My Second "Non-Babywise" Baby

My sweet Chloe was born on December 6th 2014. She was my second homebirth (you can read about my first homebirth here). The birth went as expected: lots of pain followed by lots of joy :) oh and p.s. this was the first time I didn't find out what I was having and it definitely was NOT all it's cracked up to be. Not doing that again.

Oh my goodness! How cute is my Chloe bug?!

I had decided when I was pregnant that I would do a "non-babywise" thing again with this baby as I had done with Charis. Now truth be told I was terrified (slight exaggeration) that I would change my mind... because... well... I do that A LOT. But yeah! I didn't change my mind and I am loving having my sweet Chloe bug on what I call: a go with the flow sleep training schedule. 

Now "go with the flow" and "schedule" don't usually go together. But I believe I have found a happy balance. Here are my tips on how to not have your baby screaming their head off periodically while also not losing your mind. 

#1. NEVER sleep with your baby. Alright, so I totally just lost half of you right there. But try it out! Sleeping with your baby trains your baby to sleep with you. Duh. But sleeping with you also means lots and lots of nursing and that can often mean no sleep for you or daddy or baby. Now, hey, if you want to sleep with your baby and that's what your husband wants (mine definitely didn't) then by all means go for it.

#2. Have a transition plan. My babies when they are first born are placed in the little bassinet and placed next to my bed. When they start to become more aware of their surroundings I transition them to a more private place like a bathroom or closet (big closet with good air flow) that is still close to my bed but far enough away that they don't see me. Around 6 months I transition them to the crib. Chloebug (her nickname) is almost 7 months so has been in her crib for about a month and it's going great! Now, by great, I don't mean: sleeping through the night. That, unlike babywise moms, is not my ultimate goal. I'll sleep later in life. I am able to nurse and go back to sleep and so it's not a big deal to lose out on sleep in 10 min. increments knowing that I am still in my own bed without a baby about 7-8 hours a night. Chloe usually gets up around 1-2 times in an 8 hour period. I nurse her in the dark and lay her right back down with her pacifier (I LOVE THE PACIFIER). Which brings me to number 3.

#3. Use a pacifier. There are so many oppositions to the pacifier that you can start to fear it's use. I didn't use a pacifier with my third and fourth child and they both still suck their finger (one is 2 and one is 5). Pacifiers can be taken away. Chloe has never shown "nipple confusion" and it never has hindered her nursing. Lastly, I taught her how to take it in and out of her mouth on her own so that I don't have to go in constantly and put it back in. You just practice when they are awake. Pacifiers have also been shown in helping preventing sids. Speaking of that, this is the first baby I have put on their back. I was not too excited about that but my husband insisted that I did and I was petrified of one of our babies dying from sids and us having to live with that if we had them on their tummies. One of my friends is a NICU nurse and she said she has never seen a baby come in who died from sids that was on their back... every single one was on their tummy... put that bit of info together with the fact that our friend's neighbor had just lost a baby to sids and they had the baby on their tummy. So I put Chloe on her back and swaddled her with one of these. It went fine and now she is swaddle free and rolling all around in her crib. I still lay her down on her back and she often chooses to sleep that way now anyway.

#4. Try feeding your baby whenever they wake up. This idea actually did come from babywise with it's: feed, wake, sleep routine. Chloe wakes up, I nurse her, let her "play" and then lay her down WIDE AWAKE. Now here's the deal though, for the first three months this rarely happens as planned and I am okay with that. I wore Charis (my first non-babywise baby) a lot the first three months and I did that a lot with Chloe as well. I was so afraid to wear my first "babywise babies" and was so pleasantly surprised that they could still sleep by themselves at night and that I wasn't training them to only sleep on me like I had feared. I never let Chloe and Charis scream like I did with my first three. I would do a "go with the flow schedule/routine" of: sleep, wake, feed, play, sleep. But sometimes I nursed them to sleep and sometimes I would wear them to get them to sleep during the day. By the time they were almost four months old I wasn't wearing them anymore and they were going to sleep happy! I never watched the clock but instead prayed that God with give me motherly wisdom to nurture, love and train my babies as He would have me do, not as man says I should. How did Eve survive without Gary Ezzo telling her what to do?! In fact, she didn't even have a clock! Oh. my. 

