relationship with God and our utter dependence on Him that we can lay a foundation for our children.

Later on in chapter 4 vs. 10 it says: "Moreover the word of the Lord came to me, saying: 'The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this temple; his hands shall also finish it...For who has despised the day of small things?'" 


Just like Zerubbabel we are laying a foundation that our hands must finish. Day in and day out we pile small things on top of small things making a big thing. We may not be building an actual temple for the Lord but hopefully our homes are serving as a sort of temple for Him to dwell in. We are building and pouring into our children's lives for Him everyday.

 
David Guzik said: "When Satan tempts us to despise the day of small things, he shines as an outstanding liar because he fears the day of small things in our life because he sees what great things God does in them and brings out of them."

Our days are filled with small things moms! Do not despise them. They are laying a foundation for our children that remains for life.

Keep in the forefront of your mind that you are serving a God who sees you. He sees when you wash the dishes for the umpteenth time, or serve your husband when you would rather not, or patiently endure another day of sibling rivalries.

A few months back my friend Kandie sent me a great video that relates to what I am talking about perfectly. I wanted to share it with you all!

Watch it here!

You may feel invisible. But to Him you are very visible.

In closing I would like to share some encouraging words from author Sally Clark. She said: 

“It is not the grand, noble accomplishments that are the most profoundly valuable to God. It is the unnoticed, the invisible practicing of being faithful, courageous when no one else is looking, that become the jewels of our faith in the eyes of God.

Accepting a loud, boisterous child and seeking to be patient and gentle over and over again...Working beyond exhaustion and getting up in the middle of the night, again, for a sick child, when there was no one to help or anyone to be a friend. Enduring by choice the heavy burdens of the tests of marriage.

Cleaning up messes one more time. Making another homemade meal when a nap or getting far away seemed more desirable. Having one more devotional in the midst of wiggly, distracted children and believing that somehow eternity was entering their hearts. These, and more, are the noble and valiant, priceless works of motherhood. Take courage today. Your labor is not in vain.” 

You are serving a God who sees you.

A Godly Mother Part 7

#7) A godly mother trusts the Lord with her children. A worldly mother trusts in herself.

To see a lovely picture of a mother who trusted the Lord I would like to look at 1 sam.1:26-28. In these verses we find Hannah, she said: “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.”

Such a beautiful picture of how we should all be with our children. The Lord gave us our children just as He gave Samuel to Hannah. The bible says our children are gifts from Him. Can we like Hannah give our children back to the Lord? Entrusting Him with their lives, even their salvation? Can we say like Hannah:  my children belong to the Lord.?  This has been the most difficult area of mothering for me. I struggle trusting the Lord with my children more than any other thing I have to trust Him with…and my oldest is only 5 years old! Trust the Lord with your children's lives. 

A Godly Mother Part 6

#6) A godly mother disciplines her children in love. A worldly mother spoils her children.

Proverbs 13:24 says: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” 

The world tells us those who hate their children spank them but that’s not what God says. God says if you love them you will spank them.

This was one of Scott and I’s first disagreements. I had just gotten my degree in psychology and I decided spanking was bad. Scott said: “We aren’t going to spank our children because it’s what we want to do or because the world says it is a good form of punishment. We will spank because God tells us to do it and He said if we don’t we hate our children. He knows best.” That was a memorable moment.

I don’t discipline my children because I want to. I am NOT a disciplinarian by nature. I am a passive parent by nature. But I know passivity in parenting is not God’s best and so with my husband and God’s help I work at disciplining my children consistently and in love.

(We are in a "spanking season" right now with four kids five and under :)

I do find though that I rarely spank my four and five year old. Probably because they know if they disobey they will get spanked. Which brings me to another point, don't make empty threats! Be consistent! That is so important. I find sometimes on days when I am in a bad mood that I will spank more... how horrible!! I should spank consistently and in love. Not because I am in a bad mood.

Discpline your children consistently, in love, because you love them and you wants God's best for them.  

p.s. never spank a child for being a child (spills/accidents). Spank a child for disobedience/rebellion.

A Godly Mother Part 5

I love this drawing. It screams contentment to me. Look at the smiles on their faces! There is much in this picture to be discontent about but this sweet family is choosing contentment! 



Paul makes it clear in the book of Philippians that contentment is LEARNED. All of us must learn to be content because we are bent toward discontentment. We don’t have to learn discontentment. It comes very naturally. I think discontentment is what led to the fall. Eve was not content with what she had. Many of us are like that. We have to pursue contentment and learn it! It will not just come our way. Everyone has reasons to be discontent. The difference between content mamas and discontent mamas is not that the content mamas have all sorts of things to be content about it's that the content ones pursue contentment and look at what they do have and not at what they don't have. CHOOSE contentment today!

1 Tim. 6:6-8 says: “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.”