All the Reasons I Shouldn't Homeschool

1. I am unorganized. My mind is everywhere all the time. I am planning something new before the last thing is finished. My house has little piles of lots of things all over that are composed of lost items desperately looking for a home.

2. I have a short temper. I lose it with my kids all too often. I am snappy and impatient.

3. I don't know much of much. Just today I was doing language arts with Rhea and I had NO idea that you use an before a word that starts with a vowel and a with a word that starts with a consonant. I got my degree in psychology but that means nothing.

4. I like my free time. I like to be alone. To read. To go for a walk. To take a nap. Homeschooling takes my time away. It is a big time sucker and I like to be selfish with my time.

5. I am not creative. I hate doing crafts or anything of the sort. The idea of coming up with a lesson plan makes me nauseated.

6. We don't have a lot of money. We have been single income ever since we had our first child 11 months into our marriage. My husband is a pastor... he isn't in the pastorate to make money :)

BUT.... I want to be with my kids! I don't want to lose that precious time with them! Everyone says: "Those years go by so fast!" Why in the world would I want to send my kids away every day for hours a day when everyone tells me this will go by so fast?

Let's address those six points:

1 & 5-I may not be organized or creative but there are lots of people out there that are! I am one of those that loves pre-packeged curriculums. Right now I am just doing letters, numbers and Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons with Ricky (4 years old). I am doing Timberdoodle's basic 1st grade curriculum with Rhea and love it!

2-I have a short temper but God is using homeschooling in all sorts of ways to help chisel that sinful part of me away. Don't run from something just because it conflicts with your struggles. God often uses those things in our lives in mighty ways if we let him!

3-You don't have to be a genius to teach your kids. You just have to be willing to learn yourself! I have talked to so many moms that enjoy learning with their kids! If you have a heart to teach your children the Lord will bless that!


4-I am selfish but this is just another area that the Lord is refining in my life. Just like my temper the Lord wants to rid me of my selfishness and homeschooling is a great tool in the hand of the Lord to do that!

5-see above (because I feel like creative and organized go together in some ways).

6-It's amazing how much you can save with so little money if you are willing! Curriculum is the one thing we splurge on. Because we save like crazy we are able to buy homeschool curriculum without cringing. We currently have no debt. We just paid our house off in January of this year! This is not to brag but to encourage those ladies out there that think they "have" to work! We have four kids six and under and are debt free on a pastor's salary. We never go to coffee, we go to dinner maybe once every three months, we never buy new clothes, we only go shopping about every two weeks and we don't vacation unless it's with church activities. Saving money is a lifestyle. Practice saving and you will get better practice spending and your money will continue to disappear.

Are you considering homeschooling but don't feel cut out?! Don't worry, every homeschooling mom feels like that at some point. You and I are not perfect but we are our kid's moms and we know our kids better than any other teacher ever will. Once you decide in your heart that you want to homeschool your kids be sure to find a community of like-minded people so that you have that support that is so needed.

Six Tips for Biblical Conflict Resolution

We all experience conflict in our lives. As Christians our conflict should look different than the world's.

I returned last week from our annual ladies beach retreat. The theme this year was Biblical Conflict Resolution. The second day we were there I woke up in bed contemplating the different conflicts I have seen in ministry. I thought of six tips that could help resolve the different conflicts I have witnessed.

1) Think on Christ. Can you think of anyone who DESERVED to be treated better than Christ?! God Himself came in the flesh and was nailed to a tree. Talk about injustice! And yet, what was Christ's response? "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Seriously?! Amazing! Why can't we be more like that? We are all sinners mad at other sinners and yet Jesus, a sinless man, was able to say: "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." So often this is the case with different conflicts we are a part of. The people offending us don't even know what they are doing. Even if they do know what they are doing though, we are still called to forgive as Christ forgives! (Col. 3:13) Those who recognize how much they have been forgiven are the most forgiving.

Think on Christ and I guarantee you will view your conflicts differently.