#5. Don't stress. Easy right? Ha! Yeah right! Stress is something we as people, especially a Christian people, have to combat daily. Stressing usually is due to a lack of trust in God but in the case of being the mama of a new baby it's often due to just not knowing what to do! It's hard to meet the needs of a little one that can't talk yet! It's hard to know why they are crying again and again. Mothering seems like something that should "come naturally" but just like many things in life, it is a learning process. For some of you though the learning curve isn't as severe because you were raised around babies, I wasn't. But I have found such a profound difference in mothering my fifth baby verses my first. Oh that I could go back and tell myself to chill out! I remember sprinting through the house as fast as I could to pick up Rhea (my firstborn) because she was crying. Now I understand crying is part of life. It's a part of my life as an adult and for a baby. I don't believe in letting my baby cry for long periods of time because frankly that's what "crack moms" do. Sounds harsh. But it's true! Crack moms don't tend to their babies needs and nurture them. Crack moms leave their babies to cry for hours. I have learned to enjoy this season more. Not freak out about crying and not let it go on and on. Now when I lay Chloe down I recognize which cry means: "I'm not going to sleep" and which one means: "I'm sleepy and need to fuss a bit". I enjoy my "go with the flow" mothering so much more than rigid scheduling! Life doesn't always happen on schedule and so pray and ask God to help you to not stress when things don't go according to your plan. Stressing totally takes your joy and prevents you from loving the baby season!

#6 Have a "security blanket" for them. I love my pacifiers and blankies. I pick out a soft blankie, preferably lighter so that it isn't too hot in the summer, before the baby arrives. I nurse them with it and lay them down with it. These come in so handy in the car when they need to settle down, at church, when they are upset and best of all at nap and bed time! 

Those are my 6 simple tips on how to "train" a non-babywise baby to sleep. Thoughts? Questions? Be sure to leave them in the comment section! Thanks for stopping by! 

Top 3 Reasons I Don't Blog Much

#1 There are A LOT of AMAZING bloggers out there. Thousands. In fact, there are thousands that blog about the very things on my heart: mothering, marriage, homeschooling, homemaking etc. They are better writers than me. More popular than me. More creative than me. Why in the world would I invest time in something when I know that I will never even come close to these wonderful ladies? 

#2 No one else is married to my husband. Sound weird? Well it's not. It makes perfect sense actually. I just had this thought as I was scrubbing the toilet in our guest bathroom. Lots of deep thinking happens during this activity for many of you, I am sure of that. Anyway, I was scrubbing the toilet thinking about how I would like to blog more and I thought: Scott would rather I be scrubbing the toilets. Well, my husband would like it if I was doing any sort of homemaking thing but that was what I was doing at the time of my epiphany. You see, I am married to a man that loves a clean, organized, clean (did I already say that?), noncluttered home. I am also called to be this very man's helper. The bible says I was made to help him and help carry out his vision for my home and his vision is very simple: teach and train my children and keep the home. Blogging is not at the top of his priority list and therefore it's not at the top of mine. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't mind me blogging and actually enjoys reading my posts but he minds if blogging comes before my children and my home (which it totally would if I invested in it more). Which leads me to reason number 3.

#3 No one else is the mommy of Ricky, Rhea, Johnny, Charis and Chole. Yep. Nobody else is blessed to be their mommy. I'm the only one. And when I blog I am not available to them. When I blog I am distracted... very distracted. When I blog I am missing out on watching them, training them, loving on them (unless I did it when they are sleeping which honestly is my best time to catch up on other things of greater importance). My children get one childhood and one mommy and I"m not going to miss it staring at my computer screen. 

I'm Going Back to School...

Well, that's what it feels like at least. You see, I spent 13 years going from kindergarten through my senior year and then I spent another 6 years getting my BS in psychology. What. A. Waste. OK, I know it wasn't ALL a waste. I did learn my alphabet and how to read. But as far as learning how to be a homemaker, mother and wife I learned nothing. Even my home economics class in high school has proven to be of no worth in terms of benefiting my current day to day life. 

I am putting myself back in school. I am studying homemaking, motherhood and being a godly wife like I am getting degrees in all three! 

Ladies, I am already seeing the fruit of this endeavor! As I am diligent in studying and putting into practice what I am learning, I am being blessed with visible fruit!

Why in the world don't we study for these major roles? Why spend so much time studying and investing in things that have little value eternally or even practically, for how we will spend most of our lives (as mothers, wives and homemakers). 

God addresses older women to train the younger women in Titus 2 to: keep the home, love their husbands and love their children (among other things). According to God these are the things He wants me to be trained in. These are the things He wants me to be investing in. 

That is why I am looking for Titus 2 women on-line to teach and train me! What a blessing to have so many godly women available to us 24/7 to train us in the things God desires for us to be trained in! We have no excuse.

I am by nature a very unorganized woman. This does not work out well for me when it comes to being a keeper of the home and training my children. There is hope though! With God's help we can change! If you are like me, believe with me that we can become organized! I have been praying that God would help me to think differently since that is how we change ourselves! (Romans 12:2) He is changing the way I think and He is using my investment in studying in keeping the home to actually keep it! 

Study the Word of God first and foremost, seek His Kingdom first and He will add unto you what you need. Don't neglect the study of His Word to study even good things like keeping the home, loving your husband and children. Read it first and then go to studying practical ways to live out His design for your life!

I feel a bit like a guinea pig for y'all! I am going to be checking in every once in a while over the next few months to share with you what worked and what didn't work. What was worth investing in and what wasn't. I will be sharing practical ways to better keep the home, love your children and love your husband.

Stay focused on these few things God has called you to ladies! Don't get distracted by all the things there are to pursue in this world. (For me this means no facebook :) If you are feeling overwhelmed cry out to God and ask Him to reveal to you what needs to be removed from your life to be able to carry out His will. Remember, there is ALWAYS TIME FOR THE WILL OF GOD. 

There is a lot at stake when we don't live out God's design. 

It actually says that His Word is dishonored. Let's honor God today and every day by pursuing His best and endeavoring to be excellent in the few roles He has called us to!

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.…" Titus 2:3-5

Morning Sickness Tips

Morning sickness. The. Worst. Thing. Ever. Okay... maybe not ever. But it is TERRIBLE. Especially when you have hyperemesis like I do where you can't stop throwing up. I was so sick we actually decided to stop at three children... but then reversed our decision!

I have been asked numerous times if I have any tips to help mamas suffering with "morning"/all day nausea. After five pregnancies with extreme morning sickness here are my tips: 

1. Eat. Eat. Eat. Really Katie? Eat? That's what you got for me? This really is the best tip I have. I remember with my first pregnancy I had no idea that eating was the main answer to combating my nausea. Who wants to eat when they feel like throwing up? I threw up so much with my first pregnancy I lost 20 pounds in three months and threw up blood because I had thrown up so much. My doctor gave me these nasty suppositories that made me feel drugged and tired all day (which I am sure is also what it did to my baby) but he never advised me to simply eat as often as possible. The main key with eating is to eat BEFORE you get too nauseated. For me, this meant going to bed with three bananas and eating them through out the night whenever my nausea woke me up. If you don't have morning sickness that badly I recommend having a banana by your bed and eating it first thing in the morning while laying down with your eyes closed. Don't get out of bed till you feel the nausea has gone away. Eat whatever sounds good. Don't worry so much about what is the healthiest those first few months. Just eat whatever you crave and can keep down. Worry about eating healthy later when the nausea has subsided a bit. I did Trim Healthy Mama this last pregnancy toward the end and only gained 30 pounds total. Ginger, motion sickness bracelets, probiotics etc. did nothing for me.