2) Learn to receive correction. "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought" (Rom. 12:3) When we see ourselves as we truly are, wicked sinners, then we are better able to receive correction. God uses people in a mighty way if we let Him. He can use others correction toward us as a tool in His hand to refine us and make us more like Christ. When confronted, if we respond with humility, then we can truly understand biblical conflict resolution. It is out of pride that we are not willing to receive correction.  

"Whoever is stubborn after being corrected many times will suddenly be hurt beyond cure" (Prov. 29:1)

3) Overlook offenses. "It is to your glory to overlook an offense." (Prov. 19:11) In other words, it's for your own good to get over it! Overlooking offenses truly gets easier the more you do it. It also gets more difficult the less you do it. Overlooking offenses keeps bitterness at bay. Keeping track of offenses/keeping a record of wrongs feeds bitterness and poisons you and those around you. I pray the Lord helps me grow in this area and to see the many benefits of overlooking the "wrongs' done to me.  

Be more like teflon and less like velcro.
4) Talk to the person not about them. The bible is VERY clear about this one, (Matt 18:15-17), and yet it is one of the hardest to actually live out! If the issue with someone is big enough to talk about that person then the issue is big enough to talk to that person. Don't tear the body of Christ apart by talking about brothers and sisters in the Lord to others. Honor Christ and talk to your brother or sister in person.

5) Projection/Paranoia. The term projection basically means that we project ourselves on to others. We only have our mind/personality to work from so oftentimes we will project ourselves onto other people and assume we know what they may be feeling or thinking. This is bad. We don't know what other people are thinking or what other people mean when they say certain things. We often have to ask them in order to clarify what is really going on. Projection tends to lead to paranoia: "So and so doesn't like me. They are always annoyed with me." You may think this simply because "so and so" didn't wave at you or because of the way they looked at you. Projection and paranoia have led to many unnecessary conflicts! Ask the person what they are thinking, don't assume you know.

1 Sam 22:6-19 is the best story in the bible that illustrates what paranoia has the ability to do. Saul was very paranoid. He was convinced that everyone was against him and out to get him. Then came along a man named Doeg. Doeg was one evil dude. He loved to stir up trouble and make conflicts grow into preposterous proportions. He was one of those people you could see thoroughly enjoyed stirring up trouble and gossiping. In the end he fed Saul's paranoia to the point that it brought about the deaths of 85 innocent men! Don't be a Saul or a Doeg. Avoid paranoia and gossip. Stay out of conflicts you have nothing to do with. Assume the best until confronted and told otherwise. 

6) Be a peacemaker. Being a peacemaker doesn't usually come naturally to most of us. It takes great intention. The bible calls ALL Christians to be peacemakers though. We must seek peace. Create peace. Cultivate peace. Peace should go before us and after us. Would those around you describe you as a peacemaker or a conflictmaker?  

I would like to conclude with two great verses on conflict from proverbs: "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." (prov. 17:14) and "It is to one's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel." (prov. 10:3)

10 Ways To Be Gracious Toward Your Husband

1. Bite your tongue. Want to get in the last word? Want to say something straight up mean to "really get back at him"? Don't. Just bite your tongue. Literally bite it if you have to. Pray this instead: "Set a guard over my mouth, LORD..." Psalm 141:3

2. Get over it. Stop thinking about it. Move on. Is it really worth ruining your marriage? Your family? Your kid's upbringing? Get over it. Tell your husband how you feel (once... maybe twice) and move on. Bring your issue to the Lord and leave it there. You are what you practice. If you keep meditating on the wrong done to you then you will have a harder time moving on. "drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Prov. 17:14

3. Don't ever, ever say: "I told you so." Really? How much do you like to hear that? I hate to hear that. No one likes to hear "I told you so." He knows you were right. "I told you so" screams: "I'm prideful!" "Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips." Prov. 27:2.