2. Rest. If possible, lay around... a lot. The more you move the worse you will feel. Remember, this is not forever and you are growing a human being. Even if you do nothing else all day that is a huge accomplishment! ;) If you have other littles, like me, purpose for this time to be about reading lots of books with the kids and watching beneficial movies/documentaries. Rest.

3. Zofran. If your morning sickness is as bad as mine you may have to take medication to keep yourself from going to the ER for dehydration. I recommend zofran as a last resort. They say there are no side effects but I have a feeling in a few years they will tell us it causes growth of a third eye or something. Take it if you must, but first try to eat and rest.

4. Unisom at night. Along with zofran this would be last resort but in those beginning months you can. Take one at night with a vitamin b6. It really helped me with my middle of the night throwing up episodes.

5. Drink diet coke. Ha. But seriously, this worked wonders for me. If you are scared of the aspartame drink something carbonated and prefereably with caffeine. The combination of caffeine and carbonation is great! Scared of the caffeine? Fine. Drink carbonated something :)

6. Focus on eternity. This is essential with morning sickness. Just ponder for one second what you are doing. You have a little eternal soul growing inside of you. Hello. That's crazy and amazing. What a gift! In the midst of great trial and suffering God is accomplishing something miraculous in your womb! With each nauseating moment ponder what He is creating and give thanks. He is able to encourage you through nausea as you focus on your sickness being temporary and your sweet baby living forever. These were the verses that I meditated on day and night:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24) Remember, even when you feel like you are dying physically that God is bringing forth much beautiful fruit through it. 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor. 4:16-18) Don't lose heart!!! Even though you feel like you are wasting away, God is creating life inwardly! Your sweet baby is being renewed and growing day by day. Your nausea is light in momentary in light of the eternal glory it is accomplishing which far outweighs all your suffering. Fix your eyes not on what you feel and see but on your sweet baby that you can't see which is eternal. The one "seen thing" you should fix your eyes on is your other children (if you have some). This helps me immensely because it reminds me of what my suffering will bring forth! I would gladly go through nine months of nausea all over again for any of my children.

Lastly: "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5) As much as we all hate suffering, God thinks highly of it and uses it for own good! The suffering is not what we rejoice in but it is what suffering produces, and in this case it produces a wonderful, one of a kind child!! As well as, endurance, character and hope.

Those nauseating days seem to never end but they will. Your baby however won't. They will live on forever!

Below are pictures of what 45 months of nausea produced for me. :) 

My Sweet Ricky! Named after my dad. My second born.

Rhea (pronounced Ray-uh). Our first born child! We love our Rhea Grace!

Charis (pronounce Care-us... like Paris). Our fourth child and first reversal baby!

Johnny. Our third child. He is our special boy!

Our most recent blessing from God. Chloe. Now 3 months old! Our second reversal baby.

Can Your Husband Trust You In These Areas?

With money: Our husbands should be able to trust us with our

spending habits. We should be looking for ways to save and bless our homes financially. A frugal wife is a good wife. Does your husband have to wonder if you are buying things behind his back? Can he trust that you will always do your best to save when going to the store or mall?

With his reputation: How do you speak about your husband when he is not around? Can he trust that you will always do your best to speak only of his strengths and not of his weaknesses? The one exception for this is of course biblical counseling where you can share, still with respect, your husband's weaknesses/areas to improve in. Another way for him to trust you with his reputation is to remember that you represent him. You took his last name and in doing so your actions are attached to him. Two become one flesh. When in public keep in mind that his reputation is following you. Represent him well.

With your children: Can your husband trust that you are teaching your children in the ways of the Lord? If you home school your children, can he trust that you are being diligent in their educations? Does he trust that they will be more like Christ because they are with you? Mothers predominantly spend more time with their children than the fathers do and because of this your husband needs to be able to trust you with them. His heart should be able to rest when he goes to work in the morning knowing that they are in good hands.

With your time: This is a biggie. Can your husband trust that you will make the best of your time while he is away? Do you look for ways to bless him? Do you seek to keep the home in a fashion that is pleasing to him so that when he returns from work he is encouraged? Can he trust that you will not be selfish with your hours and spend them wisely or does he have to wonder if you will watch hours of television, talk on the phone endlessly or surf facebook all day? Can your husband trust you with how you invest your time?

With your thoughts: What do you think about? This is something your husband cannot see. This is something he has to fully trust you in. Do you purpose to think well of him? Do you pray for him, or do you constantly push rewind on all the things he does wrong? Does your mind wander to other men that would make better husbands or "the guy" you should have married? Don't go there ladies. All things start in the mind. Take your thoughts captive to Christ and make sure your husband can trust you with your thought life.

With his preferences: As wives we are called to submit to our husband. We are called to adapt to them. Can your husband trust that you are committed to this? Can he trust that you are making his preferences your preferences or do you make him feel stupid because he wants the shoes all put away or because he likes a certain area in the living room to be clutter free or because he wants the carport kept tidy? Don't make your husband feel like an inconvenience. Adapt to him. Make him feel like he can trust that while he is away at work you are doing your best to make his preferences your priorities.

With his heart: Can your husband trust you with his heart? Many men are afraid to truly share how they are feeling with their wives because they know it will turn into a fight or lecture. Can your husband trust you with his deepest thoughts? Can he feel safe when sharing with you how he truly feels or does he never venture there because you are more like his mother than his spouse? We should all be best friends with our spouses and one of the most important ways to be more of a friend to our husbands is to make them feel like they can trust us with their hearts.

"The heart of her husband trusts in her..." Proverbs 31:11

Learn To Suffer Well

I have discovered the secret to a happy life and I am pretty sure Joel Osteen would not agree with me. Here it is: learn to suffer well! The secret to a happy life is not to avoid suffering but to rejoice in it.

Anyone, whether a Christian or not, can be joyful when times are good... Anyone can be happy when circumstances are "just as they should be"... but it takes a Christian with deep and firm trust in the Lord to suffer well. It takes a Christian whose eyes and heart are fixed on Christ to smile in the midst of suffering.

I don't like to suffer. In fact my flesh hates it and continually craves to escape it's claws. But my spirit, who I am in Christ, beckons me to rejoice in my suffering and to count it all joy when I fall into various trials. This goes against everything in our old man and in our culture. Our old man and culture want comfort and security more than anything. God calls us to find our comfort and security in Him and not in our circumstances. This calling is only possible when we have truly surrendered to His will for our lives and when we have completely committed to setting our eyes on things above, not on things on the earth.

Recently, 6 weeks ago, I gave birth to my fifth child. What a joy my sweet Chloe is to me! But my pregnancies and postpartum recovery are not so joyous. They include lots of suffering and trials. I am sick my entire pregnancy, and then after nine months of nausea, I give birth only to feel like I am heading into a pit of anxiety and depression I can't get out of. My anxiety after birth is through the roof and I am crying up to 10 times a day... I had a dear friend come over recently and say to me: "Are you sure it's God's plan for your life to keep having children?! It's so hard for you!" I looked at her and said: "If you can find anywhere in the bible where it says that suffering and hardship are bad I will reconsider." But you can't find it. Nope. Instead you find that God uses suffering and hardship big time for our good. I enjoy those "happy go lucky" seasons just like everyone else but I know God does a lot more sanctifying through those trials and desperate times. 