4. Forget about it. Don't keep a record of wrongs. This kind of goes with number 2. In order to not keep a record of wrongs you have to get over it :) Don't keep track of anything bad. Keep a record of rights instead. A record of how he has blessed you. "love does not keep a record of wrongs." 1 Cor. 13:5 Remember being bitter is like swallowing poison hoping the other person will die. 

5. Just DON'T say no. I'll keep this one short. Don't deny your husband. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband." 1 Cor. 7:4

6. Don't ever say: "Why didn't you _____?!" or "You should have _____."  This is similar to number 3. It is just as annoying and prideful. (see verse above :) 

7. Ignore his weaknesses and praise his strengths. Enter marriage with eyes wide open, stay married with eyes half way open :) You are not the Holy Spirit in your husband's life. "When he [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict..." John 16:8

8. To be gracious means to be "pleasantly kind", according to dictionary.com. Be pleasantly kind toward your husband. Did he do something to tick you off today? Why don't you be pleasantly kind and make him his favorite thing for dinner? "with humility think of others as better than yourselves." Phil. 2:3 and "they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2

9. Praise him in front of the kids. Let them know how proud you are of their daddy. "Isn't daddy the best?!" "Man your daddy sure loves you guys!" "Doesn't daddy take good care of us?" Think of something. Anything positive. And then say it in front of your kids.

10. Saving the best for last! Forgive your husband as Christ forgave and forgives you! One night after Scott and I had a fight and I was laying there in bed seething and wanting to hold onto my bitterness when this verse came to mind: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Co. 3:13 Ouch. I immediately felt the bitterness leave me. Forgive as You forgave me Lord?! Really? Wow Lord.... Well, you forgave me while I was yet a sinner. You have forgiven me of SOOOOO much...You continue to forgive me for things I don't apologize for. You forgive me completely! You want me to forgive my husband like that? You want me to be gracious toward him like you are toward me? Okay Lord. Help me.

p.s. I stink at numbers 1-10... which is why I could write this so quickly. I know I need to work on these daily!

My First Homebirth

Charis is six months old! Can you believe it?! We love our sweet girl and are so glad we reversed our decision to not have any more children. Look what we would have missed out on!

After six months of reflection I thought it would be good to post about my home birth experience. Let me open by saying: I NEVER...EVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO A HOME BIRTH :) With Rhea (my first) I had every intention in the world to have a natural childbirth in the hospital... um, yeah right. I went on and on the months before going into labor about how women have done it for thousands of years, I can do it to! I remember my sister said something like: "Um, sister, you might want to wait until you have a baby before you go talking about how easy it is..." Yeah, wish I would have listened to her. After about 12 hours of labor with Rhea and being dilated to only a three I called it quits and got that lovely thing called an: epidural :) WOWZA. that thing made me feel like I wasn't even having a baby. It did wear off at the pushing point though... I pushed for over an excruciating hour and then my beautiful baby girl was FINALLY there!

My second birth was my son Ricky. I told Scott: "well, I'll go as long as 'possible' without the epidural." (I think we both knew that wouldn't be very long). Once I started puking over and over I decided to "hook it up". Ricky was a much easier labor over all. But he came out with a 104 temp and was immediately taken from me and put on antibiotics... still not sure what happened there.

18 months later Johnny came. This time I was a week overdue and my blood pressure was through the roof. My mother had died suddenly a couple days before I was due and I think I was internalizing a lot of things (obviously) and they broke my water to start labor... and I got the epidural..... again. It was a very UN-eventful labor...if there is such a thing :)

Fast forward two years. I am pregnant with Charis and seriously considering a home birth. The only reason for that is because of where I now live: Washington. The state with the highest rate of home births. Almost every single one of my closest friends here does home births (a lot of them with the same Christian mid-wife).

I thought: "well, I would like to do a natural child-birth and I KNOW I won't do that at a hospital with that epidural so readily available. I also hate them waking me up all night and not really feeling like my baby is mine until I leave the hospital." So, Scott and I talked and decided yep, we're gonna do it! I had no idea what I said yep to.

On February 6th around 7 a.m. Johnny came in the room with me and cuddled. I had some pretty strong contractions about 10 min. apart.... I thought: "I bet this isn't it." The morning proceeded. Scott was at his office in an important meeting so I didn't bother him. The kids started making fun of the silly/crazy sounds/breathing noises I was making every five minutes or so. They were impersonating me and laughing pretty hard. not. funny. I called my dad and his lovely wife and asked if they could come over and help me out with the kiddos (they were staying at my in-laws waiting for me to have the baby).

They came over around 10 a.m. Kathleen offered to make me a omelet and I gladly accepted the offer (I puked it up a couple hours later). At this point I was laying on my bed breathing through sporadic contractions. Scott came home around 10:30. I called my midwife around 11. She said: "Hmmm, we might be having a baby today." I still didn't believe it. I called my friend Bonnie and she said: "I think this is it!" I still didn't believe it. Around noon though, I told my dad: "I think this is it."

Scott got the birthing tub out and... POPPED IT! I was like: "What is that sound?!" It was a hilarious sight (now I think it's hilarious). Our dear friend/contractor, my father in law, step mom and dad were frantically running around looking for duct tape! :) They found the duct tape and I asked my dad to take the kiddos back to my in-laws. IT WAS HAPPENING... and I was puking... and in so much pain....

Scott started to fill the tub and we called our midwife and told her this was the real deal. She got there around 1. The tub was full and I was in there....dying.... or at least that's what it felt like. I just kept telling myself: "Next time I can get the epidural..." That was the only thing making me feel better :)

She checked me and said I was at a five. I was depressed. A five?!!! This is going to take FOREVER! The contractions were strong but the water helped SO much. I didn't realize how much the water was helping until I got out to try and go to the bathroom... I had three contractions right on top of each other that were INTENSE. I couldn't even stand. My husband was holding me up and I said: "I want to go back into that tub... NOW."

Well, it didn't take forever... in fact after only 2 more hours of labor and 7 minutes of pushing, she was in my arms at 3 p.m.!!! All I kept saying was: "Isn't she beautiful?! Isn't she beautiful?!!" Scott was crying lots of tears of joy. We called my family (my parents, his parents and our kiddos) immediately and skyped with them via i-phone (sometimes I love technology :)

I got to hold her as long as I wanted. Then I passed her off to one proud and happy daddy.

After that I got into my OWN shower. And walked down the hall to my OWN bed. My whole family got to come in and share in the excitement. It was wonderful. The pain stunk. I hated it. Suffering is never fun. BUT the joy of having my baby in my own home made it all worth it.

It was amazing... My husband was such a champ! He did a great job doing whatever I asked promptly! :) I about broke his hand from squeezing it so hard. My midwives were awesome! They have delivered well over a thousand babies in homes! There are so many other details I could share. But I figure that's enough for now. Let me know if you have any questions or thoughts!

Will I do it again? Yes.

Beautiful Songs-Lullaby Songs with Scriptures

I LOVE these songs. The bible says that we are to hide the Word in our hearts that we may not sin against our great God. This CD is made for children but I can see how it would bless people of ALL ages. Go here and check it out!

Top 5 Benefits of Getting Rid of Stuff!

I have been in a major: "Get all this stuff out of my house!" mode. It has blessed my soul! :) Here are some of the ways I have benefited from simplifying my life:

1. I find I am cleaning less and less. The kids room is clean, there is less laundry, there is less stuff to put away, etc. Less stuff=less cleaning.

2. I have more time! The less things you have the more time you have to do other things. Things you like (like for me, blogging). Things you love. More time also means more time with the ones you love. My kids and husband get more of me because there is more to go around :)

3. Less stress! Stuff=stress. My house feels free-er. It feels... lighter. I enjoy being home more because there aren't so many things staring at me in the face saying: "Put me away. Clean me. Do something with me...."

4. My house feels bigger. It's easy to understand why getting rid of junk leads to feeling like you have more room. More room to move... to breathe.