I started asking myself, could Satan accuse me, like he did Job, of only praising God because things are going good? Could he say I only give thanks because I am not suffering?

"'Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.'" Job 1:9-11

In other words, Satan said: "Job only loves you because you have made his life comfy. If you brought great trials into his life surely his faith would be shaken and he would curse you and no longer praise you." But Satan was wrong.

Would Satan be wrong about you? If he accused you as he did Job, would his accusation be unfounded? Do you give thanks in all circumstances or do you give thanks in your preferred circumstances?

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:18

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Rom. 5:3-5

God has a great purpose for us in calling us to rejoice in our suffering and in calling us to count our trials as joys and here is the purpose: the more we practice rejoicing in suffering and counting it all joy to fall into VARIOUS trials and the less we practice moaning, groaning, whining, complaining and worrying in the midst of suffering, the more we will grow in our faith and the more endurance, patience and hope we will have! 

As we cling to Christ in the midst of tears our faith will grow and our hope increase!

Besides, Jesus Himself suffered GREATLY! Why should we be above suffering if God Himself came and suffered? 


"He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb. 12:2

"During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." Heb. 5:7-9

Christ's life was filled with persecution, abandonment, homelessness and great physical suffering. Notice how it says He endured the cross for the joy set before Him! It doesn't say He enjoyed the cross because He liked to suffer. No. He endured it because of what the cross meant. The cross and His suffering, meant YOUR salvation! His suffering meant hope for all mankind!

You and I are called to endure, to count it all joy and to rejoice in suffering, not because of the suffering itself but because of what the suffering produces. God accomplishes great things in suffering that never come out of joyful/easy/comfortable times, seasons and circumstances.

If you want a truly happy life, one that is happy in all seasons of life, learn to suffer well. Whatever suffering you are experiencing today, or in this season of life, remember to rejoice, to count it all joy and to endure it because you trust in the God Who is going to bring mighty things out of it. Your suffering will bring endurance, character, hope, maturity and perseverance and that is worth rejoicing in!

Talking to Myself 40 Years From Now

Life goes fast. Children grow up fast. That's what everyone says... every.one. And yet days can go by so slow and I can take this time for granted...

Sometimes you'll hear people talk about going back and talking to their younger self and what they would say and how they would instruct them... Sometimes I picture my older self talking to me now... What would I say? How would I instruct me? I'm guessing it would look something like this:

"Put your phone down."

"Close your computer."

"Go outside with the kids."

"Enjoy your children! Play with them more. Hug them more. Read to them more."

"Turn around and look Johnny in the eyes when he is talking to you."

"Hold Chloe close. She will only be this small for a few months of her life."

"Be understanding with Ricky. He's sensitive and needs you to be gentle."

"Watch Charis. Take mental pictures of her at this age. She is so cute and fun and will never be two again!"

"Encourage Rhea. Play another UNO game with her. I know you hate that game but she loves it and it means a lot to her."

"Sigh less and sing more."

"Help your husband. You are first called to be his helper. Don't ever treat him as an inconvenience. Helping him is your main calling."

"Don't nit pick but be picky about your battles with your husband. Make being married to you an enjoyable experience."

"Bite your tongue."

"Speak kindly."

"Remember, you set the tone for the home. Choose joy. Choose love. Deny yourself. Your children will look back and remember you as a joyful mama rather than a bitter, grumpy one."

"It's not that big of a deal." (whatever I'm making a big deal out of usually isn't).

"Exalt Christ in your day to day life. Don't look for 'big spiritual opportunities' to shine for Him. It is in the everyday that He is glorified the most."

"Show your children what it means to love God. Read His Word more and people's words less."

"Smile more."

"Pray more."

"Love more."

Father, help me to take my own advice. Help me to fully embrace and enjoy this season I am in RIGHT NOW. Help me to not take all of this for granted.

How about you? What do you think your future self would say to your current self?