5. My marriage is better. My husband hates, I mean HATES, clutter. It is a stresser for him and therefore for me too. Our marriage has benefited greatly from simply simplifying our lives. 

“By wisdom a house is built, & through understanding it is established.”
Proverbs 24:3

“The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
Proverbs 14:1

Seven Thoughts After Seven Years

Scott and I have been married seven years (as of yesterday)! What a joy it has been! He is my strong leader. The one who makes me laugh and laugh! He enjoys our kids immensely. He enjoys just sitting and visiting with me. He is a great bible teacher and we thrive on doing ministry together.

I have been pondering marriage a lot the last couple days and wanted to share seven thoughts I have after seven years:

1. Adapting to my husband makes him and me happier. I am seeing with each passing year the benefit of adapting to Scott. I am also seeing the detrimental affects of not adapting to him and pushing my own agenda. As I adapt to Scott's vision for our family and home I find there is less and less strife. No husband is going to have the exact same agenda as his wife in all things and we must submit to them as unto the Lord, ultimately doing it for God and leaving the results up to Him.  I am a lot happier when I walk in my God ordained boundaries. Scott leading and me following works best because it's God's best.

"Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.” (Eph. 5:22, amplified)

2. Nagging isn't good. It's bad. Real bad. Not sure when you are nagging? Give your husband the freedom to tell you when he thinks you are. :) For me it is best to present my side and drop it. (Lord knows I need to improve in this area!)

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (prov. 25:24)

"It is not the nagging, but the behavior, that shows Christ in a life. The quiet winsomeness of a wife speaks eloquently of Jesus Christ." Jay E. Adams

"A gracious wife satisfieth a good husband, and silenceth a bad one." George Swinnock

 

3. Our children are watching us. As Rhea is getting older and understanding more I am sobered. Big time. She is watching. So is Ricky... and Johnny... and soon to be Charis as well. Our children are learning from us every moment they are around us. Rhea is learning from me about how to be a mom and a wife. Am I a joyful mom? Do I whine and complain about my house-wife duties? Or do I do them promptly and with thankfulness? How am I treating my husband? With respect? With love? Kids notice these things. They are constantly, sometimes sub-consciously, taking mental notes that are shaping who they will be as spouses and parents some day. Generations will reap what we sow.

4. Marriage is a GIFT from the Lord! The more I concentrate on his strengths the more I see what a gift he is! So many of us focus on our husband's flaws (which they all have... which WE all have). what fun is that?! That never gets me ANYwhere. Marriage can be such a gift or such a burden. The more we as wives seek to honor our husbands the more we will be blessed and enjoy marriage. The more we resist our man and push our way the more of a burden marriage will be. It's our choice. I have met some women out there married to JERKS! LOSERS! and yet, by God's grace and their desire to please Him they are living happy, fulfilled lives! I have also met some women married to hardworking, kind men and they are miserable. It's all about our focus. Our hope is to always be in God. Our identity is in Him, not our husbands.

5. I am much happier when I accept my husband for who he is! Don't try and force your husband to be someone he isn't! My favorite "wife verses": "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2). Reminds me of the Jay Adams quote from earlier. No man is perfect in all ways except our Savior. Be thankful for the man you got! Praise him for his strengths and ignore his weaknesses.

6. Marriage is good for lots of things, like showing me what a selfish/self-righteous person I am. Unfortunately marriage has brought out the worst in me at times... I have done and said some pretty ugly things. All my ugliness, however, brings me closer to Jesus, makes me more thankful for His sacrifice and makes me more dependent on Him... that's always a good thing. Marriage is best when I put Scott's interests before my own. Marriage is not about me (although it does bless me!) It is about Him! It is for Him! It is a representation of Him and His bride!

7. Lastly, marriage doesn't last. It is temporary. In heaven we will no longer have the marriage relationship we have now (Matt. 22:30). Don't take your focus off the Lord! Your relationship with Him WILL last forever. Pour into that relationship the most and all your earthly relationships, including marriage, will be better. He makes all things better.